AITA for telling my father “I do know about that”?
A wildlife biologist (28F) shared her work at a family gathering, but her father repeatedly questioned her expertise with dismissive comments. She finally responded by highlighting her qualifications, in a lighthearted tone, but her father felt disrespected.
After leaving, her mother accused her of “talking back” and aggravating him. Now, she wonders if she was wrong to defend her knowledge. Read the original story below…
‘ AITA for telling my father “I do know about that” ? ‘
I (F28) am a wildlife biologist. I have a master’s degree in Wildlife Conservation and am hoping to go for my doctorate soon. I have worked in this field since I was 16, and am very passionate about it. When visiting my family recently for Easter, my mom asked me to tell the family a little bit about work.
I was very excited to talk about my current research! Here’s where the issue comes in, though. My father (M60) would respond to almost everything I said with “hmm, I don’t know about that…” At first, I tried to ignore it, but it just. Didn’t. Stop.
Eventually, I responded “Well, I do, given the two degrees and all!” I responded in a light, playful tone, but he did not take it well at all. He immediately accused me of being disrespectful. I responded “I’m sorry, but it’s disrespectful of you to insinuate that you know more than I do about my field.”
Dinner got pretty quiet after that. I finished the meal, helped with the dishes, and said goodbye before leaving, but on the ride home I got a phone call from my mother asking me why I felt the need to aggravate my father and why I had to “talk back.” I am a 28 year old professional, this feels insane to me. AITA?
Here’s what people had to say to OP:
serioushobbit − NTA. At first you used a playful tone so you weren’t confronting him in front of other people. He was being disrespectful to you to start with.. Is this a pattern with him?
ExamAcademic5557 − NTA your dad is obviously uncomfortable with the idea of you being an authority, does he have any post grad education? Many older gen folks without education feel threatened by being perceived as ignorant so they posture as compensation.
[Reddit User] − A great reply might be, “Oh, no? Tell me more about why you don’t agree.” Let him talk himself into a corner or off a cliff. He’s not gonna know your field as well as you do, and he’ll make an ass of himself trying to appear that he does.
There’s a famous quote that goes, “never interrupt your enemy when he’s making mistake.” Now, of course, he’s not your enemy but you get the idea.
jensmith20055002 − Every. single. family dinner. My humungous family has an opinion on everything. The number of times they are flat out wrong about biology is stunning. I have had every possible reaction, anger, bemusement, deafness, irritation, debating.
In the end whether I take the high road or the low road, I often feel like s**t. Deafness or shrugging is usually my best defense against vague “I don’t knows”.
I can explain it to you, but I can’t understand it for you. (then give a cheeky wink) I don’t have the time or the crayons to explain this to you. (then laugh as if everyone is in on the joke)
Finally: Mark Twain: Never argue with stupid people. They will drag you down to their level and beat you with experience.. Good luck going forward.. NTA
StAlvis − NTA I responded “I’m sorry, but it’s disrespectful of you to insinuate that you know more than I do about my field.”. *Fuckin’ a.*
StellarPhenom420 − NTA at all! He needs to realize he’s raised an intelligent and educated child who is capable of teaching him a thing or two, and that he doesn’t know everything. I can’t help but wonder how he’d respond if you had been his son instead of his daughter.
Mental-Woodpecker300 − Honestly your dad sounds rude but your mom was 100% wrong with the phone call. SHE instigated a conversation about it specifically because it’s what you have studied, you weren’t”aggravating” your father, he was insulting you by undermining your knowledge on something you LITERALLY HAVE DEGREES IN. And all you did was point that out. The audacity 😒 NTA op
SpaceyScribe − Why do so many parents s**k, and the other parent just enables the s**k?. NTA.
Aggravating_Net6733 − NTA. You (or your parents or your grant committee) paid a freaking fortune for you to become an expert in a field. You’ve worked hard and you’re accomplishing something. Your parents should be proud of you. You should be proud of yourself.
If he says, “well, I don’t know about that.” You should say, “No, reason why you should. I’ve studied for more than ten years and I still haven’t learned all about the mysteries of (fill in the blank here). It’s a fascinating study.” Your father sounds a little insecure about your superior knowledge.
Did she overstep, or was she simply asserting her expertise? Share your thoughts below!
