AITA because I refuse to go and visit my special needs stepsister in hospital even though she’s very sick? I low key hate her.

A 15-year-old Reddit user expressed their reluctance to visit their severely disabled stepsister in the hospital, despite pressure from their father and stepmother. Since the stepsister moved in three years ago, the user has felt neglected, isolated, and overwhelmed by the demands placed on them to help care for her.

The trauma of losing their own mother in a hospital has left them deeply uncomfortable with hospitals and resentful toward their stepsister. As a result, they’ve chosen not to visit, despite family disappointment. Read the full story below to better understand this emotionally complex situation.

‘ AITA because I refuse to go and visit my special needs stepsister in hospital even though she’s very sick? I low key hate her.’

I’m 15 years old. I have a stepsister who is a couple years older than me and she is really seriously disabled. I’m not sure what’s wrong with her because no one ever wants to discuss it with me but she’s non verbal, breaks her bones a lot, and has severe epilepsy and will have many fitting episodes. She also doesn’t understand stuff. That’s probably the easiest way to put it. She’s just a human body with nothing inside.

She’s my stepmoms daughter. My stepmom married my dad 3 years ago and they dated only for a year before that. I don’t know my stepmom very well and I don’t really get on with her. We are respectful to each other but I’m basically living with strangers because she’s so busy with her daughter and my dad. I am always on my own and I used to hate it but I’m used to it now.

Ever since they moved in to live with us life changed drastically for me because all the care now revolves around my stepsister. That’s fine, I get it, but both my stepmom and my dad ask me to do things for my stepsister that I don’t want to do and I resent doing. Stuff like staying home when I want to go to the mall with my friends, they’re disappointed that I don’t get her anything for her birthday with my very limited funds, etc.

My own mom passed away when I was small so I can’t go and stay anywhere else and all in all I’m just a lot more angry than I used to be because they seem really disappointed whenever I say I don’t want to do anything for her. Even stuff like feeding her- like- I don’t want to sit there feeding her banana pudding and wiping her drool. I didn’t ask for this.

Anyway, she recently fell a few days ago and had a seizure for 8 minutes. She was taken to hospital and the doctors want to keep her in and look after her. I don’t want to go and visit her. I remember seeing my mom in hospital before she died and I just hate hospitals and I sort of hate my stepsister and I just don’t want to go and visit someone who doesn’t even know I’m there.

My stepmom is really upset with me and so is my dad. They haven’t yelled at me or anything but they are both being super cold towards me because I don’t want to visit. My grandma who lives in Canada called me up out the blue and told me it was okay and I don’t need to force myself to go to the hospital so I’m assuming my dad has told her I’m refusing to go.

He keeps pleading with me but I keep telling him I’m not doing it. I told him hospitals remind me of mom and he got even more upset and said my stepsister might die and I need to stop being so s**fish towards my stepmom. I just want to know what Reddit thinks because half my friends think I should go and the other half think I’m justified in saying no.

These are the responses from Reddit users:

vlsewell −  NTA. You sound like an average teenager who has had a lot of life experiences early on. If going to the hospital upsets you, don’t go. And don’t be afraid to tell your dad what you need, which is his undivided attention for a minute! If you’re in school, talk to a counselor or teacher, or ask to be referred to therapy. You have a real asset in your grandma. Call her and talk with her often. She may be a good way to get through to your dad. Hang in there. I’m sorry life is tough right now.

WebbieVanderquack −  NAH. You’re right, you didn’t ask for this, you’re not your sister’s carer, and having lost your mom you’re understandably uneasy around hospitals. But please rethink the idea that “she’s just a human body with nothing inside.” People with disabilities are still people.

And while I don’t think you should be the one feeding her, it does seem strange that you don’t give her birthday gifts. Even something small would be a kind gesture. You’re in a really difficult situation, and I sympathise, but there has to be a middle ground between being her carer and rejecting her altogether.

adelitatennessee −  NTA. I completely disagree with the notion you should be there as support for your dad and step mom. You are a child. It’s not your role to be their support system (although in a healthy dynamic this will shift as you get older).

As far as how you feel about your stepsister- I completely understand why you haven’t formed a bond with her and feel like you can’t. It’s completely reasonable. I do think you should find a different way to verbalize it- saying you have no bond with her is different than saying she’s just nothing and it’s less offensive to people.

geegeepark −  NTA at all. I hate situations like this where everyone is getting a bad deal and the other kid/s get forgotten. You may have to pull your dad to the side and talk to him how you’re feeling forgotten.

emz272 −  NTA for not wanting to go visit or be responsible for your stepsister’s care/wellbeing. That’s just not an appropriate responsibility to ask a 15 year-old to take on, and it makes sense you have a lot of issues around hospitals because of your mom.

Sounds like you have a ton of (very understandable) resentment around your situation which makes a lot of sense — especially since you didn’t choose it, and you don’t feel any real connection with your stepmom or stepsister.
That said, you are slightly TA for how you describe your stepsister, and for “hating” her — she is a person, albeit one with a ton of challenges who can’t interact in a typical way. It’s not her fault those challenges make your life so difficult.

[Reddit User] −  NTA. Your stepmom and dad are assholes for expecting you to take care of her. You didn’t ask for any of this. You don’t have a relationship with her and she’s not related to you. I’m sorry you’re going through this. You’re only 15 and still a child who needs their father.

vodka_philosophy −  NTA. I don’t think they’re assholes for wanting you to go visit her in the hospital, but they *are* assholes for (at least partially) neglecting you and leaving you to more or less grow up on your own because they’re so focused on your sister.

captialistcommisar −  NAH. Your dad and step mom are understandable in wanting you to go but they should also understand your reasoning in bit wanting to go. Sorry about you mom and good luck to you.

Iystrian −  NAH. If she’s as disabled as you say, she won’t be aware that you’re there or who you are. You’d be doing it to support your dad and stepmother, which of course would be a nice thing to do. You shouldn’t be put in the position of caregiver for her though. And buying presents for her seems pointless.

Cjchio −  NTA. That’s a lot to put on a 15 year old. When dad made the commitment to marry mom, he did make a commitment to her daughter as well. However, that doesn’t automatically make you the new caretaker as well. He uprooted your life. It’s understandable you would be upset. And if you don’t like hospitals, don’t force yourself to go. I think your grandma has it right here, and hopefully she will talk some sense into dad.