AITAH for pretending I didn’t know my ex?

A Reddit user recounts the emotional aftermath of a secret two-year relationship with Shane, who ghosted her only to move on publicly with another woman. A year later, upon encountering Shane at the grocery store, the user pretends not to know him, leaving him shocked.

After sharing this with a friend, she questions whether her reaction was justified, especially considering Shane’s recent personal struggles. Read the original story below to dive deeper into this complex situation.

‘ AITAH for pretending I didn’t know my ex?’

I (29 F) was in a secret relationship with Shane (27 M) for 2 years. The relationship was a normal relationship except nobody knew about it. Because I’m a bigger girl and I’ve never been in a relationship, I didn’t push the issue. After 2 years of Shane living with me, I came home to all of his belongings gone.

I tried to call him but he blocked my phone number and blocked me on Snapchat. He completely ghosted me. I find out through a mutual friend that he was in a public relationship with a woman named Jess. It hurt but I couldn’t change anything so I just accepted it.

3 weeks ago (A year after he ghosted me) I heard he was supposed to marry Jess but he caught her cheating. I also heard that his grandfather passed away last month. Last night I ran into him at the grocery store. He walked up to me and said “Hey, how have you been?”. I looked at him funny and said “I’m sorry, do i know you?”.

He was stunned. After a second I walked past him and continued on my way. I told a mutual friend who said that I was cruel and mean for doing that when he’s going through a rough time. That friend doesn’t know about the secret relationship. Am I the a**hole?

*** I just wanted to add some details*** The friends in my friend group know that me and Shane no longer speak and that we dislike each other. I haven’t told them the truth because they wouldn’t believe me. Shane is very attractive and I’m fat.

Also I’m pretty embarrassed about falling for it and being so desperate for affection that I just accepted how I was treated. I feel kind of bad because in my anger I forgot what he was going through. He. was very close to his grandpa.. 

Here’s what Redditors had to say:

Ok_Star_5584 −  NTA .Fantastic response by you. He left without an explanation. Perfectly reasonable for you to write him off as someone you never knew.

mynamecouldbesam −  100% NTA. Your ex was a d**k. Sucks he’s suffering now, but he should probably seek comfort from those he didn’t s**ew over and treat like s**t. You owe him nothing.

Ironyismylife28 −  haha that is karma. NTA, and what a wonderful way to point out what an ass he is, all while avoiding unnecessary confrontation. Brava!

WinterFront1431 −  Your cruel? The dude left you after using you. The guy is getting a nice dose of karma.. Good for you, girl.

imothro −  NTA. You weren’t in a relationship, by the way. You were his dirty little secret. There is nothing normal about that from a relationship POV at all.

These-Squash8193 −  NTA, Id tell your friend she doesn’t know the full story but that you don’t want to disclose it either. Based on if she can respect that or not would tell me just how much of a friend they truly are.

PermissionAny1549 −  NTA – he sounds like a shallow AH who kept you as a secret because you’re a plus-sized girl. Trust me, coming from a plus-sized girlie, men like that are pigs. I guess karma’s a voluptuous b**ch lol

snickerssq −  You’re actually my idol for that, continue being you

TwerkinAndCryin −  Fat people deserve just as much respect as thin people. Please don’t let anyone, especially s**tty men, make you think you’re worth less because of your size.

HotMama9 −  NTA – Shane ghosted you after two years and moved on without any explanation, which was hurtful and disrespectful. When you ran into him, you were under no obligation to acknowledge a relationship that he effectively ended without a word.

Your friend’s perspective might come from a place of empathy for what Shane is going through now, but they don’t know the whole story. It’s understandable to protect yourself and assert your boundaries after being treated poorly. How you reacted was a way to reclaim your power in that situation.

Do you think the Redditor’s reaction was warranted given the way Shane ended their relationship, or was it too harsh, especially considering his recent loss? How would you handle an encounter with an ex who treated you poorly? Share your thoughts below!