AITA for giving my ex wife a large amount of money I won despite the anger of my gf?

A Reddit user recently won a large amount of money and decided to give a significant portion to his ex-wife, whom he still cares for deeply as the mother of his children, despite their divorce years ago.

His ex-wife is a good person and works a low-paying job, so he wants to help her improve her life. After telling his girlfriend about his decision, she became furious, accusing him of disrespecting her and still being in love with his ex-wife.

She even threatened to break up with him. The user feels relieved by the threats and doesn’t plan to change his decision. He’s now asking if he’s in the wrong for giving the money to his ex-wife.

‘ AITA for giving my ex wife a large amount of money I won despite the anger of my gf?’

I recently won a ‘f**k you’ amount of money. I won’t say exactly how much but it’s in the millions. It makes me feel funny even typing It’s enough to change the life of myself and my family. My ex wife is the mother of my 2 kids. She is an amazing woman and good to the bone.

We divorced 6 years ago because I had an affair with my current partner. I was in a low place in my life and I fucked up. She was in incredible pain but – like a f**king saint- she allowed me to still see our kids who mean the world to me, allowed our divorce to be as pain free as possible despite the fact that I know she was hurting.

She still is close with my parents. She is respectful to me although she refuses to talk to my gf. She was actually the first person I phoned after my mom and pops after I found out I won the lottery. She was pleased for me, joked that I could take the kids on a world round trip, and that was that.

Nothing else. as soon as I won, I knew I wanted to give her a significant amount. I still love her. She’s the mother of my babies and I feel like this is some small tiny way I can show her that I’m not a complete f**k up. She deserves to know that I care despite my mistakes.

She also works a s**tty job in the public library which pays her peanuts- she would actually be able to pursue her hobbies this way. Give our kids a better life between us. I haven’t discussed this with my ex yet, but I have with my parents who strongly agree and my lawyer who was very surprised but on board.

Long story short, when I told my gf, she was my livid. Screaming that I’m disrespecting her, accusing me of still being in love with my ex wife- I’m not *in* love with her.

We’ve both grown apart, but of course I still *love* her for being an excellent co parenting partner and mother to my kids. My gf is threatening to break up with me, and tbh I’m feeling incredibly relieved over the threats. I don’t plan on changing my plans, but AITA?

Let’s dive into the reactions from Reddit:

Safahri −  NTA if you intended for the money to help out her and your kids. If you only intended to give it to her because you ‘love’ your ex wife then you’re a bit of an a**hole (ESH) for making your current girlfriend a ‘plan b’.

The way she reacted was a little over the top, but to be expected since you are giving money to another woman (that you used to be married to). Otherwise, you do have kids to provide for and it’s none of her business because you’re not married and you don’t share the money.

ust a question: did she know you had a wife when you had an affair with her? Because if she did then the whole ‘disrespecting her’ is a load of b**lshit because she did the same thing to your ex wife.. edit: wow this blew up. Edit 2: is this what it’s like when people hijack the top comment. Edit 3: thanks for the silver, guy

You_just_never_know −  NTA, at the end of the day, you still shared a lot with your ex-wife and that probably intimidates your girlfriend. In my eyes, the girlfriend is being extremely childish in this situation, and the fact that you’re feeling relieved about her threats says a lot about you too.

Perhaps it’s time to re-evaluate your relationship and just focus on giving your kids the best lives possible now you’ve got the means to do so.

Strivingtosucceed −  NTA the fact that you called her first means you still hold her dear in your heart and the maturity she showed after you destroyed her ameks me understand why. Give her the money you were planning to give, give her double even.

But your GF is a witch if she can’t understand that you have kids that deserve to partake of their father’s wealth. Also the fact you haven’t married your GF after 6 years together shows how you feel about her. Break up with her and enjoy your money with your real family.

cadusn −  NTA. Your money, your decision. I suspect the anger from your gf is probably just insecurity given the nature of how your relationship with her started.

popletti −  NTA. I raised an eyebrow when you said you still ‘love’ your ex-wife, but your explanation of your feelings made complete sense to me. Clearly it’s not anything romantic. Is it so strange that you want to give money to the mother of your children, who, from the sound of it, is taking care of them most of the time?

I think your gf is being irrational and entitled, especially considering that it’s your money, not yours and hers. You can do whatever you want with it. Your ex-wife sounds like a saint for how well she dealt with the fallout of your marriage, she deserves the money.. Congratulations on the win, OP.

eta: some unwarranted advice, but if you aren’t already reconsidering your relationship with your gf, you probably should. Especially if she cheated with you knowingly. Just saying.

queenofthera −  NTA… but what I will say, is that I think your current GF is in an unenviable position. While she’s wrong to resent you giving money to the mother of your children, the way you talk *does* sound like you’re still in love with your ex-wife, and that you consider cheating with your current GF as the biggest mistake of your life.

Just by the way you write, it sounds like you (rightly) accept that what you did was wrong, but also that you believe you would have been happier if you’d never met your gf. If I’ve picked up on this, (and assuming I’m not a million miles off the mark), it’s reasonable to assume your gf has too, which may explain her reaction.

You were wrong to string her along for this long, especially as you now seem to feel happy she’s talking about ending it. You should have broken up with her a long time ago, it seems.

[Reddit User] −  i know reddit always says break up, but. . .break up. she seemingly doesn’t understand or care that the money went to your kids other parent and that ultimately it’s to their benefit. she obviously wants the money for herself.

f**k that and f**k her. she’s putting her wants in front of your kids needs. you want this person to be their step mom? more importantly, you now no longer know if she’s just staying with you for the money. start fresh and don’t tell a new parter about the money for a long while.. NTA

Finn_Finite −  NAH. I would actually recommend *immediately* getting a financial advisor and/or a lawyer, because people do an awful lot of dumb s**t the year after winning the lottery. Your girlfriend saw dollar signs and is mad at you for taking them away from “the two of you”, and family will be worse.

Your generosity toward your kids does you cre… I mean actually you barely mentioned your kids and this post is a glowing gushing love song to your ex wife so I mean I really see how your girlfriend could feel threatened.

runostog −  NTA. Your a good person despite your fuckups. If this was hallmark you’d leave the GF and reunite with your Ex-WIfe haha.
No, your GF is wrong to scream at you, but from her point of view it does make sense.

She will never forget that she was “the other woman”. You have proven to have a wandering eye in her eyes…it could happen again.

fstarnes9 −  unpopular, but heavily leaning towards YTA because you 1. cheated on your wife, 2. still treated your girlfriend as a lower priority despite cheating on your wife for her.

obviously you should give your ex wife money as she has the kids, but talking to everyone about it before your significant other of… 6 years? jesus. the people calling her a witch for being upset would never react the same if it was them.

Do you think the user made the right decision in giving his ex-wife a large sum of money, or was his girlfriend’s reaction justified? How would you handle the situation if you were in the user’s shoes? Share your thoughts below.