AITA for refusing to pay for my sister’s husband’s surgery with my inheritance/college money?

A Reddit user recently shared a dilemma involving her sister’s request for help paying for her husband’s surgery. With her own inheritance designated for college and her future, she struggles between preserving her educational plans and supporting her sister. Read the full story below for more details.

‘ AITA for refusing to pay for my sister’s husband’s surgery with my inheritance/college money?’

My sister (F27) and I (18F) lost our dad a year ago. He was my only parent, mom was never in mine or my sister’s life. Dad left money (inheritance) for me and sister and she used her inhertance to get new cars and renovate her house

I live with my aunt right now cause my brother inlaw didn’t let me stay with my sister. I’m planning on using my inhertance money to pay for college tuition (I’ve always wanted to be doctor but haven’t decided which branch yet).

My sister & I haven’t been close, it started after she got married to her chronically ill husband who was allowed to make backhanded comments about dad and mock his llness and make a scene at his funeral. only because he’s ill and shouldn’t be held accountable for his behavior.

I’ve distanced myself But my sister kept visiting alot lately venting about my brother inlaws condition. He’s been in & out the hospital for heart problems and in need for a surgery. She brought up my inheritance money several times but I end up cutting the conversation.

She then straight up asked if I could help pay for her husband’s surgery and she’d pay back in less than a year. I felt uneasy cause if I give her money from my inhertance which is a large amount then there’s no gurantee she’ll pay back before It’s time to apply for college.

I’m taking a year gap but I know my sister can’t pay back that much and I felt I was risking my future. I refused to help and she had a melt down at my aunt’s house calling me heartless, cruel with no empathy.

She said that her husband’s health should be a priority and I needed to help because education is nothing compared to someone’s health and asked if I’d be happy to see her as a widow and my nephew with no father. My aunt suggested others pay but most of them cut my sister and her husband off.

I argued that her husband’s poor health isn’t my fault after she kept blaming and guiltriping me. She kept crying and although my aunt decided to stay out of it she said that I should be prepared for permenant damage in my relationship with my sister if I don’t help her now.

She’s been sending texts and pictures of her family telling me this is what I was saying no to, a happy healthy family with a healthy husband and father. I cried and felt like I was being s**fish not good aunt and sister.

I asked my friend and he said let them sell the cars and all the luxurious stuff they bought to afford the surgery and warned me if I give them money I’ll never get it back and may not be able to go to medical school.

Let’s dive into the reactions from Reddit:

cashycallow −  he said let them sell the cars and all the luxurious stuff they bought to afford the surgery and warned me if I give them money I’ll never get it back and may not be able to go to medical school.

You’re friend is correct. You’ll never get the money back because sis isn’t willing to give up her luxurious lifestyle. She chose how to spend her inheritance, didn’t save for a rainy day and isn’t entitled to yours because of her poor financial planning. NTA.

CuriousTsukihime −  NTA- your sister chose to spend money she got less than a year ago on expensive things instead of planning for the future like you did. Easy come, easy go as they say.

Do NOT give them a penny of your money. They have options they don’t want to take and that’s not on you. You’re not getting that money back if you lend it. You’ll become a fine doctor some day, I’m rooting for you!

Forward_Squirrel8879 −  NTA – Your sister is manipulating you. She received the same money you did. If her husband is chronically ill than they should have saved that money for his care instead of spending it on luxury items. She probably always planned to spend her money and yours.

Will refusing to give her the money damage your relationship with her? Probably. But do you really want to give up your future to preserve the relationship you have with her now? Because it sounds like a terrible one. And don’t think that giving her this money with improve the relationship at all.

Speedypanda4 −  NTA!!!! make backhanded comments about dad and mock his llness and make a scene at his funeral. He had no respect for your father. Making scenes is not something that you do, even at your enemies funeral.

she used her inheritance to get new cars and renovate her house. She had her money. She blew it. education is nothing compared to someone’s health and asked if I’d be happy to see her as a widow and my nephew with no father

It’s YOUR education, not hers. Your BIL is a complete stranger to you, you have no blood relation (I assume) and therefore no obligation. She’s being s**fish and entitled. If she had done none of the above and you refused then you’d be TA.

But after all this, she absolutely does not deserve a cent, please don’t sacrifice your education. she’d pay back in less than a year. If this is true, she should have no problem getting a loan from a bank. After all this if you do end up giving her money, make her sell all her cars and collect collateral if possible.

Paindonthurt74 −  No one has mentioned that your BIL would not let you stay with them when your dad died, but he’s perfectly happy letting you take care of his family while you stay at the Aunt’s house? Please don’t give these people any money!

The man has been sick for some time, they should not have wasted the money your dad gifted them despite BIL being trash to dad! Just because they’re family does not mean you have to have a relationship with your sister. Go be a doctor, save many more lives than this one. You’ve got this! Good luck!!!

Dimirosch −  My aunt suggested others pay but most of them cut my sister and her husband off. I wonder why that is…. Of course you aren’t the ahole. First your sister and her husband should sell ther luxurious items and if that is not enough can ask for help.

faynfayn −  NTA. “Education is nothing compares to someone’s health” she just admitted that she has no intention to pay you back.

agarrabrant −  NTA. He wouldn’t even let you stay in the house with them, but expects you to put your whole future on hold for his surgery? Dang.

Excuse_Purple −  NTA. You can’t be held responsible for everything around you just because you have money. This is what health insurance is for. Your sister could have saved some of her inheritance and this would have been less of a problem.

Do you think the user’s decision was reasonable given her own needs and future plans, or should she have prioritized her sister’s situation? How would you handle such a difficult choice? Share your thoughts below!