AITAH for telling my husband’s affair baby’s family to either come get the kid or I’m calling CPS?

A woman shared her experience of her soon-to-be ex-husband bringing home an unexpected baby from his affair, only to leave her responsible for the child when he suffered a health crisis. While she initially agreed to let him and the child stay in her home without any involvement from her, his heart attack has made caring for the baby impossible for him.

When she reached out to the child’s maternal grandparents, they criticized her for her “cold” reaction toward the baby, despite her feeling no obligation to care for her husband’s affair child. With her own children also weighing in, she’s left wondering if she acted too harshly.

‘ AITAH for telling my husband’s affair baby’s family to either come get the kid or I’m calling CPS. ?’

My (F53) soon to be ex husband Roger (47), whom I forgave for his affair, came home with a baby four months ago. His girlfriend (22) could not handle it anymore and brought the baby to him at work and left. To the best of his knowledge she is in Spain. I allowed him to stay so long as I didn’t have to do anything. Anything.

Well about a month ago Roger had a heart attack. It didn’t kill him, mores the pity, but he is very weak and incapable of doing anything for himself. Since he isn’t up and about he cannot care for his child. He also cannot drop of and pick up his son at daycare.

I have been helping but I’m done. My kids are full grown. I shouldn’t be having grandkids any time soon. I do not have any desire to care for a baby.
I told Roger that I want a divorce, and I contacted the mother’s parents. I know the father through friends. I said they had until Friday to come get their grandchild or I was calling Child Protective Services.

They just left with the baby. But they scolded me for being so cold towards a baby that had done me no harm. I view that child differently. Roger is recovering and I will be moving out. The house is in his name but I have never contributed to it. I have the equivalent of twenty two years of rent and interest put away. And as per our prenup my savings are my own.

I work and I don’t need anything out of this marriage except myself. My kids tried telling me to stay and help their father. I said that they were welcome to come over and help him with cleaning himself and the baby. Both declined what I felt was a fair offer.

I do not feel that I am acting badly however Roger, our children, his child’s family, and a few mutual friends think I am. Perhaps writing this out and seeing the responses will give me clarity.

Here’s how people reacted to the post:

TopAd7154 −  NTA. That child was not your responsibility. Yes, it was innocent but you’re literally not responsible for raising it.
You should have divorced Roger long ago. 

Smooth_Papaya_1839 −  NTA. Basically everybody is trying to dumb their responsibilities on you. The baby should be with family. You’re not cold to not want to care. It’s weird they wouldn’t want to take the kid in anyway. Poor child… your grown kids can take care of their dad. When he cheated, your relationship ended and he’s not your problem anymore.

Global_Walrus1672 −  NTA – let me get this straight though – no one is upset at the real mom who took off for Spain leaving her kid? It seems like all the hostility is being misdirected toward you who got dumped on more than once.

You are doing the right thing. At some point mom is more than likely going to show back up, want the kid and money to support it. Get away from that man as fast as you can.

As far as your kids go, it sounds like they think you have some responsibility to support the guy who cheated on you for life so they can enjoy theirs without that added burden.

Hopefully they will wake up and realize that is placing you in an a**sive situation. Wait until Roger passes, and they all want a part of the house and little miss guess who (if she finds out) wants a piece for her kid too. I bet their opinions change real fast.

Animeslut69 −  NTA. They should be THANKING you for not calling CPS the second your ex fell ill. You have done much more than expected for a baby that is not yours, let alone a child from your husband’s affair?

soxfan10 −  NTA. Yes the child is innocent, but that’s not on you. Also, AFFAIR BABY. Anyone that gives you s**t about that doesn’t know what they’re talking about. The other parents can be cold all they want; should aim that feeling at their daughter for giving the kid up.

Biscuit-Brown −  NTA…. Not your monkey, not your circus.

neelvk −  I see 4 assholes in the story:
1. Roger – for having an affair and getting someone not his wife pregnant.

2. The affair girl – for having an affair, getting pregnant and then dumping her baby with the duplicitous person.
3. The affair girl’s parents – for being so rude to the OP.

4. OP’s kids – for expecting their mother to continue to help their dad even after such duplicitous behavior.
The only two non-assholes are the OP and the baby – neither of which asked to be put in this mess.

smalltown68 −  NTA your kids should be pissed at their father for having an affair and having unprotected s** resulting in a baby with a 22 year old! Why would anyone and I mean anyone think you should care for your husband or his affair baby? This is his mess not yours.

JustNKayce −  LOL at your kids telling you to stay and take care of him and the baby but when you offered them the same deal, they declined. Because of course they did. I’m sorry you are dealing with all this and wish you The best in your new life. hugs.. NTA.

Foolish5678 −  NTA what exactly were they expecting you to do here?
If they all feel so strongly about the child, they can come take care of it. I don’t think that was a fair expectation on you.