AITA for ruining thanksgiving?

A Redditor (30F) recounts a Thanksgiving incident with her boyfriend (30M) and his family. Her boyfriend’s mother had consistently called her by the wrong name, even after multiple corrections, and continued to show favoritism to his ex.

At a BBQ before Thanksgiving, the mother jokingly suggested “Janet” (the ex’s name) should make the turkey, which the Redditor played along with.

However, when Thanksgiving came around, she shocked everyone by pretending to believe Janet was bringing the turkey, leading to chaos and her being kicked out of the house. Now, her boyfriend is furious, and she feels misunderstood but wonders if she was in the wrong.

‘ AITA for ruining thanksgiving?’

I (30f) met my bf (30m) 3 years ago. Before me he was together with his HS sweetheart. They fell out of love and broke up. A year later we started dating. His mom however was still heartbroken about it. I was very understanding and thought she needed time to get to know me.

The ex basically grew up with them and they saw her as a part of the family. For the first year of my relationship his mom would call me ex’s name, until bf got angry once and told her to be nice. She laughed it off and said it was just a habit.

After that she started calling me the wrong name. (Janet instead of Jenny; fictional names just for the story). I corrected her a couple of times but she seemed to like hurting me so I ignored it later. My bf has two sisters and a couple of weeks before thanksgiving we were invited to bbq at the older sister’s house.

I was in the kitchen with my bf’s mom, the sisters and one of their husbands. The older sister then talked about how my BF praised my cooking to her husband and the mom was listening. She then said iut loud “SURE! Why don’t we let Janet make the turkey this year?”.

The sisters giggled and looked at each other and I said “thats a great idea!” I didn’t tell my bf what happened. On thanksgiving we went to his mom’s house with the usual wine and dessert. She was shocked l, everybody was shocked. I said “what?

I thought Janet is bringing the turkey!”. There was yelling, crying and then we got kicked out. My bf is so angry with me he hasn’t talked to me since. I think it’s over tbh. But I still don’t think I did anything wrong! Did I?

Here’s the input from the Reddit crowd:

Shebalba64205 −  \*Thunderous applause\* You’re my favorite a**hole for this. My absolute hero.. ETA: Wow! Thanks for the awards!
ETA 2: I’m being asked to give judgement. I repeat: OP is my favorite a**hole. Not THE a**hole here (so NTA).

ElectronicAmphibian7 −  NTA. I think it drove the point home. Your boyfriend should have been sticking up for you more but this was a good final f**k you.

mojo4394 −  NTA. Your BFs mom is clearly trying to sabotage your relationship. Your BF needs to stand up for you and put a stop to it immediately. As for the turkey, again, that’s ridiculous and they knew exactly what they were doing causing that drama.

puppiebite −  NTA. this family sounds like absolute nightmare fuel. if my future partner’s mother tried to alienate me any chance she got i would have had the same reaction. there’s only so much hatefulness a person can take.

I genuinely feel so sorry for you in having to go through that, it must hurt a lot. your boyfriend should have had a sit down talk with her ages ago about boundaries and being kind to you, which shouldn’t even have to happen in a relationship.

i’m glad you stuck up for yourself and made her feel like an i**ot because she is one. your boyfriend should have stuck up for you anyhow considering it’s out of your hands to be respected.

Pennsatucky2017 −  NTA. Correct me if I’m wrong, but there is no “Janet” in the family. They delegated the turkey to a fictional name that they made up to get under your skin. Turnabout is fair play. Had they respected you and called you by your given name I’m certain that they would have gotten their turkey.

They’re just mad because their pettiness came back to bite them on the ass. You said that you didn’t tell your bf what happened. Is he aware of the fact that his mother can’t get your name right? You’ve been together two years, and his mother \*still\* can’t get your name right? He allows this?

If so, then it may be time to rethink this relationship. You won’t get any respect from his family if he tolerates their disrespect, and, In turn, disrespects you because he refuses to confront the issue with his mom.

MerlinBiggs −  NTA. She has been rude and disrespectful to you. It’s understandable she misses the ex, but you didn’t so anything wrong. So you threw her bad behavior back in her face. She had it coming.

Your BF is TA. He should have been more supportive and defended you. He should never have let it get this far. If it is over, then maybe your better off.

mmsbva −  NTA- who expects someone to arrive at their house with a fully cooked turkey?!?

firefly232 −  Technically I think I *should* vote Y T A but I like your style and think you are kinda NTA. It’s bad timing, you had to know it would explode, your BF is an ass and very detached, but the whole scenario made me smile…

How did your boy not even know that you were supposed to be bringing turkey? In the whole run up, did no one mention anything to him?
You should have added insult to injury and brought tofu burgers

disney_nerd_mom −  NTA. I would have said “well, MIL and sisters, you said JANET was bringing the turkey! I was looking forward to meeting her!” Then watch them all squirm because it’s on them for misnaming you.

SamSpayedPI −  Maybe you *were* an a**hole, but it was *so* worth it, I’m voting NTA. I wish I could have seen the looks on their faces when you said “I thought you said *Janet* was bringing the turkey!”

And they (including your boyfriend) are *totally* the assholes for making Thanksgiving all about turkey (in my family, at any rate, there are so many appetizers and side dishes (not to mention desserts) that I don’t think anyone would even *notice* that the turkey was missing).

Of course, your BF’s mom is an a**hole for continuing to call you by the wrong name . . . but your BF is worse, really, for allowing it to happen. He should have “put his foot down” ages ago.

So, tell your boyfriend to go back to his ex; find a new one, with a better sense of humor to match your own, who has your back; and be happy that you dodged a bullet!

Was the Redditor justified in her response to her boyfriend’s mother’s disrespect, or did she take things too far in front of the family? How would you handle a situation where your partner’s family is treating you unfairly? Share your thoughts below!