Update 2 to AITAH for refusing to go to confession so I can take communion in my Brother’s wedding?
A Reddit user shared an emotional update about their strained relationship with their brother, Luke, and the deep rift his actions have caused within the family.
Tensions came to a head after Luke’s insensitive comments to their grandmother left her heartbroken, with multiple family members, including their LGBTQ+ cousin Robert, feeling hurt and betrayed.
As Luke’s behavior continues to alienate him, the original poster is focusing on supporting their grandmother and coming to terms with the family fallout. Read the full story below to see the complex family dynamics at play.
‘ Update 2 to AITAH for refusing to go to confession so I can take communion in my Brother’s wedding?’
My brother has gone too far and I decided to be done with him. He made our Grandma cry and I think permanently damaged a lot of his relationships. I want to mention some of my cousins and other family members thought I was just stubborn and creating drama but now there is no longer my side or Emma’s side.
Maybe he always felt this way but the issue he has with Robert is absolutely ridiculous. He was so upset with what Grandma said about him being Emma’s lap dog that he called her to speak about it.
I was obviously not present for the conversation but Grandma told me what happened and Luke confirmed it. He told her that it was unfair of me to ask Robert for help since he was her favorite grandchild and would get her to side with me no matter how wrong I was.
He also told her that many of the cousins believe this and that it was so obvious since she even left her religion for him, he claimed the other LGBTQ+ members of the family (most were not even born when Robert came out by the way) doubted if she would do it for them.
So Grandma explained to Luke and then call every single one of her grandchildren to ask them how they felt and explain to each a part we didn’t know. She said that when Robert came out and she spoke with the old Priest he hinted about knowing of places to set Robert ‘straight’.
Grandma had heard horror stories from this places and so had Robert and they both spoke with my parents together about that not being an option at all. My parents never intended to send Robert there and are very casual Catholics, but Grandma wanted to cover the basis just in case.
I was told Grandma sounded like she had being crying on the phone and after the first couple of calls, which went from oldest to youngest the group chat started to blow. Robert is livid, our LGBTQ+ cousins are livid and say Luke lied, even the cousins that were telling me to stop being a stubborn head are livid.
By the time I was up for my call I was already on the way to Grandma’s. Two of my cousins were already there and the youngest one, Sara (16F), was ready to literally fight Luke.
For a bit of levity Sara is about 35 cm smaller than Luke and the image of her swinging at him made me laugh a bit, she asked if I was making fun of her and I just explained the whole mental image of her trying to hit him and she admitted it was kind of funny.
What I didn’t tell her is I would love to slap some sense into Luke. My Grandma has been through so much in her life and this is not what we want for her. She looks puffy faced and kept asking everybody if they truly felt unloved by her, saying she would do everything for any of us.
Explaining how Robert was the oldest grandchild but that didn’t mean she loved the rest any less. She is a strong woman, but I think something inside her broke a little with the thought she hurt her grandchildren.
It was a shitshow, a big one and I was just so done with Luke. My parents have been passive towards the situation so far because I asked them to, but after they heard what happened they told him they need time away from him.
Robert is simply disgusted and decided to not speak with him anymore, which he communicated through the cousin group chat with Luke’s response being that this is why Emma’s help on reining all us would be so beneficial if we just let her.
He also added how Robert never cared for him or anybody really and he just tried to be the center of attention all the time. He cited his coming out, his announcement he was gonna marry a woman, the birth of his child, it was ridiculous.
He came out when Luke was a toddler and for many years only our parents and grandparents knew. He announced he was gonna marry his now wife through a text but didn’t interfere or took from anybody.
His child was born 4 months before Luke’s graduation and apparently that was a big issue for Luke that he never commented. Maybe I am biased, maybe I am s**fish like Emma claims, but I call b**lshit on his tantrum. Every single one of the cousins has been helped, babysat, tutored, gotten out of trouble, you name it by Robert.
He isn’t perfect but he isn’t the conniving ass Luke is claiming. Maybe Luke has always felt inadequate and we didn’t notice, maybe it was his last ditch effort, maybe Emma has manipulated him so far that he can’t come back. It doesn’t matter anymore. If he does marry Emma I wish him the best, if he doesn’t I hope he goes to therapy.
