UPDATE AITAH If we don’t include my MIL in the traditional wedding roles?
A Redditor previously shared their dilemma about not including their mother-in-law (MIL) in traditional wedding roles due to ongoing tension with her. After a difficult dinner conversation, where the fiancé confronted his mother about her toxic behavior and disrespectful comments towards his partner, he decided to cut ties with her and not invite her to the wedding.
Despite her attempts to manipulate him, the fiancé is standing firm on his decision, even considering extra security to prevent any unwanted disruptions at the ceremony. Read the full story below.
‘ UPDATE AITAH If we don’t include my MIL in the traditional wedding roles?’
I wrote in about my MIL drama after renting from her, and how my fiance was considering not involving her in traditional mother-of-the-groom roles in our upcoming wedding. Well, things escalated quickly.
My fiance decided to invite his mother over for dinner at our new place and be honest with her about his reservations and set clear ground rules on what their relationship would look like if she wanted to be involved in the wedding and our future.
He and I prepped dinner together and when she got there, we chatted briefly but we had agreed that I would let them start the conversation alone. So while the dish was finishing in the oven, I left them alone and went into my office.
It only took a few minutes before I heard voices getting raised, but I kept myself out of it until it all went quiet about 5 minutes later and my fiance very calmly came up to my door. I could tell he was fuming on the inside, but he just said ‘she’s not coming, and I’m not changing my mind’.
She was gone, and he and I ate dinner while watching our comfort show. Not much was said about it until we were getting ready for bed. He told me ‘I wasn’t sure I wanted to tell you how everything went down but I think I want you to know if you’re okay with hearing it, because it’s not very nice’.
I didn’t want him to bottle it up, and I have pretty thick skin, so I agreed and as we got into bed he gave me a recap of the conversation. To sum it up here and save a blow-by-blow, she has always hoped that he would end things with me before we got engaged and then she was holding out hope that he would leave me at the altar.
She thinks I’m a skank and a deadbeat (we’re high school sweethearts and I make more than him), and he should be with someone more like her. When he told her that she couldn’t speak about me that way and that he didn’t want her in the wedding or now even at the wedding, she went on to say that he would regret the marriage a little less if she was there but it will still be the biggest regret of his life.
He responded that his biggest regret was sacrificing so much of his own life to support his grown-ass mother, which she claims is his responsibility because she could have aborted him. She headed towards my office and claimed she would ‘beat some sense into my ass if he wouldn’t’. That was his final straw and he told her to leave and not contact either of us.
So, we will be having a very non-traditional ceremony and he’s even considering some incognito security to make sure she doesn’t try to show up. He’s content with his decision and seeing a therapist to help with some of these complex feelings.
Here’s what Redditors had to say:
upset_pachyderm − Wow. That woman is unhinged, and you’re well shut of her. Hoping you both enjoy your wedding in the best of health and happiness!. 🎂🎂🎂
pekphx − Despite how unfortunate the situation is, you are very fortunate to be marrying someone who is making YOU the priority, adult enough to manage his own family issues, assertive enough to advocate for himself/you as a couple; and to draw boundaries and stick to them. NTA
BuckyKatt206 − NTA, ya’ll need security. Not incognito either, make it very plain to any uninvited guests that they’re why security is there.
SnooWords4839 − Wow, extra security!. Get cameras for your home!. Glad he kicked her out.
NagaApi8888 − Wishing you both every happiness together! I’m glad he’s got your back! And a shiny spine of steel!
AliceBRabbit714 − Happy for you having a fiance with a shiny spine! Tho I think you could’ve taken her down if she tried to follow through with her threat before your fiance stopped her🤣
Equal_Factor_6449 − I’ve read your previous post and this update just confirmed that your MIL is as toxic as can be. . Thanks for the update. . Congratulations.
emr830 − “he should be with someone more like her” umm…barf. Definitely hire security for the wedding. Contact your vendors and set up a password, so she can’t call and change/cancel things. Have security at the wedding. Make sure you also have trusted individuals keep their eyes peeled for if/when she tries to show up and ruin the day.
justmeandmycoop − So she wants your bf to be her husband…ewwww
DisneyBuckeye − I feel sad for your BF that it’s come to this, because we all always secretly want to believe the best about our parents. But I’m glad that it’s all out on the table and that he’s made this decision with no regrets. You two sound like you’re rock solid together. Best wishes for a long and happy marriage. 💗🥂
Do you think the fiancé made the right choice by cutting his mother out of the wedding, or should he have made more of an effort to resolve the family tensions before making such a drastic decision? Share your thoughts below!
