AITAH for giving guardianship of my son to my aunt over my mother after I die of my terminal cancer?

A young father with terminal cancer shares the heartbreaking decision he’s made for his one-year-old son’s future. After losing his girlfriend during childbirth, he’s now facing his own mortality and must choose a guardian for his son.

Although his mother initially seemed like the natural choice, he has concerns about her ability to provide the right environment, as she already cares for his brother and his five young children. Instead, he’s chosen his aunt, who he believes can offer his son stability and attentive care. His decision has deeply upset his mother, who fears losing both her son and grandson. Read his story below.

‘ AITAH for giving guardianship of my son to my aunt over my mother after I die of my terminal cancer?’

The article has the next update at the end.

I (21m) have a son who just turned 1, his mum who was my girlfriend died in labour along with the other baby she was carrying. I was diagnosed with terminal cancer 3 months ago and I don’t have very long left (two months at most) I have accepted that I’m going to die but now I have to think about what’s best for my son.

I had to decide who my boy would go to and I thought my mother(55) naturally but then I started to think of her situation as my older(29) lives with her along with his 5 kids all aged under 5 and I decided not to as mum works and my brother tbh isn’t really raising his kids, more dragging them up and can be neglectful.

I wasn’t going to put my son in that environment as I want someone to actually care for him. So I then thought of my aunt(33) on my dads side. she is a good mother and her husband a good father to their 3 girls and I know they could provide for my son. I asked them and they agreed.

My mother however found out that I wasn’t leaving my son with her and she got angry with me, that she’s loosing me and now loosing her grandson. I gave her my reasons and that she realistically can’t raise him while she’s basically raising a man-child and his kids.

It all ended in an even bigger argument and now I’m cooling off at home. I understand that things are terrible for her right now as I won’t be here soon but my aunt is a much better choice. It’s not like my son won’t know who she is as the walk between hers and my aunts is only 5 minutes.. Am I the a**hole?

Next update: https://aita.pics/reXUb

These are the responses from Reddit users:

Overall-Bus −  NTA. You’re taking a final responsibility to ensure that your child has the best chance for success. Don’t feel bad about it and don’t let your mother talk you out of it. You’re a good dad, and I’m sure your child will grow up knowing and appreciating that.

Abigailz1128 −  I want to first offer my condolences over this entire situation. You are a bright and kind young person and I am so sorry this is happening. Short answer, no. NTA. You have to think of your child, as hard and horrible as this all is.

I’m unfamiliar with how child custody works once both parents have passed away, but what might offer a decent solution is if you’re able to specify that legally, your mother be able to spend time with him. This is a very delicate situation and despite it all I must say I believe you are handling it very well. I’m sending so much love and light your way. ❤️

RunningTrisarahtop −  NTA, but I would talk to a lawyer to make sure that your mom can’t fight for him afterwards.

tiggahiccups −  NTA at all and I hope you’re considering leaving something behind for your son like a box birthday cards, a letter about who him mom was, who you were, how much you loved him, and why your aunt was the best guardian for him. I’m so sorry.

srslyeffedmind −  NTA. Your choice is about what’s best for your child. Not what’s best for his grandmother who is currently over extended as it is.

rhubarb_forest −  As someone who lost a parent young, please make videos and write letters for your child- particularly for them to open during big moments in life. Also, include some stories about their mom.

Number1Hel −  NTA obviously but I was reading something about things you’re leaving him like money and so on. Let me say you sound like an amazing dad and it really touches my heart because my own father isn’t that great, and it feels so weird reading about loving parents when I’ve never experienced such things. But enough about myself

The money and the pictures are great but money fades, years later when he’s older having a letter from you will mean a lot to him, cuz it’s your words and I think it’ll feel like you’re still there for him, envisioning your voice, it’ll mean a lot to him, a audio recording may also do him well. Best of luck.

Jedimindtricks84 −  NTA you are looking out for your son’s best interest after you are no longer around.

Babybearski −  Nta, if you haven’t already gotten a lawyer to ensure that your aunt will become your child’s legal guardian once you pass, you should do that, I have no idea how custody works where you live but it seems like the best way to make sure your child is somewhere safe, loved, and taken care of. I am so sorry for your loss, and your situation, I cant imagine how you are dealing with everything. Kudos to you for being able to take care of your son and the plans for after while going through this.

SkyeoMalley −  NTA- First of all I’m extremely heartbroken over your situation. I really hope you are at peace. As for your son, you’re making a good decision about who will give him him the best care in life. I understand why your mom is upset but she’s not to be blamed because she’s also experiencing trauma so she’s probably not comprehending from your perspective.

I really hope you guys make peace with your decision and hopefully your mom will come to realize that it was the best choice for your son. I hope you find peace and comfort and I’m hoping your son also gets the best in life and grows up with love and compassion.