Would I be the ah if I texted my husband’s best friend (female) to see her reaction?

A newlywed is questioning whether she’d be in the wrong for testing her husband’s best friend (a female friend from college) by texting her to see if there’s more to their relationship. After some suspicious behavior from her husband regarding text deletions, she’s looking for clarity and wondering if this approach would be justified. Here’s her story.

‘ Would I be the ah if I texted my husband’s best friend (female) to see her reaction?’

My husband has this best friend from college time. I never had issues with her until my wedding a month ago when my maid of honor overheard her snapping at another friend of theirs that “She has him when she wants him” when the friend teased her that she lost him and he was the one who got away.

I told my husband about it a dew days ago (didn’t want to ruin our honeymoon but it was still in my head) but he denied anything happened between them. He was very calm when he said it. Almost too calm? Anyway I have no proof and I trust him. Until I used his phone when mine died.

He was driving and I was making a playlist on his phone. Then I looked through his iMessages and he had NO thread with her. I mean I know for a fact that they text. Nothing. I didn’t say anything but last night I literally saw her name pop up amongst the texts.

When he went to bed I looked and there were no texts. He is deleting them! Now my question is: if I ask he will deny it. I need to know and I need proof. Would I be the AH if I initiated a conversation with her acting like I’m my husband and see what’s up?. I need proof and peace of mind

Check out how the community responded:

Hyche862 −  I’m here for the updates.

-Calm-Palpitation- −  Hi!. This is my update: he is cheating. I went through his deleted messages but it was empty so he has been deleting the deleted messages as well. I don’t know if there’s further steps to find them? I don’t know.

I sent her “wyd” because this is how he texts when he is bored. She said she was in bed I said I (he) was in bed too watching succession. She asked if I was sleeping. Then it didn’t take long before she started sexting. In a way that made it obvious that they’ve done it multiple times.

I ended it quickly because honestly I felt nauseous. I didn’t want to sext her. I sent myself all the evidence. Tomorrow I will be moving back to my parents place and start the divorce. I will not tell him why

[Reddit User] −  That is sus! Check the deleted text folder. Some people forget to clear those out.

Character_Eye_8185 −  Make sure they aren’t using a messaging app like Whatsapp to communicate.

lladydisturbed −  Check his recent emojis lol.

graveytrane −  Ask him if you can see his phone to purposefully look at his texts, be blatant about wanting to see the texts from his friend. He should be ok with letting you go through it in front of him since he is confident about having deleted them. Then go through his deleted texts in front of him, you have his permission, and see what he does.

[Reddit User] −  Do you actually want to be married to someone you can’t trust?

Character-Ride8315 −  Thank you so much for your post. I’ve been married since 2017 started dating my husband in 2011. While reading your post and the responses I saw someone say go with your gut. I went and checked my husbands deleted text messages.

Found about 2000+ messages from a girl he works with. Telling each other they love each other etc. really bad. It’s 3:00AM my world is shattered. Never in a million years would I have ever thought he would cheat and neither would any of his friends or family. Thank you for starting this thread. I never would have found out.

FahQPutin −  My wife would M**DER me for this.. NTA. Good luck, but it doesn’t look good 😳

[Reddit User] −  You should look at his recently deleted texts if he has an iphone first. I usually don’t condone looking through phones but he is obviously hiding something and deleting texts is never okay in my opinion. He is deleting them to hide something and that is so wrong.

Try looking at the recently deleted first and if deleted the recently deleted then if he has a macbook look to see if there are messages on there because sometimes they don’t delete on your macbook if you only delete them on your phone.

Try sleuthing a little more first because I can promise you she will figure out if its him or not because I am sure he only texts her at certain times and if you text her at a time he never does then she will be suspicious.