AITA for Telling My Wife She’s “F**king Wrong” and That My Mom Is Right?
A Redditor shares how financial struggles with his wife have led to serious tension in their marriage. When his mom offered frugal tips and pointed out excessive spending.
It sparked a heated argument between him and his wife, ultimately leading him to tell her, “You’re f***ing wrong. My mom is right.” Now, he’s left questioning if he went too far. Read the full story below.
‘ AITA for Telling My Wife She’s “F**king Wrong” and That My Mom Is Right?’
I (35M) have been married to my wife (32F) for five years, and we’ve been struggling financially for the past few months. I lost my job about three months ago, and while I’ve found part-time work, it doesn’t pay nearly as much as before.
We’ve had to cut back on a lot of things, but it feels like no matter what we do, we’re still living paycheck to paycheck and even pulling from savings. Recently, my mom (65F) came over to visit, and she noticed how stressed I was about the money situation.
She offered some advice on how we could save money—things like cutting down on takeout, meal prepping to avoid buying groceries multiple times a week, and switching to cheaper brands. My mom has always been frugal, especially when she was raising me and my siblings on a tight budget.
I thought it made sense, especially since we’re really trying to save wherever we can. I asked if she was willing to go through our spending and show where we could cut down. My wife agreed with this.
She made a whole spreadsheet about our spending, and we are spending wayyyyy to much on fun stuff. We don’t need Starbucks everyday and so on. It also became apparent that most of the fun spending was my wifes
Tbh my wife didn’t take the breakdown well and started arguing with my mom that her spreadsheet was wrong. She said that my mom’s way of doing things is “outdated” and doesn’t work for us. She doesn’t want to give up buying organic produce, and she likes having variety in what we eat each week.
I tried to explain that we need to make some sacrifices if we want to get out of this financial hole, but she kept insisting that things weren’t as bad as I was making them out to be and that we just needed to “ride it out.”
My mom left at this point and we were still arguing, and she told me she can’t give up her takeout . She also went on about my mom being wrong. That’s when I lost my patience and said, “You’re f***ing wrong. My mom is right.
She managed to raise three kids on one income, and we can’t even cut back on groceries for a few months? My wife got really upset, saying I am being a huge j**k for winding with my mom and that my mom is outdated.
She’s barely spoken to me since, and now I’m wondering if I went too far. But the way I see it, we need to be realistic about our situation, and my mom’s advice could actually help us get back on track.
Here’s what Redditors had to say:
Allaboutbird − NTA. Your wife agreed to go through your budget with your mom, your mom took the time and effort to review things and then it sounds like your wife was very rude and dismissive. As far as I know math hasn’t changed that much in the last 30 years so it’s not clear how your mom’s views are outdated.
workinkindofhard − ~~INFO did your wife and you discuss having this conversation with your mom and did the three of you sit down an make this spreadsheet together?
Or did you and your mom do this on the side and share the info with your wife later?~~ Edit: NTA, your wife agreed to the conversation and is being unreasonable because she doesn’t like the suggestions
Didntlikedefaultname − Info. You mentioned your own loss of a job and working part time. Does your wife work? Is she the primary earner right now?
Ambroisie_Cy − NTA. * Your wife wants to continue the lifestyle you had before you lost your job. * She’s closed to any compromise that could affect her lifestyle. * She refuses to see how dire your financial situation is. * She refuses to take any responsibilities.
* Your wife is okay with your mother’s input only if your mother says what she wants to hear. Was the F\*ck necessary? Probably not. But, in this context, with the frustration building up, I can understand the word slipping here. So, no, not the a**hole, even with this word.
I’d ask your wife what are the solutions according to her then? If your mother is wrong and your wife is right, then ask her to explain to you how she is right. What solutions can she propose? Here are other things that you could tell her:
* Meal prep, can be boring indeed. But, instead of meal prep, you could “ingredient prep”. Meaning that you could prep a bunch of ingredients that can be use in different receipe. There’s a whole community on Youtube doing it and giving ideas.
* Instead of her daily Starbucks. She could cut it down to once a week. The rest of the week, you could buy the ingredients that creates her Moka Pumpkin Spice with wipcream and cacao powder coffee and she could make it herself at home. Most of the time, it ends up 10x better and 10x less expensive.
* You could cut down the take out at once a week and transforming it into a romantic night. Those are the solutions your mother told you already, but with a positive note added to it. Now, of course your problem seems deeper than just trying to put everything into a positive perspective.
