Aita for telling my sister’s fiance that my sister hid my mother’s cheating which resulted in him calling the engagement off?

One Redditor shares the difficult family dynamics and resentment they’ve held since discovering their mother’s infidelity. The situation takes a tense turn when the user’s sister, who kept the affair a secret, announces her engagement.

Upset after a tense conversation with her, the user decides to tell the fiancé about her actions, leading to a broken engagement and a family fallout. Read on to see if you think the Redditor’s choice was justified or if they went too far.

‘ Aita for telling my sister’s fiance that my sister hid my mother’s cheating which resulted in him calling the engagement off?’

I am 22m and my only sister is 25f, my parents got two divorced 3 years ago, my mom had an affair with one of her coworker for a year, I don’t know all the details and they both asked me to keep the secret in the family and nobody else needs to know for ‘my and my sisters sake’.

They decided to have a clean divorce and both kept what they owned, I was angry at my mom for what she did, I felt ashamed that my mom did something like this but she didn’t feel shame for doing something like this, I stopped talking to her no matter how much she tried to talk to me.

My father told me I must not say anything and it stays between us four, my sister knew about it but covered up for her mom, we back then had a huge fight and we stopped talking to each other.

But my father was in touch with her, he would visit her and she would visit us, I started living with my father after they separated, whenever she would visit us we would both would ignore each other and she would only spend time with my father.

My mom tried to contact me and tried to visit me she still does, back then she visited my father’s place and barged in and hugged me and said I am cruel for cutting her off no matter what I am her son and she’s my mom.

But I still ignored her and even now she sends me text apologizing and asking me to talk to her and asking me how I am doing and we should meet etc but I ignore her even when we meet.

But 5 days ago my sister came and asked me and my father to visit her place and we shouldn’t miss a little family get together, we went and my sister and her boyfriend (I didn’t know she had one) infront of his family and ours announced they are getting engaged, everything went smoothly.

Later my sister pulled me aside and said I am only invited for sake of her marriage and apperance and I must visit her, her fiance always asked her alot why we both don’t talk to each other but she covered it up and I should put our emotions aside for a day and visit her wedding and act ‘normal’.

I was so angry at her for saying this all but to not cause a scene I ignored her and went back inside. I was so furious at what she said and I decided to search him up on Instagram and told him the truth explaining everything and asked him it would be a huge favour for me if he didn’t tell anyone else.

He replied me and said he won’t and he appreciates what I told him. Now my sister called me and said I ruined her life, her fiance called off the Engagement and said he doesn’t want to marry someone who covers up for a c**ater, she said I shouldn’t have told him when we all 4 decided to keep it a secret.

She called me names they were vile and she hung up, my mom sent me a message saying I shouldn’t have ruined my sister’s life and I am being cruel to my sister and my mom but I ignored that one as well

I asked my father if he is angry at me, my father said he is not, he personally wouldn’t have done what I did and still doing to my mom and sister but I am an adult and I should decide what I should do for me and my family

So aita for exposing my sister to her fiance and also ignoring my mom? I personally am so angry at them both even after all these years maybe I was petty but I think the dude deserved to know so aita?

Let’s dive into the reactions from Reddit:

These-Squash8193 −  NTA She pulled you into it. Honestly pretty dumb of her to try to rope you in a lie considering how you reacted to the original lie. Tell these people to pound sand. Your sister and her mother are both two peas in a pot and they only way they will be happy is if you stoop to their level.

t4skmaster −  Sorry man, convincing your kids to keep secrets to help them avoid shame for their mistakes is fucked up. Something like cheating which blows your family apart is no longer “your” secret to keep, because it’s affected everyone.

It’s like if someone gave you an STI and then asked you to keep it from their new partner. It’s just fucked up and they aren’t owed cover for their s**t. Especially your kids. Your kids don’t cover for you. Don’t rope them in.

Mother_Search3350 −  She covered up your mom’s affair, demands that you lie to her Fiance and cover up for her. And she thinks you are the AH? Because you don’t want to be part of her continuous lies? 

SarahIsJustHere −  I mean, her ex-fiance says he doesn’t want to be with someone who covers up cheating. I can respect that, but in the grand scheme of things, I can see that it was *maybe* something he could have gotten over…. …BUTTTTTT….. …when you add the fact that:

a) he had to learn this from someone who wasn’t his fiancé; b) discover that his fiancé had not just been avoiding the subject, but point blank lying to him; and, c) learn that she was asking even more people to lie to him for the rest of his life… like… no wonder why he left her. She’s given him zero reason to trust her.

Tfuentexxx −  This will be inaccurately called fake, because well you made them pay. But for me it was something that made my day… Thanks and well done. Cheaters and cheaters supporters don’t deserve anything better. The ex fiance did deserve better and you allowed him to get it.

duckat −  NTA. Your mom is the c**ater. Not you. Why should you or anybody else enable her? She is the one that put your father and your family to shame. You told the truth and that’s was not a bad thing.

SmotherOfGod −  NTA. Imagine if they got married, had kids and then he found out. It would have blown up a whole family. She can chose to lie to him but that doesn’t mean you have to. 

AussiInNZ −  NTA
THEY agreed to make this a secret …. in other words they told you to keep it a secret, it was not your choice. They had apparently agreed to lie to the Fiance forever too …. And have you join in on the lie, WOW. Your cutting them off should have been a clue to them

MattDaveys −  I asked my father if he is angry at me, my father said he is not, he personally wouldn’t have done what I did and still doing to my mom and sister but I am an adult and I should decide what I should do for me and my family.

The fact he’s so indifferent makes me think he’s wanted to say the truth but didn’t want to face all of the social backlash.. NTA

cutgiveanna −  I was about to say you were TAH, but nevermind. She decided to build a house with bad foundations, then she’s raging over it crumbling? Stupid.

Do you think the Redditor was justified in telling the fiancé, given the long-standing secrecy and his feelings of betrayal? Or was it an overstep that needlessly disrupted his sister’s life? Share your thoughts in the comments!