AITA for being jealous of my sister who just finished cancer treatment?

A Reddit user shares how they felt overlooked when their parents surprised their 16-year-old sister with a new car to celebrate finishing cancer treatment, while they received a much smaller gift on their own birthday.

Despite helping out with chores and other responsibilities during her illness, the user had hoped for financial assistance in buying a car, but their parents declined, citing lack of funds.

When the user expressed disappointment, their parents accused them of being jealous of their sister’s situation. Read the full story below for the details.

‘ AITA for how I reacted when my parents surprised my 16 year old little sister with a new car for her birthday after she finished her cancer treatment but bought me a $25 gift card and a book for mine which was just two weeks later?’

My sister was diagnosed with with cancer last year. It has been hard on our family and even harder on her. I love my sister and I tried to be there for her as best as I could. I also did everything I could to make things easier for my parents.

I took over all chores, cooked everyday, cleaned the house, did laundry, took care of my younger sibling and babysat them more.
Luckily she is doing really well and has recently finished her treatment which is great and we are all grateful.

Our birthdays are two weeks apart and hers was two weeks ago. My parents bought her a new car to celebrate after everything she went through which I understand, she does deserve it but I was a bit surprised because I thought they didn’t have any money.

My dad has been unwilling to help me get a used car since last year telling me that they do not have the money. I didn’t even want him to pay for all of it, I have been saving up and just wanted them to help me with the rest but he kept telling me that they have no money for that.

Well my birthday just rolled around and my parents bought me a book that I mentioned in passing and a $25 take out gift card to a place I like. I thanked them but they saw that I wasn’t too thrilled and asked me what was wrong.

I told them that while I appreciate the gifts, I thought that they were finally going to help me with the remaining $800 for buying the used car seeing that they could now afford a new car for my sister.

But that’s when they accused me of being jealous of my sister who had just gone through something very traumatic and that I was trying to make everything about me and why couldn’t just be happy for her. They said that at the end of the day I have a job and could just continue saving. Am I the a**hole?

These are the responses from Reddit users:

Jocelyn-1973 −  INFO: how old are you and what did you get for your 16th birthday?

Arakarani −  NTA. It’s not jealousy to feel undervalued. I understand your sister has been through hell but siblings of sick kids always seem to get lost in the panic. It’s entirely up to you, but if it were possible, I’d really talk to your parents about how this made you feel.

You stepped up and took care of the household while never giving up on your sister. I think they’re probably scared and I get that the diagnosis changed everyone’s lives, but if they continue to paint this picture of you in their heads that you’re resentful and jealous, that can so negatively impact your relationship with them in the future.. ETA: advice

sammac66 −  NTA, Yes your sister went through a lot but so did you. I understand that while she was going through treatment she may have gotten more gifts from friends, family, etc. But when giving gifts to you and your sister for birthdays Christmas etc, there values should be equal.

This is very easy. I know because I have two daughters and when my youngest was four she was diagnosed with a cancerous brain tumor. She went through surgery and treatment and I never treated her any better than I treated her 7-year-old sister.

Yes, she received about 15 stuffed animals from friends and family and only one of those friends Thought to get a stuffed animal for Brenda as well and an aunt and uncle that bought tablets for both of them. When she came to the hospital to visit her sister I took her down to the gift shop and let her select a stuffed animal.

She didn’t get 15 but she got two and she was happy with that. But when it came to their birthdays and Christmas I always tried to make it equal. I love them both very much and it was hard on both of them.

I let my oldest know that I appreciated all her help and her patience and I apologized that I was spending so much more time with her sister out of town and at the hospital. But that all changed when we came home after the treatment was over.

Then I spent my time with both of my girls. Did your parents favor your sister before the cancer diagnosis? Your parents should be grateful for all the help you gave them while your sister was sick helping around the house. I’m sorry they don’t recognize that.

One day you will find someone that will recognize you for all you are worth. Hang on to that person and if your parents don’t change I would distance yourself from them. Keep the people in your life that appreciate you and all that you do.

Aggressive_Cup8452 −  NtA. This would be the end of me helping out. Do your chores and move on. It’s sad that your sister has to deal with cancer. But the gap between gifts is too much. And if you keep giving, your resentment will keep building. 

Round_Butterfly2091 −  I’d get more hours at work so you can save more for that car. If you can’t babysit anymore, well too bad. You are just doing what they said, right?

Also, I would study more in a quiet library or start volunteering in your community and so on. All those extra chores you have done to help out, nope. They can do them now that the treatments are over.

Honest-Sector-4558 −  NTA. This is a surefire way for your parents to create a situation where you resent both them and your sibling. I understand wanting to do something nice for your sister after what she’s been through, but the gifts are really unproportionate and I’m not sure why they thought that was a good idea.

Especially if you’ve been carrying the weight of chores and housework for others while your sister has been sick. I think you should work more hours to save up for a car faster. And since you’ll be working more, you should stop contributing as much to the household in terms of cooking, cleaning, and childcare.

Prestigious-Act-4741 −  Your parents really said, you are making your own birthday all about you? Ah yeah that’s the point of birthdays. NTA but I would consider trying to talk to them again if they are normally reasonable people they might not have realised how it would look to you and be ashamed and embarrassed.

TopAd7154 −  NTA. Stop helping out. Tell them to hire a cleaner and a babysitter. Then move out.

NCJ81 −  NTA you parents are the AH´s they are favoring one child over the other, I am afraid it happens alot when one child had a bad desease, and I would have reactede alot stronger I would have given them a piece of my mind, and told them they loose me, if they ever treated me like that, just get away from them, they will always put her before you now

SakuraKitsune4 −  NTA- I get it, cancer is scary, but the fact that you picked up a lot of the slack in the household for them and that went unnoticed/unappreciated is not okay.

They clearly haven’t put any effort in with you because your sister is sick and that’s leading to a “golden child” issue that will come back to bite them. Try explaining why you feel the way you do, point out everything that’s unbalancing the scales and if they’re still stubborn LC and stop helping out as much.

Do you think the Redditor was wrong to feel hurt by the lack of support, or was their reaction inappropriate given their sister’s health journey? How would you have handled this situation? Share your thoughts below!