AITA for telling my mom and dad that they have to get their noses pierced if they want to see my daughter again?

After a woman’s parents got her one-year-old daughter’s ears pierced without permission, she and her husband were furious and left their visit early. They refused future visits unless her parents agreed to get their noses pierced as a symbolic gesture to acknowledge their overstep.

Her parents and other family members found this demand unreasonable, resulting in more tension and family members calling to defend the grandparents’ actions. Read the original story below…

‘ AITA for telling my mom and dad that they have to get their noses pierced if they want to see my daughter again?’

My husband and I travel down to Mexico to visit with my family. I am an American citizen my mom and dad are not. My mom and dad got my daughter earrings for her birthday. My daughter’s ears are not pierced. She is only one year old.

I told them that I would save them for her until she was old enough to get her ears pierced. We left my daughter with my parents while we went to meet up with some friends. When we went to pick up my daughter my mom showed us that we didn’t need to wait because they had taken her to get her ears pierced.

I got my daughter and I dragged my husband out of there before he lost his s**t. We went back to our hotel. I am furious. My husband said that my parents are not allowed to spend time alone with my daughter ever again. I went farther.

I said that I would not be bringing her, or any other kids we might have, down here to see my parents. We checked out three days early and went home.
On the way home my parents were calling me to see when we were coming over. I ignored all the calls and texts until we were back home in Phoenix.

We took a couple of days to think things over and cool down. I finally called them. I asked them not to speak until I was done talking. I told them that my husband and I are upset with them for getting our baby’s ears pierced without our permission.

I told them that we went back home and probably wouldn’t be visiting for a while. They said that my sister and I both had pierced ears when we were babies and that it did not harm us. I said that we were not going to change our minds.

They started getting everyone including my grandmother to call me and say I was being ridiculous. I talked with my husband and we came up with a compromise. We agreed that we would resume visits, but not alone time, with them if they both got their noses pierced.

They said that we are being stupid and that they are not going to do that. I said no problem and hung up. We have started blocking anyone who tries to call us and give us s**t for denying my parents their RIGHT to see my daughter.

Here’s the comments of Reddit users:

Ready_Tank_7463 −  NTA. I read your “ultimatum” as more tongue-in-cheek. Not that you’re actually expecting them to get their noses pierced but that you’re simply enforcing a NC boundary (knowing that they’re obviously not getting themselves pierced). I think that’s fine and fair.

What they did was wrong on so many levels. And since they refuse to apologize or take accountability for their huge lapse of judgment, I think going NC is appropriate.

mellow-drama −  These posts just blow my mind. Grandparents want to do something. Parent says, no (in this case, daughter is too young for that). Grandparents do it anyway – in this case PHYSICALLY ALTERING the child’s body against their parents’ wishes.

Parent takes child and leaves, and grandparents – who are supposed to be having a visit – don’t hear from parent for days, even past the time that the vacation was supposed to happen. Grandparent thinks “Wow.

I didn’t think it was a big deal but my kid is so mad they took their kid home, cut their vacation short, without even saying goodbye AND they haven’t spoken to me in days. Should I (A) apologize and take accountability for having gone against their wishes with their kid, even though I personally don’t think their rule made sense,

or (B) double down and imply they’re overreacting and tell them that I expect them to accept that I can do whatever I want to their child and they have no say, or (C) Do B plus call all of my friends and our family, cry to them about how I’m such a victim, and ask them to harass my child about how sad I am and how awful they’re being. Yup, definitely C!”

Half of being a mature adult is accepting accountability when you’re wrong. It’s so easy. And the higher the stakes – say, for example, whether or not you’re allowed to have a relationship with your own adult child and their family – the easier it should be to admit that you crossed a line.

But nope, parents would rather be righteous than happy. After all, how DARE their child (who is a grown, married adult and parent of their own child) think they don’t have to obey?? How DARE their child try to impose any rules or boundaries around their own family or child, DON’T THEY KNOW WHO I AM???

I,who CHOSE to have a child, actually fed and clothed that child when it was helpless and I was required to care for the life I CHOSE to bring into the world. That means the child owes me obedience in everything and forevermore!!!

Like, the nose piercing thing is ridiculous but if they’d just apologized, and given some space and time, I assume the OP would have let them.visit eventually, even if not unsupervised.

But instead of apologizing they put on this whole show and turned the entire family against the OP simply for saying “Hey it’s not okay that you went behind my back, abused the trust I placed in you to care for my child, and permanently altered my child’s body after I explicitly said it’s not happening.”

Stick to your guns, OP. If your parents would rather be “right” than have you in their life, then they aren’t the kinds of people you want as role models for your kids anyway.. NTA.

MelodiesOfLife6 −  They said that my sister and I both had pierced ears when we were babies and that it did not harm us. I mean I would have just come back with “And you as the PARENTS decided to do that, you didn’t let someone else do it behind your back did you?. ​

That’s the end of the argument, they went behind your back to do something that you did not approve of to be done to YOUR child.. ​. NTA.

Jayy-Quellenn −  NTA. Putting holes in a childs body (thats not your child) should be down right abuse and punishable by crime. I’m honestly amazed they found a piercer that was willing to do it without LEGAL guardian consent.

But I guess this was in Mexico so they wouldn’t have the same laws at tattoo / piercing shops. I’d assume this would be illegal in the US, unless they found someone to back-door do the piercing without the right legal approvals.

youshallcallmebetty −  NTA. And hilarious clap back to them. Protect your child. Can’t believe they felt entitled enough to get a baby’s ears pierced without getting permission.

-DementedAvenger- −  unique chop caption shaggy sand deranged school piquant spark complete. This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*

ivylass −  NTA. I hate hate HATE this custom of piercing baby’s ears. They’re not old enough to understand why they’re being hurt. Your parents crossed a line and you and your husband are well within your rights to tell them to back off. Keep doing what you’re doing.

Relevant-Inside8117 −  You’re Mexican. So to your parents this is ridiculous. You already knew that though. If this is something you’re willing to cut your parents out over then go for it. Don’t offer d**bass ultimatums. That just makes you sound dumb and immature.

This is your kid and you get to keep her away from your parents for any reason that you want. If you feel comfortable doing that, that’s on you. I am a bit annoyed that you don’t seem to understand the cultural context here. You know baby girls in Mexico get their ears pierced and it’s not some massive issue.

You were raised by these people so you already know that. I’m wondering why you don’t seem to understand that to them this is not some huge deal. You are NTA because as a parent you get to make any decision you want for your kid.

[Reddit User] −  NTA. Tell them to p**s off. This is YOUR daughter and you have every right to be mad. Sure, a lot of babies do get their ears pierced when they’re, well, babies, but that doesn’t mean the grandparents make those decisions.

They don’t. Protect your baby, OP. They have no right to meddle into your family; they had their turn, time for them to let someone else (aka the actual parents) take charge.

Was this a reasonable compromise, or an unnecessary demand? Share your thoughts below!