Regardless of what he decides he burned so many bridges and hurt so many people, I don’t see this resolving any time soon. For now I will focus on my Grandma and making her feel better. I feel extremely guilty because it was Emma’s situation with me that opened this can of worms, I know I shouldn’t but it’s hard not to.
Check out how the community responded:
Lizardgirl25 − Wow it sounds like it is self projection from Luke he is the conniving a**hole he is saying Robert is. Edit: Internet Stranger here also sends hugs to your grandma and your family in general.
Bonnm42 − This is not your doing. Understand this is all Emma’s fault. She knows it too. I’d bet money she is realizing how much her need to feel superior to you is costing. Emma sounds like she cares very deeply about what people think of her. Hence the need to get her “elders” approval.
Also explains her desire to not want to group you into the elders she needs approval from, especially since you look younger, and she’s vain. Just be prepared, this is not over. Someone like Emma is not going to take this well.. #Updateme!
meatballsub33 − I posted this on the other post, but if she is such a good Catholic she should know you can’t take communion anyway, since you weren’t married in the church. I wouldn’t break the rules for this p**cho. Hope your brother gets away from her before she hurts anymore people.
K_A_irony − You are still NTA. Weddings and funerals… They seem to bring out the best or worst in people. Your grandma CLEARLY is the best.. and well Luke… sigh… I hope he grows up.
Ikfactor − NTA – Your little brother and his fiancée sound insane, as he thinks y’all are obligated to let some unhinged random woman to “rein” you all in because he likes f**king her? With his tactics with your grandma, I think you need to stop saying this is all on Emma.
Look back at her having an issue with you because of how you mistreat Luke. Which from your account doesn’t seem happens. It sounds like your brother has created a narrative of the situation that is likely not recognizable as truth by anyone else.
Maybe he resents being the kid and no one listening to him and figures he can get his way by acting victim. Who knows? In any case, being related doesn’t necessarily mean people have to be part of your life. To me this would open a window in for brother being a problematic af person.
writingmmromance2 − Ummm…I’m not going to lie, his hyper focus on her support of Robert coming out makes me question whether Luke is struggling with his own sexuality and is terrified that it might be uncovered.
That kind of deflection is a pretty common tactic by folks who are desperate for their sexuality to remain hidden. Now, I’m not saying he’s gay, he may even just be curious but it’s interesting how that’s what he’s attaching to.
Honestly, if you’re parents are in any way helping fund this wedding, if I were them I’d pull that financial support. Clearly, the relationship is unhealthy.
mocha_lattes_ − Get all the grandkids (minus Luke) together and throw a celebration party for grandma. Show her that you all love and cherish her. I’m sure that would heal her heart and make it so she didn’t feel the need to question if anyone thinks she doesn’t love them as much as another grandkid.
Swiss_Miss_77 − I still want Grandma to adopt me! I don’t have any grandparents left, and some of the ones I had were pretty craptastic. I would love a good grandma, and she sounds like a good one!
DisneyBuckeye − I’m putting this all on Emma being a domineering b**ch and Luke being a spineless twerp. It started with her wanting to dictate your actions because she assumed she was older than you and would be able to boss you around.
When Robert made his revelation to her, she changed her target to him. She’s dripping her poison words into Luke’s ear and pulling him away from his family. I only hope that he wakes up and realizes what’s going on before too much has happened and you/your family are no longer willing to take him back.
Please give your Grandma a huge hug and kiss for me. She sounds like my Nanny, who I lost back in 1997. I’d give anything to spend more time with her.
Dewlicious_Cloud − I want to fight Luke and Emma now!! Nobody makes grandma cry!! 🤬🤬🤬🤬 Tell Luke that I will shove Emma so far up his ass that he’ll be speaking in her voice!!! Grandma is my inspiration!! I will drop trow and s**t on their wedding cake!! TEAM GRANDMA!!
Do you think Luke’s behavior crossed a line, or is there a way for him to mend these relationships? How would you respond if a family conflict put so much strain on loved ones? Share your thoughts and experiences below!
