AITA for how I responded to my date’s car wreck on the first date?

A Reddit user shared their experience of a first date that took an unexpected turn when the other person was involved in a car accident right outside the restaurant. After checking to ensure she was alright and offering to reschedule, he returned inside to give her space to handle the situation.

Later, she asked to reschedule. Now he’s wondering if he was wrong for not staying with her while she dealt with the aftermath of the accident. Read the full story below to see how he handled the situation.

‘ AITA for how I responded to my date’s car wreck on the first date?’

I scheduled a first date at a local restaurant. I arrived a couple minutes early, went inside, and ordered a drink. My date was running a couple of minutes late. Then I got a text from my date saying that she wrecked her car right outside of the restaurant.

I told the staff that I’d be back to pay, and then I went outside to check on her. I greeted her, said I was really sorry she was in an accident, told her that I was grateful that she was okay, and told her that we could reschedule if necessary. She was uninjured and in good spirits.

This is the first time I was meeting her and, at the time, she still had to deal with police, paramedics, insurance, and the tow truck. I decided to give her space to deal with the aftermath of the accident without worrying about trying to meet me. So I told her that I was going back to the restaurant.

She said that she would be there in 30 minutes but she ended up asking to reschedule. AITA for going back into the restaurant and not being there while she dealt with the aftermath of the accident? She was ultimately cited for the accident and her car was totaled.

Let’s dive into the reactions from Reddit:

Fluffy_Sheepy −  I’m sorry, but where is the conflict? Did she text you later to chew you out for not standing with her or something?
Anyway, it seems like you behaved in a perfectly reasonable way to me. You displayed concern for her well-being, relief that she was OK, and consideration for her situation.

And at the end of the day, you are barely more than a stranger. Sticking around for moral support just seems awkward and possibly unwanted. I at least wouldn’t want someone I litteraly just met hovering around me while I was dealing with a stressful situation. . So NTA

Dunmordre −  You totally missed a perfect opportunity to make a great impression. She got a true impression of you though which is that, although you gave her space, you didn’t jump to help where you could. That’s kind of the number one things girls look for.

She gave you an honest appraisal at the end, which was kind of her. And it’s her choice not to continue with someone. You missed out on bonding over something, and making a good impression, but that was never your path to take. So don’t worry, continue in life and take it as a learning opportunity. 

Aware-Sock123 −  NAH but this was an opportunity for an interesting and meaningful connection and you just dropped the ball. Most dates are lowkey interviews at the start and you got a lucky chance at something more. She recognized your response for what it is, disinterest.

idontshred −  NAH. There’s a lot of pragmatism in these comments, people saying you did nothing wrong and you’re not obligated to do this or that and they wouldn’t want a stranger hanging over their shoulder either. This is technically correct.

To be clear I don’t think you’re an a**hole at all. If you were even just merely uncomfortable waiting with her while she finished taking care of things and wanted to go back inside, that’s your right. *However*, while this is essentially a stranger, the other context is that it’s also a date.

Dates are all about proving your character to someone. And while the night didn’t kick of the way either of you would have wanted it’s not postponed until she finishes her paperwork and gets to the bar, it started once you went out to check on her.

It’s cool that you went out to check on her, it’s less cool that you decided you’d rather finish your drink at the bar than provide her support after what might have felt like a brush with d**th (a totaled car seems pretty serious) for her despite how you perceived her disposition.

You were presented with a layup and decided to pass the ball. Deciding not to do anything is still a decision. I mean, did you even offer to give her a lift home after everything was done or when she said she wanted to reschedule?

Dates are about proving your character and, no matter what qualities you exhibit in your day to day, what you showed her in the 15 minutes she had with you was that you’re not going to support her in difficult times (like I said a layup).

Again, you’re absolutely not obligated to do anything for someone you really don’t know at all. But is that an attractive thing to express or exemplify on a first date?

pottersquash −  NAH. Personally, I would’ve felt weird if you stayed out there.

Salty-Initiative-242 −  NAH just two people who don’t know each other with different expectations of how complete strangers should behave.

Unable-Situation7807 −  NTA. You didn’t do anything “wrong” but you didn’t really do anything right ether. You should have asked her if she felt comfortable with you staying. You could have even used it as an opportunity to make some light hearted jokes “is this a metaphor for our relationship?”

Or whatever to get her laughing and her mind off it. But just going “I’m gonna go back inside” is kind of a weird response. In her eyes it probably looked like you really didn’t care or were a little awkward and she wouldn’t want to date someone like that.

Would you leave your friend/wife/girlfriend/parent/sibling alone? I know she’s a stranger but your in public and you kinda just bailed. Lesson learned, onto the next

1234iamfer −  It would have been nice to keep her company and provide assistance, while she dealt with the aftermath of the accident. Why would she date someone that doesn’t support her in a crisis.

ghoulzijewlzi −  Is it awkward knowing your date went to the restaurant and ate alone while they’re fully aware that you’re outside dealing with a literal car accident? Probably. I can see when the thought probably occurred.

Would it have won you favor if you went out there knowing they’re hungry/disappointed/stressed and you came back with food or something? Absolutely missed a chance at being the hero, BUT she was cited?

So it was her fault she got in a car accident and ultimately facing consequences of her actions? Either way it’s not worth dwelling on it so much as chalking up to discovering differences of opinions early on and appreciate how soon that was discovered.

Adversarii −  Light YTA imo, you weren’t obligated to help and if she was pissed about it that’d shift the a**hole-ness to her, however you did just abandon her in a stressful situation and personally that would be a big negative in my book.

I get you might have felt tied to the restaurant bc you have a table/tab but why not ask her if she wants you to stick around and then just run in quickly and close it out? I can’t personally fathom making the choice you did even if it’s valid.

I would totally understand if she couldn’t fathom it either and viewed it as a microcosm of how you handle these situations, being willing to provide support, and take on stress that isn’t strictly yours is a big part of being a good potential partner. Not surprised you got ghosted.

Do you think he was right to give her space after making sure she was okay, or would it have been better to stay and offer more support? How would you handle a situation like this on a first date? Share your thoughts below!