AITAH for being unhappy about my daughter being punished for not “standing up” for her teacher?

A Reddit user shared her frustration over her daughter’s punishment after she remained quiet while another student ranted offensively about their teacher.

Although her daughter didn’t join in or agree with the remarks, the teacher and principal believe she should have spoken up to “stand up” for her teacher. Now, the mother wonders if she’s wrong for feeling her daughter shouldn’t be punished for not intervening. Read the full story below.

‘ AITAH for being unhappy about my daughter being punished for not “standing up” for her teacher?’

Yesterday my 8th grade daughter’s English class was doing a group activity, and my daughter was placed in a group with 3 other people (two guys and another girl). They were working at a table outside of the classroom.

Her teacher suddenly called one of the boys (who my daughter barely knows) who was in her group into her office to meet privately, and when he came back he was really angry.

The class just handed in a major essay the other day, and the teacher believes that he plagiarized it and told him she’d be giving him a zero and having a conference with his parents.

To my knowledge she didn’t have any super specific proof (like it setting off an AI detector), her reasoning was that his writing on this essay seemed dramatically different from that of his previous essays. The boy insisted that this was not the case and that he wrote it all by himself.

He was really angry and went on a big rant about the teacher and the situation when he returned to the group. He said some pretty n**ty stuff about her, calling her a “fat ass b*tch”, “douchebag”, “r*tard”, and “f***ing l**r”. Unbeknownst to him, the teacher was watching and listening in on this conversation the whole time.

The other girl in the group expressed some agreement with the boy as he ranted, while my daughter and the other boy remained quiet and just sat and listened (this was confirmed by the teacher herself).

After a few minutes of listening to him rant and complain the teacher came out and told him he had to go to the principal’s office. Near the end of class, the teacher gave the other three people in the group (including my daughter) forms for after school Friday detention.

Even though my daughter said absolutely nothing agreeing with the boy, her teacher says she should have “said something” instead of just sitting and listening to him call her names. When I spoke to her principal about it, he also sided with the teacher.

He said that he thinks it’s unacceptable for a student to just sit idly by if they hear their classmates using offensive language about a teacher or peer, and that my daughter had a responsibility to “stand up” for her teacher or report it.

It seems really unfair and ridiculous to me that my daughter can be punished for something someone else said and did, and I don’t think I’m done fighting this detention. AITAH?

Here’s what the community had to contribute:

penguinswithfedoras −  NTA.. Hit ‘em with. “I think it’s unacceptable for a teacher to stand idly by allowing my daughter to be exposed to such language. My daughter would never speak that way, as her teacher confirmed, and she was made incredibly uncomfortable by the situation.

While her peer’s language was innapropriate, it is not her responsibility as a student to correct that behavior. As an educator, her teacher absolutely does have that responsibility, and she chose to shirk that responsibility out of spite; forcing my daughter to listen to this for an entire class period, only to punish her at the end.”

ExtentEmpty1004 −  NTA. It feels pretty harsh to expect a middle schooler to stand up in a situation like that, especially when the teacher was watching the whole thing unfold.

Your daughter didn’t join in on the comments she just stayed quiet, which is pretty common when kids don’t want to get involved in drama. It’s tough to expect someone, especially a kid, to know the “right” move in that situation

Aggrophysicist −  NTA The principal is trying to railroad you. Stick to your guns. In NO way shape or form is it another students responsibility to address behavior of another student in class.

Would the principal find it more appropriate to engage with a student that is already cursing and causing issues in class? Your daughter remained quiet until the teacher addressed the situation. That is all they are expected to do not insert themselves into situations.

Angelina_2001 −  NTA why is your young child responsible for anything that kid said. She’s not responsible for defending grown people.

I_wanna_be_anemone −  NTA Tell the principal that in no way should your daughter have to endanger herself by drawing the attention of boy who thinks it’s acceptable to use that kind of language *in context*.

Aka he’s learned it from somewhere, and likely seen violence to go along with said words. You’re not going to let your daughter be made a target by a spineless adult incapable of acting like an appropriate authority figure.

Rip him a new one and demand a review into teachers capabilities. If she’s that sensitive or incapable of handling a situation with young children then she shouldn’t be in a position of responsibility over them. 

BeachinLife1 −  This is total BS, and I would tell the teacher and the principal that I WOULD be picking my daughter up at the closing bell on Friday. It is NOT your daughter’s job to ‘defend’ her teacher to anyone.

The teacher is a grown ass adult who does not need a middle schooler to defend her and she did absolutely nothing to warrant a punishment. The teacher is NOT the student’s “responsibility.” If they think it is, both the teacher and the principal need to find another line of work.

This is a hill I would die on, and I’d go to the school superintendent with it. Edit: And I hope the boy’s parents force the teacher to prove that their son plagarized as well. That’s a serious accusation, especially with evidence like “this is not like your usual work.” If he didn’t, I would make all kinds of trouble for her as well.

Dry-Fortune-6724 −  NTA. Your daughter is NOT a “mandated reporter” and has no duty to “say something”. In particular, your daughter likely stayed quiet because she feared for her safety.

The angry boy obviously has a temper and isn’t shy about name calling. Your daughter didn’t want to become the target of his b**lying/name calling/physical violence.

Turn the tables on the Principal and Teacher and make them the bad guys for putting your daughter in such a dangerous situation for an extended period of time. The Teacher was standing there listening to the boy rant for how long, before she stepped in?

goosepills −  I’d absolutely make a huge stink about this. It’s not her job to defend her teacher. Nobody likes a narc.

SockMaster9273 −  NTA – I would have called her some fun names after the detention slip if I was your daughter. She did nothing wrong.

Alarming_Tie_9873 −  I would go scorched earth here. This same teacher would probably say that of another student has a problem, to stay out of it and don’t make it worse. I would be contacting the school board.

Do you think the punishment was fair, or should the school reconsider its stance on “standing up” in this situation? How would you handle this as a parent? Share your thoughts below!