AITA for saying I’ll be driving myself and paying for my own room on the upcoming family vacation so I won’t have to be a babysitter?
A 23-year-old man feels frustrated after being made to babysit his nephews on last year’s family vacation, where he was unable to enjoy any activities of his own. For the upcoming trip, he decided to drive himself and pay for his own room to avoid being a babysitter again.
His family, especially his sister, is upset, saying he’ll ruin the vacation if he doesn’t help. Read the original story below…
‘ AITA for saying I’ll be driving myself and paying for my own room on the upcoming family vacation so I won’t have to be a babysitter?’
I 23m was repeatedly stuck playing the part of helper and babysitter on family outings. I had to move out of my parents’ house because I kept being forced to help watch my three nephews. Last year we took a family vacation in summer to the coast. I rode along with my parents, and they paid for my hotel room.
Only, I had to share that room with three rowdy boys because my sister and her husband wanted a room to themselves. I was promised time to do my own things on the vacation. But instead I ended up having to help with these kids. I complained to everyone about it, and was reminded I was there for free.
And then we pretty much just did only one thing I wanted to do. Which was tour an art gallery. I like doing this whenever I’m at the coast. But the kids find it boring. This year my parents have a beach trip planned for June. And they assumed I’d be riding along the same way as last year. But I refused.
I said I’d be driving myself, and paying for my own hotel stay to have my own room. My parents were shocked, and tried to remind me of the cost. I said it was no worry. I’ve got a good job and a decent running car. I can more than afford it. That’s when the “Buts” started.
I stated the previously listed things as why I’ll be driving myself and paying for myself. I want to be able to enjoy this vacation as an adult, and not be treated like a child like last year. My parents told my sister, and she called to blow up at me that I’ll be ruining the vacation if I’m off doing my own thing while she has to wrangle her three boys.
I ended up yelling at her that last year all she did was rope me into her mess. I didn’t really get to do much of anything I wanted to do. And I was treated like the bad guy for wanting to just go to an art gallery. I’m a grown man. I deserve my own vacation too.
Now my sister is not speaking to me, and my parents are still trying to convince me to just ride with them to keep the peace. I’m still refusing. But the pressure is getting to me. AITA for not giving in? I know they’ll have a pretty hard time when they won’t have another person there to help.
Here’s what the community had to contribute:
SamSpayedPI − My parents told my sister, and she called to blow up at me that I’ll be ruining the vacation if I’m off doing my own thing while she has to wrangle her three boys.
That’s a laugh. She’s admitting she’s ruining *your* vacation so as not to ruin her own! They’re *her* kids and *her* responsibility. NTA. In fact, you’re nicer than *I* would be; I’d just say “no thanks; I’ve got other plans” and avoid the family vacation altogether.
KronkLaSworda − NTA Do not give in. It’s time to stand your ground. This internet stranger is proud of you. Holy s**t. Never in the history of AItA has there been such a clear-cut case of Golden Child and S**pegoat, and I’ve seen some doozies. I’m a grown man. I deserve my own vacation too.
Correct. Honestly, what are you getting out of these family vacations? Just go do your own thing and avoid the hassle and stress and pressure to babysit.
75oharas − NTA but if you are paying for yourself go somewhere else on your own to make it a hard no to babysitting
Normal-Height-8577 − NTA. And at this point, I would personally be saying “Okay, you guys have collectively made it very clear that I’m not wanted as adult company but only as free childcare.
I think we would all be better taking a break from that dynamic in the interests of preserving family feeling, and so I will not come on this year’s vacation at all. I wish you guys all the best, but I will be vacationing alone somewhere else this year.”
Also? Tell your parents that you can’t keep the peace when someone else is responsible for breaking it – your sister’s determined steamrollering of your time and goodwill is not something that you can just lie down and take forever. She is a parent and it’s her job to care for her own children.
Even on vacation. If someone does her the favour of helping out, then she owes them gratitude for the gift, not taking their help for granted and assuming she can force them to sacrifice their entire vacation time. No-one owes her that sacrifice. And no, she doesn’t get to palm the kids off on other people overnight, either.
the_harlinator − Nta. Your sister can pay a babysitter to come on the vacation if she doesn’t want to deal with her 3 children. Personally, I wouldn’t even go bc even in a separate hotel room, they aren’t going to leave you alone about this. They feel very entitled for your babysitting services.
No_Yogurtcloset_1020 − NTA. As a mom of 3 rowdy boys myself, you aren’t doing anything wrong. Your sister is a parent, so it’s her job vacation or not to parent her kids. You’re child free and should be allowed to enjoy your vacation without being a babysitter.
Your sisters vacation is only ruined by her choice to have children. Edit: thank you for the award. ♥️
Chocolatecandybar_ − NTA. It’s four persons for three boys, if they need more help they can hire a nanny. Plus: claps to your sister, she trapped you in free babysitting by making your parents pay your room. Wow the entitlement is real
berriiwitch − NTA a million times over. If they keep giving you s**t, I wouldn’t even go. If you do, stay firm when your sister inevitably tries dumping the kids on you. Or send her links to a babysitting service that’s local to where you’ll be going. Tell your parents they can use the money they were going to spend on you for a babysitter for your sister.
Parasamgate − BRAVO!!! Well done! You win! Finally, someone that knows the exact solution required, and stands their ground without being s**age about it. I am so proud of you.
I am so happy for you, I am feeling a little better as I start my day knowing you have figured out your needs and are enforcing clear boundaries with your presumptuous sister, and your enabling parents who apparently found the need to run to her and tell on you, instead of shut her unreasonable demands down.
They’re her kids, not yours. You work hard, you earned this vacation. Enjoy your freedom.. NTA, NTA, NTA
BeeYehWoo − Not only is she furious with me. But she’s also upset no one in the comments is siding with her. Hey sis you’re the a**hole. You chose to get pregnant with 3 boys. Its not your brother’s job to babysit. Be a proper mother and do whats required to take care of your own children.
Your brother chose to not have children and doesnt need to be burdened with your 3 unruly children but on top of that your guilt tripping him into watching your kids and lastly, ruining his vacation by being yoru free childcare.
Your brother is getting the short end of the stick here while you walk with your chin higher than your nose and expect him to bow to you. Grow up and take responsibility for the mess you created. If you need childcare, pay for it. And dont be entitled to anyone else’s time.
Your parents are also assholes for catering and fostering this arrangement. They treat your sister with such deference at your expense. OP when your parents call, ask them why they do this? OP, you are NTA but your sister & parents are absolutely the assholes.
Why are you even going on this vacation with these people will be miserable towards you and angry that you stood up for yourself? You have the money, the means to take your own vacation and the balls to stand up for yourself. Leave this raggedy group behind and enjoy your deserved relaxation time.
Is he right for prioritizing his own independence and relaxation on this trip?
