AITA for choosing my “cleaning lady” as my guest of honor at my medical school graduation instead of my stepmom?

A Redditor recently faced backlash from her family for choosing her former “cleaning lady,” Maria, as her guest of honor at her medical school graduation instead of her stepmom. Although Maria was initially hired as a cleaning lady, she became a key support system, helping the OP with her schoolwork and even contributing financially to her college fund in secret.

When OP found out, she decided to honor Maria with a VIP seat, causing tension with her stepmom, who demanded the spot for herself. The extended family is now divided, calling OP disrespectful, but she feels Maria deserves to be there. Is OP being ungrateful to her stepmom, or is she right in honoring Maria’s role in her life?

‘ AITA for choosing my “cleaning lady” as my guest of honor at my medical school graduation instead of my stepmom?’

Some background: Maria was our cleaning lady from when I was 8 until I was 16. But she was so much more than that. When I was struggling with math, she’d stay late to help me (turns out she was a math teacher in her home country but couldn’t get her credentials transferred). When I was lonely because my dad worked late and stepmom was busy with her own kids, Maria would teach me to cook and tell me stories.

The big secret? Every month for the past 8 years, Maria’s been using half her paycheck from her OTHER cleaning jobs to anonymously donate to my college fund. I only found out because I’m now doing my residency at the hospital where her son works as a nurse, and he accidentally mentioned it.

When I confronted Maria about it, she broke down and showed me how she’d been keeping a scrapbook of all my achievements since I was 8. Report cards, newspaper clippings from when I won science fair, even the thank you note I wrote her when I was 10. She said seeing my potential helped her put her own son through nursing school, and she wanted to make sure I had the same chance.

My medical school graduation is coming up and we get 2 VIP tickets for front row seats. I gave one to my dad and one to Maria. My stepmom is furious, saying she “raised” me (she didn’t – she was barely around) and that I’m humiliating her by choosing “the help” over her. She’s demanding I give Maria a regular seat in the back.

I refused. Maria literally cleaned other people’s houses at night to help put me through school. She’s wearing that VIP corsage and sitting front row at my graduation.

My dad supports my decision but the extended family is blowing up my phone saying I’m an AH for “disrespecting my stepmom” and “making a scene.” Maria’s even offering to sit in the back to keep the peace but I won’t hear of it.

Here’s the feedback from the Reddit community:

miyuki_m −  NTA. Maria’s earned this honor. Your father’s wife has not. She’s humiliated that you’re honoring Maria. What she should be humiliated about is that she didn’t give you as much support as Maria did. The fact that she can’t see that just proves she is not worthy of the honor.

Worth-Bed-8289 −  NTA: she’s basically a parent. Anywho, if your family was well off enough to have “the help” why did she need to pay for your schooling.

13surgeries −  There’s a lot that I don’t understand here. Why would your extended family think you’re making a scene? Who’s in this extended family? Since your father supports your decision to honor Maria, it surely can’t be grandparents or aunts and uncles on his side.

That would leave your stepmother’s family, but since she was barely around, you must hardly know them, so their moral judgment wouldn’t make you wonder if you were the AH, right? As for making a scene, how would you be doing that? You quietly gave your ticket to someone who was extremely generous to you. That’s not making a scene.

There’s another thing that puzzles me. Maria helped pay for your college and med school by putting money in an account. You’d have had to know how much tuition, fees, and board were, even in your undergrad years, and you’d have known how much scholarships and financial aid covered.

How did Maria know how much to send and where to send it? Why didn’t you notice that money was magically appearing against your expenses? If the money went through your dad, it wouldn’t have been a big secret, at least to him. So how exactly how was that money put toward your education?

Token_or_TolkienuPOS −  I was giving this feel good story some credibility UNTIL you went off the deep end and boldly claimed that a cleaner contributed money to your college fund whilst working tirelessly. You do realise that is literal tripe, right? An employee in a minimal job/s using her cash to fund the child of her employer?. Right…YTA.

Mother_Search3350 −  NTAH Step mom needs to wind her neck in and continue to live her life like you don’t exist. She is nobody to you, has no relationship with you, has done absolutely NOTHING good for you. In fact, I would uninvite her completely and tell her to go spend time with her own kids like she has always done.

You are an amazing person for giving Maria the recognition she so rightfully deserves. She has been a mother to you and not your father’s wife. Tell extended family to mind the business that pays them and STFU. They had no issues with your step mom treating you like crap all this time. NTAH.

Potential_Network421 −  Fake AF YTA. I can’t believe so many people are responding to this bad and stupid story.

Rare_Development5149 −  Atleast try to make it realistic.

kigurumibiblestudies −  “The help” helped far more than her. You were disrespected by your stepmom first. NTA.

noonecaresat805 −  Nta. Sounds like Maria was more of a mom to you than your step mom. I hope one day when you make it big you return the kindness by putting money into her retirement account and you never lose touch with her. Good for you for recognizing everything she has done for you.