UPDATE: AITAH for crying when my boyfriend let his best friend’s wife alter the dish I made for dinner?

A Reddit user recently updated her story about a conflict with her boyfriend and his friends over an Indian dish she had prepared. After spending days perfecting the recipe, she was hurt when her boyfriend allowed his best friend’s wife to alter it without consulting her.

Following her post, the situation escalated when her boyfriend and his friends confronted her, with her boyfriend ultimately saying he needed space from the relationship.

In the end, she decided to walk away, questioning her place in a relationship where his friends’ feelings seemed to come first. Read the full story below to see how this confrontation played out.

For those who haven’t read the previous part: https://aita.pics/aODCt

 

‘ UPDATE: AITAH for crying when my boyfriend let his best friend’s wife alter the dish I made for dinner?’

He said he needed space from the relationship. I think with the way this post blew up and what happened because of a POST, I should clear up some things. I never asked if I should leave my boyfriend for this. I asked if this was an overreaction; my crying.

But having thousands of people tell me this was racially charged, Ellie wanted power, my bf is s**tty, etc, my brain went haywire. Bf called yesterday and when I got there (his house) with my best friend, Dave and Ellie were there. Ellie was crying and Dave looked really pissed at me.

My bf told me to sit down and Dave started with how could I make a post that most of the people in the dinner party would recognise and know, and could shame Ellie and my bf. My bf was silent, and wouldn’t even look at me, and was only shaking his head.

It felt like I was a kid, being scolded by my parents with my elder sibling disappointed in my actions. That is what I felt and it looked. I admit, it was very spineless of me, but Dave went on for like a minute and I was just looking at my bf waiting for him to defend me.

I asked Ellie, why would she alter my dish, after telling me to bring an Indian dish? She said she thought Indian food would be brown. This woman has more Indian friends than me, and she thinks Indian food is brown. She grew up in the UK, FFs. And I felt so defeated.

The comments, my friends, and people around me telling me his friends came first to him, not me. He said he didn’t think the sweet was a big deal. I told him I would never let my friend alter something he spent three days learning, getting people to taste it and got his mom involved in.

He saw I put a lot of effort into it, so why let her alter it? Why couldn’t he ask me? Ellie started to cry and say that she wasn’t being r**ist and she wouldn’t know that I put effort into it and now she couldn’t host dinners again. I said I used fake names, so why does it matter, unless she and Dave went around telling people?

Bf told me he didn’t expect this from me. My best friend piped up that he expected that my bf would have a ‘f-ing’ spine, so I guess they were both disappointed. My (ig now EX) Bf told me, in front of Dave and Ellie that he needs some space. I told him to get lost.

I dunno what my best friend said to him after that, considering I left bf’s flat. I kind of tripped in the metro station, so now I’m crying on my best friend’s couch with an ice pack while his bf keeps giving me peach schnapps and my relationship has toppled over.

I wouldn’t have stormed out, had he looked at me once. He just looked 100 percent on Dave and Ellie’s side, and acted like I was the one with the problem when she caused me hurt. If his friends come first when they cause me hurt, where would I have been, if I decided to marry this man?

My friends are good to me and are acting like I’m some fragile glass. I even heard my best friend and his brother whispering loudly from the kitchen and his elder brother wanting to threaten him via Insta Dms. I hate that this has come to this, considering I have always been the ‘mom friend’ to my friend group.

I’m drunk while writing this, so have some grace in the comments. Also, if you’ll be an incel like those people in my DMs, telling me I’ll never keep a man if I’m this dramatic, please go away. I just thought I needed to update, that’s it..

Here’s the input from the Reddit crowd:

LeaJadis −  She thought indian food was brown and she expects you to apologize for being upset by her r**ist thoughtlessness.
Your boyfriend sucks. His friends s**k. You dodged a bullet. Edited to add that I really hope Ellie tells all her ‘Indian friends’ how she “improved” the dish with cinnamon.

Cynical_Cat13 −  Wow, good thing your friend was with you. They were Still disrespecting you and treating you like a child. You are better off, at least you have good friends, unlike that pathetic ex bf.

AnakaliaKehau −  They knew what they were doing, they just didn’t care until it was pointed out. Somehow Ellie being hurt and crying was okay and they felt so sorry for her but you are being dramatic! It’s so odd how the bullies always seem to play victim and expect the wronged party to just kneel down and just “go with the flow”.

Thank you for standing up to your Dumba*s ex who still wanted to treat you like a child and needed a break!! A break? FFS he’s just an arrogant l**er to me at this point. I hope you can see him for what he is and that he’s just not the one. You / we deserve someone who values us!!! Updateme

Academic_Pick_3317 −  also, you are allowed to post about this. if you didn’t, they could just control the narrative here in your mind to manipulate you. they know that. they just don’t want others calling them out

cthulularoo −  I would have told BF to f**k off when he told you to sit down. They’re still treating you like a kid. And she’s r**ist as f**k.

ZombieZookeeper −  Hey “Dave” and “Ellie”: f**k you.

YokoSauonji12 −  Ellie :”I’m not r**ist”. Ellie again: “I thought Indian food would be brown”🤡🤡🤡. Glad you dropped this clow trio. As someone said the 3 of them wanted to force an apology from you.

SmeeegHeead −  The trash took itself out. It hurts now, but you dodged a bullet.. Updateme!

FeedsBlackBats −  I’m gonna put money on it that they are still lurking here and are reading, so I think addressing them first is a good idea. Hey Ex-bf, you know Ellie isn’t going to have s** with you right? Stop trying to impress her and doing what she says. Agreeing blindly with her makes you just as r**ist.

Ellie, you ARE a r**ist piece of s**t. You thought the food was going to be brown!!!! Wow, you are so dumb. And I don’t fully buy it either. You are so scared OPs food was going to outshine yours that you sabotaged it. Dave, enjoy being r**ist with your friends, and being a cuck.

OP, you have dodged a major bullet here. Please start looking out for when people treat you like a child, know your own self worth. Make some more of those sweets for your awesome friends, learn some more recipes from your Mom – youre obviously good at it and it gives some bonding time with your Mom. Let yourself heal.

strongopinion4life −  Wow she is crying because nobody wants to have a dinner party with a r**ist. She deserves all the things people said because she gave the most fck up reason to why she put cinnamon on ops food.

Your ex is a l**er, spineless ass hole and at this point he was more in a relationship with them than you. The other two can go to hell and shove their tears where the sun doesn’t shine. I’m so mad that op had to go through this s**t! You deserve better!

Do you think the Reddit user made the right choice in walking away from a relationship where she felt unsupported? How would you handle being in a relationship where friends’ opinions seem to take priority over yours? Share your thoughts in the comments below!

For those who want to read the sequel: https://aita.pics/QSlpV