[UPDATE] AITA for telling an employee she can choose between demotion or termination?

A Reddit user recently shared an update on their handling of a work conflict with an employee. After previously facing a tense situation involving a potential demotion or termination.

The two met to discuss what happened, exchanged apologies, and worked out a solution that respected both the employee’s challenges and the company’s needs. Read the full story below.

‘ [UPDATE] AITA for telling an employee she can choose between demotion or termination?’

Peggy reached out to me yesterday, apologized, and asked if we could meet for lunch. We met up, and the first thing she did was apologize again. For the no call/no show, and also for her reaction to my response.

She admitted that she knows I’m not sexist, or “ableist” (IDK if I spelled that right, there’s a red line under it), and explained that she was lashing out due to her mental state. I accepted her apology, and offered one of my own. Both for giving her too much responsibility too quickly, and also for reacting out of emotion.

She explained to me that she had a major issue on Monday, and without getting into too much detail, I’ll just say that it was the anniversary of a bad thing. She’s taking all of her accumulated PTO (~9 weeks), and we’ve agreed that going forward, I’m not going to put her on the schedule on that day ever again.

She’s admitted that she’s not up to the role of manager. When she returns, she will be in the role of lead cashier, a role I created specifically for her. This way she can keep her raise, and not feel like she got a “demotion”, but rather a lateral transfer.

I’ve also let her know that if she ever feels like she’s up to more responsibility, she can let me know, and I’ll put her right back on track for the manager spot. I’ve also let her know that if she’s ever in a position where she’s not able to call out.

She can simply text me a thumbs down emoji, and I will accept that as notice that she will be missing her next shift. She’s agreed that that will be ok, even when she’s “out of spoons”. I appreciate all of the ~6000 comments my post got, even the ones calling me TA.

Thank you all very much. I want to specifically address the folks who explained “spoon theory” to me, as well as those who commented about “peter principle”, those two types of comments very heavily influenced my actions.

I was able to better understand both her issue, and my own failures as a leader because of those comments. Hopefully we can both move forward from this unfortunate incident and end up better for it.

Take a look at the comments from fellow users:

Tiny-Extreme-4127 −  We love a good outcome on this sub. Especially when both parties communicate what’s going on and they’re listened to

Chessii_Cat −  You’re like the best boss ever. I could die and my boss would pull out a ouija board and ask if i got a replacement.. Can I work for you instead?!

ProjectCrazed −  Man if only management in all businesses had the integrity you do.

[Reddit User] −  Sounds like a great outcome, and you are a good person for understanding her situation (whatever it may be) and accommodating her needs.

jcacca −  You’ve definitely done a wonderful job with following up with her – not just professionally but personally. I hope she continues to thrive in whatever capacity and role she holds with you and the business.

redditor191389 −  What a wonderful conclusion. Good job

fromage-de-nuit −  I’m getting skin tingles from how awesome this turned out. As a manager myself, I’m going to use this example and your actions to help me in similar situations in the future.

I’m truly impressed by your ability and willingness to support this employee while retaining extreme professionalism. High five, pat on the back, well done OP!!!

mimmz94 −  This update made me cry. I wish my past bosses where as kind and considerate as you! 10 years ago today i had a really traumatic thing happen to me,

and i still take the day off (google the date and u’ll find it) Some bosses never wanted to understand how it affected me years later. Please know that you seem like an amazing boss! The creative solutions are 🤌🤌🤌

Objective_Past_8750 −  What a boss!

OutlandishnessNew259 −  You are an amazing boss

Do you think this was a fair resolution to the conflict, considering both the employee’s needs and the manager’s responsibilities? How would you handle a similar situation as a manager or an employee? Share your thoughts below!