AITA for telling a social worker the real reason my sister wants a foster kid?

A Reddit user shares a tough family situation involving their sister, who expressed interest in fostering a teenager—not out of compassion, but as a means to gain free help with childcare, housework, and her business. The user, who experienced similar treatment when they lived with the sister, was alarmed by her plan and voiced concerns to a social worker who approached them for a reference.

Following this, the sister’s foster application was denied, and she accused the Redditor of ruining her chances. Now, some family members are upset, believing foster kids would benefit from any home. The user questions whether they did the right thing by revealing their sister’s true motives. Read the original story below for full details.

‘ AITA for telling a social worker the real reason my sister wants a foster kid?’

So this is a throw away account. While my sister doesn’t use reddit, we have mutual friends who do. I’m a 28F and I have a sister (36F) For the sake of story, I’ll just call Jane. Jane is married to “Bob” and they have two kids, boy and a girl. My niece and nephew are wonderful kids and no trouble at all. They fight as siblings do but nothing big. I love them. Now for about two years, I did live with my sister. It was a miserable time that really effected our relationship.

She saw me as free labor, money and babysitting. Even when I managed to get a small part time job, she demanded I hand over nearly half my pay or get out. It was hell as she took completely advantage of me. I moved out as soon as I could and we have little contact outside of family gatherings.

Now after I moved out, she started complaining how “She has no help with the kids and never gets a break!” I babysit sometimes but I have made it clear, just cause I am off work, doesn’t mean I want an 8 hour day with my niece and nephew. Anyway she started talking about how she wanted to foster a kid. Not a kid but a teenager. I pressed her for more info on this. She wants to adopt a teenager so she has a live in babysitter for her kids.

This is her logic: “I want a kid around 16 or 17, you know someone who may have been in the system for awhile. They can share a room with your nephew (she only has a three 3 bedroom house) or sleep in the garage. They can help me with house work, chores, cook and help me with my business.(She bakes and sells cookies) Also babysit the kids so me and Bob can go out sometimes or have some alone time.

They’ll be so grateful for a home and won’t complain. I won’t have to pay them at all. And then when they turn 18, I can just sign up for another foster kid! A teenager will be so much easier than a little kid, they will be grateful just to have a roof, food, siblings if they have been separated from their real ones and clothes.”

I was horrified! Told her it was a horrible idea! She didn’t listen to me. She went on with it anyway. About a month ago, a social worker showed up at my apartment to ask me some questions about my sister. She had put me down as a character witness or something like that. I immediately told the social worker why my sister really wanted to foster a kid and how she treated me when I lived with her. The lady thanked me.

My sister called crying saying that she wouldn’t be considered for any adoptions or fosters. The social worker told her that they felt her home and her weren’t a good fit. She asked if I said anything and I told the truth. She went off on me, hung up and we haven’t spoken since. She has sent some angry texts. A couple family members are on her side. They think foster kids are f**king dogs or something and would be so happy just to have a roof and would gladly do all the housework.. So AITA here?

 

Here’s how people reacted to the post:

NothingSinister −  NTA. You told the truth and saved a teenager from a terrible life of being used and dumped for another, which is no way to treat anyone. It is a foster child, not a slave.

RabiesPositive −  Nta. Wtf is wrong with your sister wtf..??

La_Laith −  NTA. Kids aren’t slaves and shouldn’t be treated as such. I’m glad you got out of living with your sister, because she sounds difficult to live with, and you absolutely did the right thing to prevent a child from being treated like you did!

Ayafumi −  NTA. What you did was the ONLY ethical option. Not only is this treating another human being like a LITERAL house slave(and a DISPOSABLE one at that), but older fosters tend to have been through a horrifying amount of abuse that means they often need a lot of help themselves.

Honestly, the plan to have him live in the same room as the younger children is generally not allowed for that exact reason–its incredibly common for s**ually abused children to repeat the behavior to other children because they don’t know better and its been normalized(and I’m guessing the garage plan wasn’t even mentioned to the social worker because that is RIGHT OUT).

Older foster children are generally harder to place exactly because they generally need so much work, but all your sister sees is free labor. Unless she somehow lucks out with Actual Cinderella, her flippant plan is not only cruel but exposing her own children to potential physical and s**ual abuse, drugs, whatever horrible things the foster child had to do to survive.

Also, I’d extremely not trust any family member that is on her side. You shouldn’t be celebrated by adopting a child for your own gain–this is a just a genteel version of Victorian men scooping up orphans and forcing them to work as chimney sweeps and coal miners then discarding them when they get too big to do the work.

turtlegod_1000000000 −  Nta!!!!! Too many foster kids end up in homes like that and its digusting! People should only take in a kid of they’re willing to treat them like their own kid and provide a loving and fun home. You absloutly did the right thing, saving a kid from being subjected to being a maid and nanny.

HeroaDerpina −  Holy s**t, NTA. My husband and I have talked about adopting teenagers. The first thing we talked about was that we weren’t asking them to babysit. It’s not their job, and foster kids have gone through so much. Making them a live in, unpaid nanny is just disgusting and your sister should be ashamed of herself.

ttassse −  NTA I’m so tired of people using the foster care system for their own narcissistic needs, usually it’s money in this case it’s labor. Just as bad as people who have more children just so they can take care of their siblings etc. You absolutely did the right thing in making sure no foster kid ever goes into that abusing household.

Zeteon −  NTA. I’m just going to say it, you sister is a very bad person.

dannyken87 −  NTA your sister sounds horrible a Foster child doesn’t want need a roof over there head they need a family to love then not to be treated as a slave. You did the right thing.

sam_zissou −  You know you’re NTA. Why even post?