AITA for wanting a pet around more so than seeing my wife’s family?

A man, who grew up with pets and deeply loves animals, feels betrayed by his wife’s recent opposition to getting a pet, despite previously agreeing to the idea. His wife’s family is also discouraging him, citing pet hair and allergies as concerns.

He has suggested solutions, like hypoallergenic pets and regular cleaning, but is met with resistance. He believes family members could take allergy medication or simply avoid visits if they’re unwilling to adjust. Read the original story below…

‘ AITA for wanting a pet around more so than seeing my wife’s family?’

I’m an avid animal lover. Growing up I had a dog, two cats, 2 parakeets, and several fish. We were a very pro pet home. Even now, 27 years old, when I see a stray dog or cat on the side of the road I’ll pull over and try to pet it. My wife on the other hand is very hesitant on having a pet.

She did grow up in a home similar to mine but she’s grossed out about the hair they leave everywhere. Initially when we were dating she seemed okay with having a pet a couple years after we got married. Now she really doesn’t like the idea. I feel kinda betrayed.

Recently the conversion has started to include my in-laws trying to convince me to not want a pet anymore. As I write this I had just walked out on a conversation with my mother in-law grilling me on have you thought of this and that. They are never satisfied with my answers.

My wife has started saying that if we get pets her brothers and sisters families wouldn’t come over because they have pet allergies now (which is a fact). I’ve started to tell her and her family the same thing that

1. If that’s a concern we can get hypo allergenic cats and dogs
2. If pet hair is a concern we’ll have our kids do chores daily like vacuum and cleaning the living room. I did it growing up and it worked fine. I couldn’t play video games or hangout with friends until I had my chores and homework done. Worked well for us.

3. If you are still worried, you can take medication for your allergies before you come over. If you can’t bring yourself to do a simple thing like take a pill or nasal spray before coming over then

A. Maybe you aren’t coming over for the right reasons.
B. When we have kids, there’s no rule saying need to see them for their birthday.. C. Don’t come over then. AITA for taking this position? Do I have the right to be annoyed or do I need to eat some humble pie.

Here’s the comments of Reddit users:

Artistic_Tough5005 −  NTA I would run out and get a pet if it meant my in laws would stay away

SupermarketNeat4033 −  Slight YTA You are right to be annoyed that you want pets and you had the expectation that’d be a part of your household and now it might not be…. However… 1. If you want a pet, you clean up after it. It doesn’t become your kids chores when you’re the one who wants a pet so bad.

You don’t get to volunteer them for new chores to accommodate something \*you\* want. This might also contribute to your wifes shifting opinion if you’re already planning on the other members of your family caring for the pet you want.

2. Your wife and your children probably want to see their extended family. You don’t get to decide that’s not important to them just because it’s not important to you. 3. Allergy medication doesn’t work for everyone. It’s not a simple as “take a pill and you’re 100% fine.”

Zombie_Fuel −  I’m gonna go against the grain and say YTA. You want a pet *so badly* that you feel as if it’s a literal betrayal that your wife doesn’t, and yet your first thought when it comes to cleaning up after said pet is to make your kids do so. I feel like that fact alone should just speak for itself, honestly.
ETA Wait, do you not even have the kids yet?t

Muufffins −  Leaning to YTA, 100% if you bring a pet in. You’re trying to impose your wants on the rest of the household, against their wishes. The hair, mess, noise, destruction, and extra work involved are all valid concerns. It’s unfair to expect others to work for something you want.

Every member of the household needs to be on board for such a choice. There’s a difference between seeming okay with something, and being enthusiastically on board. People are allowed to say no. 

 I think the in law thing is her finding someone to support her. An alternative to a partner who supposedly cares about her, but wants to disregard her wishes over a large life change. 

Both-Ad1586 −  I’m probably the wrong person to comment, because of being an animal lover who wouldn’t date, let alone marry, someone who wasn’t.  I’d MUCH rather be around my pets than people who don’t like my pets.  NTA

nemeranemowsnart666 −  YTA, you keep pressuring your wife when she has clearly said she doesn’t want one, her reasons are probably in part trying to get you to stop pushing, and you don’t get to decide whether your wife thinks it’s important to have her family over.

1. There are NO hypoallergenic animals, that is a marketing s**m 2. You are already planning on not taking care of the animal yourself and having your kids do it? Are they okay with that arrangement or are you planning on just having a pet you can play with and someone else can clean up after?

3. Antihistamines don’t work for everyone, they are expensive, and they often cause side effects.

rheasilva −  When you are sharing a home with someone, getting a pet should be something that both of you want, not something that one of you wants & the other person gets badgered into agreeing to.

2. If pet hair is a concern we’ll have our kids do chores daily like vacuum and cleaning the living room . You’re 27, I assume your wife is a similar age. Do you *have* kids who are old enough for chores? Because if you don’t, getting a pet now because you’ll get your hypothetical future kids to clean up after it seems … premature at best.

It’s your wife’s home too, & if she doesn’t want to share it with an animal then she shouldn’t have to justify that . If you want to spend more time with animals, try volunteering at an animal shelter or zoo. YTA If you try to “persuade” her into getting an animal she doesn’t want

[Reddit User] −  YTA for saying if YOU get a pet you will force your CHILDREN to clean up after it.

cstarh408 −  YTA – If you want an animal so badly, you must be the one to care for and clean up after it. Your kids (future kids? It doesn’t seem like you have them yet either.) did not ask for a pet, you did. For many people, allergies are not as simple as popping a pill and being fine.

I am allergic to cats, but I had to live with one for almost 3 years. I took an allergy pill every day, but the sinus pressure, stuffed up nose, and watery eyes were still constantly there. Also, you said at the start of your relationship that she *seemed* fine with having a pet. Did she actually explicitly say she was fine with a pet or agree to get one?

Should he compromise more, or is he right to hold his ground on wanting a pet? Share your thoughts below!