Your wife is acting extremely childish. But for the problem at hand, I think it might work. As for your wife and her attitude, I’m kind of out of words here. Edit: I know, my comment is already long. I just read a few of your answers and God Damn! You have a wife problem here.
She refuses to work full time because it’s bad for her mental health? You lost your job, she needs to put more effort right now. That’s what partnership is all about! She is extremely s**fish and entitled. You don’t just have a temporary financial problem, you have a full time wife problem.
She refuses to put any effort on every front of your relationship (As far as I know). She is waiting for you to do almost everything (financially speaking).This needs to be addressed more seriously. Her lack of responsibility and effort into this relationship is a huge red flag.
catladyclub − NTA and your wife needs to learn the difference between a need and a want. She doesn’t want to give up her luxuries. So evidently Starbucks is more important than financial security. My husband and I are very frugal. I do not upgrade my phone until I have to.
We only eat out dinner once a week. We pack our lunches. We do not have designer expensive clothes. I shop sales for everything. I plan my menu for the week around the sale ad. My husband and I make over 250 grand a year and he wears Rural King jeans that cost 12.99.
Because we do not need to impress anyone. I would rather have 3 grand in a 30 dollar purse than a 3 grand purse with $30 in it. As a result we can pay cash for items like cars, etc. We are set up well for retirement. It is called priorities.
Paying 10 bucks for a coffee during the week adds up to $50. That is 2600 a year. That coffee tastes good but when you can’t pay your bills or have no money for emergencies or retirement what are you going to do?
Cayke_Cooky − ~~INFO: are YOU going to be the one doing the meal planning and preping? Or is this all advice for what your wife needs to do?~~ Edit: OP’s comment below, I am amazed they are doing as well as they are.
rockology_adam − NTA, although language and tone got in the way of that. You and your wife NEED to have this conversation, because you’re obviously at odds, but accusations and loud cursing will not get you there.
I can see why your wife is calling your mom’s ideas outdated, because the millenial shift in thought is often stereotyped as “you can’t take it with you, so enjoy it now.” It’s what boomers said when they got to retirement, but now applied to younger people who think it NOW while they have the money to do fun stuff..
It’s where avocado toast came from, and frankly, it’s not wrong… if you’re happy with never making it out of the hole. You’re obviously not. Your mother’s advice IS good advice, and her spreadsheet is not wrong.
It’s triggering for your wife because it points out that what she considers her feel-goods, impulsive or fun spending, are financially incompatible with the financial security that would be more stable.
Stability versus comfort seems like an easy call, except for many people, myself included, stability without comfort isn’t actually stability.
You will want to talk to a real financial advisor. You will want to look into couples counselling, and if you can get the two in the same place, that’s a good idea.
What you and your wife want, at the moment, are incompatible and far apart. You will probably need some assistance to get to compromise, and it will have to be compromise. Your mother’s stringent drop-it-all advice is too strict and will not fly.. Good luck.
C_Majuscula − NTA. Everything your mother said still applies. If you’re pulling from savings but still buying Starbucks, takeout, organic groceries, streaming services etc., it’s time for somebody with some sense to start yelling. These are the actual priorities:
* Rent/mortgage and renters’/homeowners’ insurance. * Car payment if applicable and insurance. * Health insurance. * Utilities / gas for the car. * Basic food, although you could look to see what you may be able to get from food banks
It sounds like your wife has never had to economize from her baseline, but she’s going to have to learn. What is her plan once you run out of savings? Keep buying organic while you’re couch surfing?
Ok_Conversation9750 − NTA and your wife needs a major reality check!! Calling a sensible budget old fashioned is beyond stupid! A budget is a budget – there’s no expiration on common sense.
In 2008 -2009 when tens of thousands of people lost their jobs, myself AND my husband both got laid off. We did exactly what you did – sat down and made a budget and determined what to cut out. Eating out was #1 thing we dropped.
My monthly pedicure went away. Coupon cutting became a f**king religion! I fear for your marriage and financial future if your wife can’t wrap her head around the concept of living within your means!
JimmyAintSure4646 − NTA, but your wife certainly is! She claims your moms ways are “outdated,” when they’re actually just realistic.
You and your wife absolutely need to get on the same page in regards to finances, otherwise the issue will never be resolved and your current situation will become the normal. The single most important financial decision you can make is who you marry.
Do you think the Reddit user’s approach was necessary given the financial situation, or should he have handled his wife’s reaction with more sensitivity? How would you balance family advice with respecting your partner’s opinions? Share your thoughts below!
