AITAH For Not Making My Daughter Apologize To Her Teacher Again For Her Impromptu Costume?

A Redditor recently found herself in a tricky situation involving her young daughter and her first-grade teacher. The 6-year-old, who dressed as Luna Lovegood for Halloween, decided to add a playful twist by putting a basketball under her costume and telling her teacher she was dressed as her.

The teacher, who is visibly pregnant, didn’t take this as a joke, finding it disrespectful. Although her daughter apologized, the teacher was visibly upset and requested another apology the next day. The mom feels her daughter has already learned her lesson and doesn’t want to make her apologize again. Was this the right call, or should she insist on another apology?

‘ AITAH For Not Making My Daughter Apologize To Her Teacher Again For Her Impromptu Costume?’

34F. I’m the mother of two little girls (6F and 4F). My six year old is a funny, happy, and curious little girl. She can be a bit rambunctious and ask questions or make comments without thinking about how they impact people, which is something I’m trying to work with her on.

My daughter loves her first grade teacher and talks about her all the time. Her teacher is actually pregnant, and has started to show. My daughter was excited when she learned that her teacher was having a baby, and has been asking me and my husband all kinds of questions about pregnancies and babies (yay).

Today, her school let the kids dress up for Halloween. My daughter decided to dress up as Luna Lovegood from Harry Potter. I thought she would have a fun day and that her costume wouldn’t cause any trouble.

I got a call from her principal around lunch time. Apparently, my daughter stuck a basketball under her robes, walked up to her teacher, and said she’s dressing up as her for Halloween. When I heard this, I started laughing. I know my daughter, and I knew she did this because she loves her teacher and probably meant it as a sweet gesture.

Sadly, the teacher didn’t take it that way. She said my daughter was being rude, disrespectful, and commenting on a pregnant woman’s body. When we got to the school, my daughter was crying. We had a meeting with the teacher and principal and my daughter apologized for the costume. The teacher was angry the entire time, and kept telling my daughter how disrespectful she was and how disappointed she is.

When we were leaving, the teacher told me that she expected another apology from my daughter in the morning. I said that my daughter has already apologized, that she clearly feels badly for hurting her feelings. I said she’s learned her lesson and we don’t need to continue beating her up for it.

The teacher, again, started saying how disrespectful my daughter was and I said I needed to go. Again, my daughter was crying and very upset about the situation. I think she’s learned that it’s not appropriate to comment on a pregnant woman’s changing body and I didn’t think I needed to press the point any further.

I ended up taking her to get ice cream and we had a fun afternoon, but she’s asked me several times if her teacher hates her and if she’s a “bad girl.” I’m very upset and am not going to make her apologize again tomorrow. AITAH?

Take a look at the comments from fellow users:

lbn4713 −  There’s no need for a second apology. What is that going to achieve? Edited to add that you’re not the AH.

cthulularoo −  I would not have my kid in that woman’s class anymore. wtf? She’s 6! She’s not supposed to know how to behave. And she didn’t even do anything wrong here. She should not be teaching kids.

Visual-Camera-53 −  I am a plus size woman and I had one of my students dress up as me last year including a little stuffing. I was so flattered that out of all the things in the world they chose me. That teacher is an i**ot.

13surgeries −  Retired teacher here AND was a girl who went through something similar, and I want to say this: Contact the principal and the teacher NOW and tell them you do NOT want your daughter to get coerced into another apology, **especially one that might involve having her apologize before the entire class.**

When I was 8, I missed the bus home and had to wait in the parking lot (no playground) for 45 minutes, until my mom got off work and could get me. A girl in my class walked by and invited me to her house. I planned to be back within 45 minutes, but I lost track of time, and it was an hour before I raced the 3 blocks back to school.

My mom was standing there in tears with my teacher, and my mom never cried. We had a tearful reunion, but the teacher kept chewing me out. Mom, also a teacher, told her not to raise the incident in class, that she and my dad would take care of it at home.

The teacher ignored her, relayed in detail what had happened, and lectured the class not to be naughty like I’d been. I was very shy and was humiliated. For the rest of the year, I got stomach aches from the anxiety of going to school. I learned not to trust that teacher and felt emotionally unsafe in her classroom.

Your daughter’s teacher blew the episode way out of proportion. A sense of humor is really essential to an elem teacher, as well as acceptance of the random thoughts and ideas kids have. I taught when pregnant, and I would have laughed at the ball and remarks. (I went to school as an apple on Halloween that year.)

**I’m sure she expects your daughter to apologize in front of the class**. That should NOT happen. Your daughter meant no disrespect. Enough is enough.. Edit: Thanks for the award!

CptKUSSCryAllTheTime −  NTA. One apology is enough… she’s 6, the teacher is a grown woman. She shouldn’t be teaching children that young if things like that bother her. Kids are cruel without even knowing it and could be doing it bc they love you. They’re kids.

New-Number-7810 −  NTA. The teacher was completely unreasonable for being so angry at a small child! This isn’t a teenager being a sit-head, this is a six year old! OP, if I were you, I would be afraid to leave my child in the teacher’s class. Considering how worked up she got, I wouldn’t put it past her to b**ly or mistreat your child.

I would have told the principal, in front of the teacher, the following; “I no longer trust [teacher’s name] to be alone with my child. My child may have been insensitive but she apologized when she was told about it. The teacher’s reaction is so overboard that I no longer consider her a safe person. I don’t want to risk her abusing my child out of some sick sense of revenge.”

Before anyone mentions pregnancy hormones, that’s not an excuse to be terrible to the people around you. Especially not the people who love you or who you have power over. If the teacher can’t control herself then she shouldn’t be a teacher, period.

Pandoratastic −  NTA. It sounds like the teacher may need to visit the school counselor because she seems like she’s struggling to accept an apology from a small child for her unintentionally insensitive joke.

GreenEyedPhotographr −  NTA. Your daughter did absolutely nothing wrong. She adores her teacher, wanted to be her teacher for Halloween, and did what most little girls do when someone they admire is pregnant. Your daughter’s teacher needs to be educated more on early childhood development if she doesn’t understand this.

I would call the principal and ask to speak one-on-one because the teacher is making this traumatic for your daughter. If necessary, keep your daughter home until you get a chance to settle this to your satisfaction. The teacher was overly sensitive about a 6yo wanting to be like her.

Your daughter wasn’t being rude or disrespectful in any regard (unless she called her teacher fat). But the fact remains, your daughter apologized already. The teacher demanding another apology is going too far. All she’s teaching your child is to not trust her teachers, not be able to go to them for help, and ultimately to fear them.

The principal needs to deal with the teacher and reduce the potential negative interactions between her and your daughter. Also, the teacher opened the door for commentary about her pregnancy by announcing it to the class. What are the kids supposed to do? Pretend they never heard the news?

Kerrypurple −  This woman should not be teaching the 1st grade if she cannot handle normal 6 year old child behavior. I’d be thinking about pulling my child from that school if I were you.

spaetzlechick −  This teacher is taking out her own body insecurities on an innocent child.