AITA for insulting my husband after he asked for a paternity test and suggested I cheated?

A Reddit user shared a story about the tension that erupted with her husband after he suggested she was cheating and demanded a paternity test. The user, who had reconciled with her husband after he previously cheated, now finds herself questioning her marriage after his accusations. Read the full story below to see if her response to his accusations was justified or if it crossed a line.

‘ AITA for insulting my husband after he asked for a paternity test and suggested I cheated?’

I, 25F, just had my first child with my husband, 29M, of four years. He is white and I am mixed race but very white passing. I was raised by my adoptive parents, however, I have reconnected with my biological paternal family. My biological mother was white and I look a lot like her. My biological father, whom I call my ataata, is Inuit, and we look very little alike, but we are getting closer emotionally.

My son looks so much like my ataata and I cried when I saw him for the first time. He has darker skin than my husband and I but he has my husband’s eyes and nose. After he was born, my husband was cold and distant, he wouldn’t hold our son, he wouldn’t show me affection. Even when my ataata came over and I took a bunch of pictures of grandfather and grandson my husband refused to connect with our son.

He demanded a paternity test a few weeks ago. I was upset but complied. He is the father, as I knew he was. I told him that I was a prime example of not looking like my biological father and that I felt he was an i**ot for suggesting I was cheating.

He shot back with: “Well how do I know the man you bring around is actually your dad and not your affair partner?” Yes, he insinuated I lied about my ataata being my dad and that I was sleeping with him.

I regret saying it because I had promised to leave it behind, but I said, “Well then say hello to “Sarah” for me.” Sarah is the woman my husband had an affair with two years ago. He broke it off and we reconciled but I feel like it was rich of him to accuse me of cheating when he was the one who cheated in the first place.

He called me an a**hole for bringing it up and now we’re not speaking and I’ve moved into the nursery. I’m considering divorce but also thinking about my words, which were hurtful and uncalled for. AITA? 

These are the responses from Reddit users:

[Reddit User] −  NTA, how is you bringing up something that actually happened worse than him implying your father was your affair partner and possibly the father of his child? That’s disgusting. I’m not sure I could come back from that

Efficient-Spinach961 −  Sounds like projecting

Cursd818 −  NTA. This monster accused you of having an affair, defrauding him, and then finally, i**est. All while he has previously cheated on you. Why on earth are you even considering speaking to someone so despicable? Get him out of your life at once. He’s vile!

Madrugada2010 −  NTA. He assumes you sleep around because he still does.

IllustratorSlow1614 −  NTA. He is pulling this on you because he’s an unreformed, unrepentant c**ater himself. I would start digging because I doubt his affairs ever truly ended.

Your words were very called for. Your husband is an arsehole who accused you of cheating on him with your own biological father 🤢 All you did was remind him of his very real sins and that you have done nothing wrong.

Devi_Moonbeam −  NTA. How on earth were your words “hurtful and uncalled for?”. He IS an i**ot.. He IS a c**ater. And he’s an a**sive schmuck. D**p him.

ThePrinceVultan −  JFC! Why the f**k are you still with this a**hole? You should’ve had more respect for yourself and left him when he cheated on you. I’m gonna say you’re a bit of the a**hole for staying, and then having a kid, with this d**che nozzle.

On a sidenote, of course he’s going to accuse you of cheating. It’s called projection. Cheaters are notorious for projecting and accusing their partner of doing what they are doing and have done to them.

WhereasMajestic3724 −  NTA. I’d be checking his phone if I were you, he’s probably cheating still.

Top-Bit85 −  Your words were hurtful? How? Because he doesn’t like you reminding him he cheated? While he accuses you of cheating, in a particularly disgusting way.. What a h**ocrite. I’d be out of there. I could never stand to be with him again. I’m sorry OP.

DaniCapsFan −  When a man accuses his wife of cheating, it’s usually because he has cheated first. And whaddya know? Your husband, who cheated two years ago, now accuses you of cheating. Your husband was utterly disgusting to suggest that your biological father is actually your AP. He deserved that shot about his affair partner.. NTA

Do you think the user was justified in reminding her husband about his past infidelity after he questioned her loyalty, or did her response go too far? How would you handle a situation where trust issues resurface in a relationship? Share your perspective below!