AITAH For telling my husband that his affair child is not welcome in our home and if he wants custody he will have to move out?

This person faced a difficult situation when they learned that her husband had an affair, resulting in a child. Despite working through it and staying together under strict conditions, her husband now wants temporary custody of his child due to the mother’s situation.

However, she stands firm on her boundaries and is considering separation if he moves forward with custody. Here’s her side of the story.

‘ AITAH For telling my husband that his affair child is not welcome in our home and if he wants custody he will have to move out?’

My husband and I have been married for 9 years. In 2021, we found out my husband was being sued for child support. Turns out my husband had an affair shortly after we were married. It nearly ended our marriage, but we went to counseling together and I agreed to stay in the marriage with the following provisions:

My husband was to get a second job so that his child support payments did not affect our household budget and that at no point in time would I ever consider having a relationship with this child. If he wanted to pursue one with them, fine. But I have absolutely zero interest in this kid.

So my husband has been getting to know his kid over the past couple years and recently my husband came to me and informed me that there was some sort of baby mamma drama. Apparently, she has to self-surrender in May and is going to be incarcerated for 8 months.

My husband told me that he needed to take custody while his affair partner is locked up, otherwise the kid would have to go to their grandparents who basically live on the opposite coast from us. Their kid doesn’t want to have to change schools or be so far away from their friends, dad and mom (she will be doing her time fairly local to us).

So, after my husband told me that, I got up and left the house. I went to the grocery store on the corner and grabbed a copy of our area’s apartment guide went back home and handed it to him.

He asked if I were serious. I told him I still felt the same way as I did 3 years ago. He said he didn’t think that was fair considering the extenuating circumstances.

I told him I don’t care about the circumstances. His kid is not welcome in my home, if he wanted to take custody I will grant him an amicable divorce, but I am not changing my mind. I am not taking care of some other chick’s kid.’

Here’s the feedback from the Reddit community:

Major-Distance4270 −  This marriage should have ended years ago.

[Reddit User] −  Why are you still with him? In no way do I think it’s your responsibility to raise this child. But it *is* his responsibility. And this poor kid didn’t ask for any of it. The whole situation would be happier and healthier if y’all just split up.

BRRose209 −  I think you should divorce him and move on with your life. Not your job to take care of the kid.

ms_eleventy −  The child will always be there. Seems like you should cut your losses and move on from this relationship. Sad but you will probably but happier in the long-run.

purple_proze −  She’s handling this the same way a man would. “Not raising a kid that isn’t mine.” Y’all cheer on men who want paternity tests for no reason too.

Newdaytoday1215 −  No judgement but this is the result of you staying with him after the affair. There’s no way a child existing can’t complicate your life. Kids aren’t a side hobby. Period. The fact that the therapist allowed the fairy tale notion to exist is wild.

Divorce is the best option for everyone including your husband but especially you. But the child’s best interest needs to be prioritized also. People complain that ppl say break up to everything but they fail to realize that this kind of stuff is toxic.

shammy_dammy −  NTA. You were clear. Now he’s trying to convince you to change your mind. If he wants custody during this, he can do it alone. What is the legal status on the house?

MarsupialExtreme6321 −  I’m not going to call you an a**hole, as someone who’s been in a similar-ish situation (though with considerably more ambiguity and a very different outcome), but I do think that if you want nothing to do with this child, then you really should consider divorce.

A child is permanent, and if their existence and interaction with your husband makes you uncomfortable, it would be best for you and for the child to leave. You can find a man who won’t cheat on you, too. We exist.

Kazbaha −  This poor kid 🙁 I hope Dad steps up and is there for them. OP, this isn’t what you wanted for your life and relationship and that’s 💯 fair. You and your husband are on different paths. This is his responsibility and I think it’s reasonable you asked him to move out and take care of his responsibilities alone. I don’t think your marriage is going to work out.

[Reddit User] −  NTA I LOVE this for you! You made your boundaries clear and now he cant keep his side of the bargain. You arent telling him not to be a father, but if his AFFAIR child has to live with HIM, then he cant live with YOU.