AITA for not sharing I was buying a house?
A Reddit user shares the story of buying her first home with her husband, choosing to keep it quiet until everything was finalized. After her grandmother accidentally mentioned the new home to her mom, the user’s family was upset, especially her mom, who felt entitled to know about such a major life event.
The situation escalated, with the family calling her “selfish” and criticizing her for setting boundaries on her home and future plans. Now, she’s wondering if she was wrong to keep her new home private until she was ready. Read the full story below for more details…
‘ AITA for not sharing I was buying a house?’
Family is mad I didn’t tell them I was buying a house. My husband and I bought our first home a few months ago. I told very few people, only some people at work since I was missing for appointments and one friend.
My grandparents knew, but that’s because I was living with them at the time as my husband just got out of the military and we were saving before purchasing. Also, for context, my grandparents raised me so they are like my parents.
I thought I had a pretty good relationship with my mom. We’ve had our issues, but overall it was a good relationship. I was waiting to share the news until after funding went through, and I moved everything in and all was settled.
My belongings were in storage over a year and I was worried stuff would be ruined. Anyways, long story short, my mom called my grandma about something and my grandma for whatever reason told my mom I bought the house. I was upset with my grandma, but nonetheless forgave her.
My mom on the other hand blew up about it. Said “I am your mother and I have a right to know these things.” I told her, and my sister and stepfather who were all against me, that it isn’t their business. I explained I was waiting until everything was perfect so they could then come see it.
My mom was also mad because my grandma told her I didn’t want her to bring all of her dogs to my house. For context, my mom has like 8 maybe even more inside dogs and my dog doesn’t get along with hers. The argument just kept getting worse and worse to the point now that we all have each other blocked.
My mom was also mad my mother in law came to the house. My mother in law lives 20 minutes away, my mom lives in the state over a few hours away. I also asked my brother in law to come help hang a tv, so mother in law tagged along. It wasn’t like I hosted dinner.
She even mentioned how I am s**fish that I have said whenever I have kids I don’t want anyone to come to the hospital. To clarify, I am not pregnant and not even trying to get pregnant. But her and my grandma don’t get along well and equally hate each other and I get put in the middle of that hate.
Hence why when I do have a kid in YEARS, I don’t want anyone but my husband there lol. It is important to share when this all went down I was physically living in my house roughy only one week. I thought this whole thing was stupid from the start. Am I in the wrong though?
I understand she wants to be apart of big milestones, but she and the rest of them were acting entitled to know. And when I said that, I was told “you have no idea what entitlement means. You have so much to learn.” How would you try to move past this? Would you even try?
See what others had to share with OP:
BoundariesForWhat − Am i misreading here that your mom didn’t even raise you?
RepublicTop1690 − NTA. No one needs to know anything about your life until you want them to know. Your mom sounds like mine. Major d**ma queen who makes everything about her. I had b**ast cancer. I didn’t tell my mom for over a year. She cried and asked why.
“Because I was going through a lot, and I didn’t need you calling every day to ask if I was dead yet.” Parents who use their kids for attention are assholes and need to be kept on a strict information diet.
Tripentendre − NTA, no one has a “right” to know beyond you and your partner. It is your decision and your personal details and as such are yours to promulgate as you see fit. Often those claiming a “right to know about these things” are often same group you would rather not inform until you are ready.
PaganCHICK720 − NTA. Your mother sounds AWFUL! Why does your grandmother even engage with her, let alone tell her all of your business?
Maybe you can use this time that you have your mother blocked to talk to your grandma about not sharing your info with mom. That way, if you do go back into contact (I wouldn’t recommend it), there are boundaries in place.
newbeginingshey − In a healthy family dynamic, usually one does share major milestone news like this and celebrate with family, but if you and you mom don’t have a healthy dynamic (understandable, given that she didn’t raise you)
and/or you’re not sure she would have celebrated with you but rather detracted from the joy of such a major milestone, then your choice not to share the news is also a normal, probably healthy choice for you.. NTA
SunshineShoulders87 − The pattern here seems to be that your mom gets upset when you set boundaries so she cannot do whatever she wants with your life experiences. There’s a great saying that says something like: “the people who get upset about you setting boundaries are the ones who need them the most.”
It’s okay to want to wait until you’re ready to share big news (or to never share, because it’s your news). It’s okay to want privacy while in labor – a very vulnerable and intimate life event.
Especially if the person pushing to participate won’t respect the vibe you need for the room and will care more about their wants and needs than yours. It’s okay to not want 8 dogs in your home – brand-new or not. It’s also okay to not want 1. It’s your home, not hers.
Someone who wants to be a part of big milestones needs to act like they want to be a part of them by not blowing everything up the moment they don’t get what they want. Keep setting those boundaries and enforce them consistently.
She’s not going to like it, but you deserve some peace. If your grandma weaponizes your relationship that leads to these blow ups, you need to do something about that, too. But congratulations on your new home!!
_Radiant-Laws − NTA. Honestly, it sounds like you did what most people do when making a big life decision—keeping it under wraps until everything is set in stone. I mean, who wants to deal with family drama before they’ve even finished unpacking?
Your mom’s reaction is pretty out of proportion considering you weren’t trying to hide it, just waiting for the right moment to share. And I totally get why you wouldn’t want a pack of dogs running around when your pup isn’t on board with them. It’s your home, your rules!
As for wanting space when you have kids in the future? Totally reasonable. If they can’t handle your boundaries now, why would they think they’d suddenly understand them later?
As for moving past this, maybe give it some time. They might cool off a bit and realize how entitled they sounded. If they come around, you can talk it out. If not, that’s their loss for not celebrating your big win!
bamf1701 − NTA. No, your mother does *not* have the right to know these things, especially since you are an adult and living your own life now. The only things your mother has a right to know are the things *you* decide she has a right to know.
Like you said – it wasn’t her business, and everyone in your family who disagreed with you were wrong. She certainly doesn’t have the right to being her dogs over to your house without your permission.
It sounds like your mother is having trouble accepting that you are an adult now and is coming on strong to try to create a perception of power over you, when, in reality, she has none.
After all, you are living with your husband now and supporting yourselves – there is nothing she can do to make you do what she wants except try to intimidate you into doing it.
Long-Appearance-2868 − NTA. It sounds like you wanted to keep things calm and low-key until everything was settled, which is totally reasonable—buying a house is already a huge, stressful milestone without everyone weighing in.
It makes sense that you’d keep it private to avoid drama or expectations, and that’s your right. The way your mom and family reacted says more about them than it does about you, honestly. As for moving past it, you might want to let things cool down a bit before reaching out.
Maybe set some boundaries around how involved they get in your personal decisions going forward. But yeah, I don’t think you did anything wrong here—you just wanted a smooth transition into your new home!
anglflw − NTA. Nobody is entitled to more of your life than you’re willing to share.
Was the user right to keep her new home private until it felt ready to share, or should she have involved her family earlier? How would you handle family expectations around personal milestones? Share your thoughts in the comments below!
