AITA for demanding my sister pay rent for living-at-home with my parents and refusing to pay my rent until she does?

A Reddit user shared their frustration after discovering that, while they’ve been paying $800 in rent to their parents since getting a job, their younger sister has been living rent-free at home for the past two years. When they confronted the family about the unfairness of the situation, their sister offered to pay only a minimal amount and refused a fairer compromise.

After a heated family argument, the user told their parents they’d stop paying rent unless their sister contributed. Now, their parents are upset with both siblings, with tension escalating. Read the full story below to dive into this complex family conflict over fairness and responsibility.

‘ AITA for demanding my sister pay rent for living-at-home with my parents and refusing to pay my rent until she does?’

Background: I graduated from college 4 years ago live at home with my parents. My sister graduated 2 years ago and also lives with my parents. We both got jobs pretty much straight out of college. I pay my parents $800/month in rent since my first paycheck.

This is a throwaway and it’s still fresh and I’m really emotionally charged right now. Last night my parents were talking loudly about their financial problems in the living room. I overheard and I offered to help by paying more in rent (I was thinking $900-1000) since it covers utilities/phone/internet. My parents were grateful. Now, prior to this, I never asked my how much sister pays in rent. I always figured my parents charged us the same. So absentmindedly I asked a follow-up question.

Me: How much is [my sister] paying [for rent]?.
My Mom: Nothing.. A long ass pause.
Me: What do you mean she doesn’t pay rent?
My Dad (visibly angry): Your sister doesn’t pay a f**king thing!

My dad explained how my sister recently bought a brand new car and hasn’t paid insurance on it so my dad had to pay for it. She doesn’t pay rent. She doesn’t pay utilities/phone/anything. So for the past 2 years she’s been living rent free while I’ve been paying my parents.

So later that night we had a family sit down talk. My sister didn’t want to pay rent, especially at how much I was paying. She offered $100. My parents suggested she pay $300, I pay $800 which my sister and I both rejected.. The conversation ended with this: Sister: **F**K YOU. I’M TRYING TO LIVE MY LIFE.** [These were her exact words which pissed me the f**k off to holy hell)

So my sister storms off to her room and it’s now me, my parents in the living room. I’m extremely upset at this because it’s massively unfair. My mom is upset that everyone’s angry at each other and my dad’s angry my sister won’t pay rent and she won’t move out and both my parents don’t want to police involved.. So I say my part before leaving.

Me: I’m not going to pay any more rent until she does. (It’s only fair right?) And if I do pay rent, I pay whatever she’s being.
My mom: What if she pays $300 and you pay $800-. Me: No.
My mom: But [me], we really need the money…. Me: That’s too bad.. I get up and go off to my room.

So this morning my dad comes in tells me that I’M AN A**HOLE FOR NOT PAYING RENT. That I should pay rent because it’s the right thing to do and all this s**t. I’m like, “what the hell? make [my sister] pay rent!”. My mom, who’s listening in. “You’ve seen her! She won’t listen to us!”. Me: WELL THAT’S TOO BAD.

My mom (really angry): WELL WE WOULDN’T HAVE THIS PROBLEM IF YOU DIDN’T TRY TO MAKE YOUR SISTER PAY RENT. That was the last straw that blew it for me. I slammed the door on my parents. As I’m typing this my parents are in the living room discussing how both their children are rotten and s**t was better back in the home country/back in their day when kids listened to their parents. Like wtf?

See what others had to share with OP:

foibleShmoible −  NTA. You’ve paid about $19000 in rent **while** your sister has paid nothing? Oh hell no. Your parents are being ridiculous, and your sister is a user. How financially difficult would it be for you to leave? I wouldn’t want to stay with them if it was me.

Edit: People keep pointing out that OP has paid roughly $38000 in the last 4 years. It isn’t that I can’t do maths, I was making the point that OP paid $19000 *while the sister has lived there for free over the last two years*.
Edit 2: my first ever silver! Thank you kind stranger! And my first comment thanking a stranger for silver, so many firsts in one day!

tlrin −  ESH. Move out. Get a roommate if you can’t afford it on your own. EDIT for those asking why hes (shes?) an ass too: because if he can pay upto $1000 a month for rent and hes throwing a fit like this then he needs to grow the hell up and move out. Yea it’s not fair but stop complaining and take action. The parents and sister are obviously more TA than OP but hes not innocent in this either.

Zimi231 −  ESH. You’ve been graduated for 4 years and can pay $800+ rent to your parents. It’s time to move out and adult on your own.

Devourer_of_felines −  NTA. Your sister’s held a job for 2 years and in all that time your parents didn’t bother to demand rent payments from her? Why? E: regarding your parents loudly complaining about their financial problems – they did not “have to” take on the insurance payments, they didn’t “have to” pay for her phone ffs. And they would’ve happily accepted your offer to up your payments so you can subsidize your sister “living her life”? Hell no.

Doodoopopsicles −  NTA. You want to be treated as an equal to your sister, there is nothing wrong with that. By my math you’ve paid roughly 38,900 in rent. 4 years out of college paying 800 a month in rent 48×800=38,900. Move the f**k out. Even if you crash with a friend or rent a place you’ll likely be paying less rent. Please don’t listen to the people saying ESH. Your parents know what they are doing is fucked. They wouldn’t have had such a strong reaction to you bringing it up if they didn’t.

Finally your parents are absolutely enabling your sisters behavior by allowing this arrangement to continue. If she’s paid nothing and your parents pay for her insurance, phone, etc you’ve essentially been paying for those things for her. Good luck! Edit: Thank you for the silver kind stranger! Edit 2: Wow! My first gold! Thank you kind stranger!

cyfermax −  NTA, but your parents caused this situation. My sister recently bought a brand new car and hasn’t paid insurance on it so my dad had to pay for it. No he didn’t. He didn’t HAVE to pay her insurance at all. He’s contributed to this by letting your sister get away with it so long. I can’t believe they let you pay and not her. I would be super unhappy in your situation at the injustice of paying so much while she pays absolutely nothing AND gets extras on top.

whatforthen −  ESH. You gotta move out man. You can’t just expect to live there rent free, because whether its “fair” or not, its still their house and you would be just as much of an a**hole for expecting to mooch “because someone else is” but they should be fully prepared for the consequences of you choosing to move out.

tootthatthingupmami −  Holy s**t. Your sister runs the house and it has probably been like that since she was born. This is so insane and I am so sorry you have to deal with that. You are NTA and you should really move out. They will realize what a pile of s**t they are in when you do.

alissa2579 −  For the amount of rent you are paying, you could find another place to live. NTA.

matt120501 −  A huge NTA here. Your parents need to sit down with her. Either she pays rent like you do or she goes. That is what is fair and should be fairly straightforward but sounds like your sister is a little delusional. What does she do with all of her money?

Was the Redditor right to demand fairness by refusing to pay rent, or did they overstep? How would you handle a situation where one sibling receives preferential treatment at home? Share your thoughts and experiences in the comments below!