AITA for being short tempered with the disabled kid?

A Reddit user shares their frustration after being assigned to work with a classmate, J, who has a disability, during a group project. The user was left to handle all the work while also having to care for J, whose aide was unhelpful.

Despite feeling overwhelmed and stressed, the user admits to showing clear annoyance, potentially hurting J’s feelings. They are now questioning whether they were wrong for being frustrated, especially after their dad told them they should have more empathy. To read the full story, see the original post below…

‘ AITA for being short tempered with the disabled kid?’

AITA for not wanting to work with the disabled kid? So, today in school we had a group project. I was sitting by my self but I was getting up to do the project with my friends. But then my teacher told me I was going to be working with a mentally challenged kid( let’s call him J).

The project was supposed to be done by 4 people but it was only me and J. So, I had to do all the work and watch him, as his aide just told him to help me but then did nothing?! I think I’m the a**hole because I am horrible at hiding my emotions and might have hurt his feelings with the clear annoyance on my face.

But I was really stressed and it was almost late. I’ve always been told to watch over others, like loud boys or J. Just because I’m a quiet girl doesn’t mean I’m willing to watch over everyone.

I think my teachers the a**hole for making me do the work of 4 people and watch J. But my dad says I should have more empathy for J and that it was a compliment. Aita?

Here’s the input from the Reddit crowd:

hopingtothrive −  This is very typical. Teachers will use a quiet female to make their job easier. No. Do not accept this treatment. By being made to baby sit difficult students you are losing out on working with your peers. You should not have any more empathy for others than anyone else has. That’s a crap excuse.

You need to get the most out of your education and not baby sit others. Do not accept this sort of treatment. Too many women are expected to sacrifice themselves to make others have an easier life.. NTA

KrofftSurvivor −  NTA – You’re right that it wasn’t fair, and it is unfortunate that your father won’t stand up for you. It would have been very reasonable for him to point out to the teacher that asking you to do the project with only one other person was unreasonable, and that your group should have had the same number of people as everyone else.

If there were not enough people to make up the last group, then there should have been 2 three person groups, not a bunch of 4 person groups and 1 two  person group that just happened to include an individual who was not capable of doing as much as the other students.

Find someone who can stand up for you with this teacher, because it is unfair to expect a student to be forced to play classroom assistant at the cost of their own educational experience. 

AddressPowerful516 −  NTA, the main issue isn’t J’s disability, it’s the teacher making someone his partner. By this I mean it sounds like you were able to make your own group, and was paired with J, and nobody else was.

I understand he probably wouldn’t have been picked by anyone, so I understand the assigning of a group but then everyone should have been assigned their group. The teacher was not making sure the project load was less/time increased due to only having two people but really just one capable.

Dad is half wrong. While you should show empathy it is not a “compliment” to be used to handle other students. That’s the teacher and aides job. You are being used unfairly and next time counter with “If I’m being selected to handle another student, I should automatically receive full credit for the assignment.”

Kay_kay021 −  You are totally in the right. Your grade is your grade. Yes I feel sympathy for J and there needs to be academic outreach for those with learning difficulties or those on the spectrum (forgive me if I misphrased there).

As a fellow female when I was paired up with boys they sometimes got the wrong ideas or I’d also have to carry the projects. Let the teachers know of the weight distribution of the project in a note or after class.

needabook55 −  NTA. But if you see things like this happening often, talk to your teacher and let them know that it’s not working. Take this project, you had to do a 4 person group project yourself, that isn’t right. If your teacher pushes back on this, get a meeting with the principal regarding the issues.

If the teacher wanted J to be part of the project, he should have been added as a 5th person to a group since he doesn’t have the capacity to fully participate in the project.

[Reddit User] −  NTA. Same happened to me because I was a great student and terrified of failure, so the teachers thought they’d get an easy ride. My parents joked I should ask how much I’d be getting paid for babysitting someone who didn’t contribute.. I actually asked the teacher that.

I was never asked to babysit again LOL.. Until middle school. The aid would have me do the work and copy it down on the kid’s paper.
Enter school’s anti-plagiarism policy. When the aid tried to pull that again—”Actually, I did it last time.

It’s cheating if I let him take my work without contributing. Let’s see his work first.” The aid was not happy and sat there bitching about it for 40 minutes. I did everything on my own and the teacher never asked me to let him copy my stuff again.

angrytwig −  my teachers used to use me on the problem kids. they weren’t disabled, just loud. teachers shouldn’t use students this way. and like is J performing at grade level or did the admin just pass him up to your grade? maybe that was why he didn’t do anything

rozemarinum −  NTA but to be honest, I don’t think the fact that he’s disabled was even an important detail to this post. The fact of the matter is that the teacher gave you ONE partner for a 4-person activity, and that partner did absolutely nothing to help you. That’s just b**lshit regardless.

birdmanrules −  I copped all the struggling kids at school. All the girls and boys who could not grasp the project or work. It was not fair that my marks were less and the teacher did not take into consideration I was doing their jobs. It’s not his fault. It’s the teacher who at least should have put two or three others to help

Vast_Self1149 −  NTA. My teacher did the same thing to me in 3rd grade. Put me with the problem kid all semester because I was a “good influence” but all he did was make my life harder.

The first week of school every single day I came home sobbing and my parents had to have a meeting with her (for several reasons, she in general was not a good teacher). Spring semester comes around and we get new partners and I get paired with the new girl.

She was fine but quiet and did not want to be friends so I went from being the babysitter of the annoying problem student to being the babysitter of the new girl while everyone else got to be with their friends.

And yes I was the nice quiet girl who was expected to be a good influence on them. This happened many times through elementary and middle school and only stopped because my high school teachers let us pick our partners and groups.

Do you think the Redditor’s feelings were valid, or should they have shown more empathy for their classmate? How would you handle being put in a similar situation? Share your thoughts in the comments below!