AITA for refusing to let my ex-wife take our daughter on a lavish vacation because I think it’s unfair to our son?

A Redditor shares his frustration about his ex-wife’s plan to take their daughter on a lavish trip to Paris, excluding their son. While his ex argues it’s a special bonding experience, the Redditor believes it’s unfair to leave their son out, especially as he’s struggling with the effects of their divorce.

He even threatened to seek full custody to ensure both kids are treated equally. Is he overreacting, or is he right to be concerned about the emotional impact on his son? Read the full story below.

‘ AITA for refusing to let my ex-wife take our daughter on a lavish vacation because I think it’s unfair to our son?’

My (35M) ex-wife (32F) and I divorced two years ago after a rough split. We share two kids, a 12-year-old son and a 9-year-old daughter. My ex has always been the “fun” parent, while I handle the day-to-day stuff.

She recently got engaged to a wealthy guy and has been spending a lot of money on experiences for the kids, which I get, but it’s starting to create issues. Here’s the problem: my ex announced she’s taking our daughter on a trip to Paris. Just her and our daughter, not our son.

When I asked why, she said it was a “bonding experience” because our daughter loves art, and this was her way of making up for time missed when she was young. I get that. But I see how hurt my son is by it. He asked why he isn’t going, and she brushed it off, saying she’d take him somewhere “someday.”

I don’t think that’s fair. I think both kids should have the same experiences, or it’ll cause resentment. I told her it wasn’t okay to just leave him out, especially after he’s already been struggling with the divorce and feeling like he’s “less loved” by her.

I then took it a step further and said if she goes through with this, I’ll file for full custody because she’s emotionally neglecting our son. Now she’s furious, calling me controlling and saying I’m punishing her for moving on and having the means to provide better experiences for the kids.

She accused me of wanting them to be miserable just because I can’t afford the same. That’s not true. I just want both kids to feel equally valued.

She’s still planning on going, and I’m digging my heels in. The kids don’t know about the custody threat, but my family thinks I’m overreacting and should let it go. Am I the a**hole for trying to stop this trip….?

Let’s dive into the reactions from Reddit:

celticmusebooks −  Can she actually take your daughter out of the country without you signing off on it?

Agoraphobe961 −  NTA. There’s nothing wrong with an amazing experience like a Euro-trip as bonding time, but she needs to also be making an effort with your son. If she had planned Paris for baby girl and then a trip to Italy with your son, that would’ve been a comparable trip. Not Paris for one and nothing for the other.

tsscaramel −  NTA. Start saving text messages and get that full custody because your ex’s attitude tells me that she’s already picked a favourite so you’ll need to be the one fighting for your son.

ZippyKoala −  NTA – it would be fine if she said that yes, she’s taking your daughter to Paris and then had a firm plan in the immediate future to take your son somewhere equally foreign and exciting for something he is interested in, but “somewhere, someday” doesn’t cut the mustard.

Emotional_Fan_7011 −  OP, if you are in the US, she will need your permission to take your daughter out of the country. To get a passport, you BOTH have to be at the office. You can even sign up to be alerted if someone applies for a passport for your child.. ETA

Weekly_Cantaloupe175 −  we have done solo trips with mom + 1 kid, it never caused any issues but both kids knew about it way in advance and knew they would get their own trips as well

edit: we let them pick their own destinations (one went California for Disney Land, the other went Florida for Disney World lol I was like they could have taken one trip!)

XplodingFairyDust −  Well she can’t take your daughter out of the country without your permission so there’s that. I would allow it IF she planned an equally meaningful one on one trip with your son within a reasonable amount of time but that can start being planned now so he doesn’t feel left out in the moment.

rememberimapersontoo −  you say she’s lavishing them with many trips and experiences and also say your son gets nothing equivalent. those two statements don’t add up so which is it?

bdub939 −  Im still waiting on the trip to disney from my dads mom and im 31. Told me around 8 when she took my oldest brother. But havent seen her or my dad in 16 years. So i think that was her plan all along

Beowulfsfriend1976 −  I don’t believe both kids need the same experiences, but all kids should feel they are bring treated fairly. If the mom were to plan separate trips for both kids, each trip doing something that particular child enjoys, then fine. But doing a big trip for one and ignoring the other is way wrong.

Do you think the father’s concerns about fairness are valid, or is he being too controlling in trying to keep the kids on equal footing? How would you approach this situation if you were in his shoes? Share your thoughts and opinions below!