AITA For Dropping Financial Support Over an Intervention?

A Redditor has found themselves at odds with their family after refusing a request to provide additional financial support. As a high-income earner in a low-income extended family, this user has been financially supporting relatives for years with an annual cap, but cultural expectations are still high.

Recently, after the Redditor declined an intervention request to adopt and support a sibling’s children, the family attempted to guilt-trip and demand increased financial contributions. The situation has led the user to question their ties and consider cutting off financial support entirely. Read the story below.

‘ AITA For Dropping Financial Support Over an Intervention?’

Most of my relatives are poor because have too many kids, despite easy access to abortions. As a high-income earner, I (M43) support them (strong cultural expectations) but cap it at \~25k/year, \~3600/household, which is not enough to pull them above water.

I’m a male childfree cat lady, and not a kid person; this is b**sphemy in my culture, but I keep my relatives in line by withholding allowance and humoring misconceptions about inheritance. I was pushed so hard, (back when I depended on them) that I now want NOTHING to do with their kids.

I don’t babysit, minimize interactions with their kids, and I’m not afraid to pull an Irish goodbye. 2 months ago, my sister Laura (F28) and her husband (M29) got in trouble and will be indisposed for awhile, leaving behind their children (Tim M6, Tom M7 Isabella F5 and Mary F2).

My relatives voluntold me to adopt the kids. After I refused, they asked me to financially support the kids; I offered to donate their allowances to Laura’s kids. I thought that was the end of it (despite some muttering), but then they sprang an intervention on me.

They accused me of “not pulling my weight”, “being s**fish” and “failing my duties”, and unsubtly implied that they’d go NC if I didn’t financially support Laura’s kids AND increase their (the adults) allowances.

I was simultaneously insulted and amused. Unbeknownst to my relatives, I’ve considered cutting them out for a while. I’m effectively LC, and when I do see them, I feel like an outsider, am deprioritized, and am expected to be flexible. They dismiss my goals, achievements and struggles.

They add nothing to my life; I only stayed with them because of social/cultural norms around blood, and their ultimatum made it much easier for me to cut them loose. Some relatives really need my money and are now backtracking.

Most are playing the family card (but they’re not); others are trying to guilt trip me with their kids (but I don’t care about their kids); a few are now ok with my now rescinded offer. I’m not budging; failure to budget on their part does not constitute responsibility on my part.

They’re not family, and I don’t want them back. Flying monkeys have accused me of taking out my dislike of my relatives on their kids and said that I should support them because I easily can, but 1) I’m indifferent to their kids, not malicious 2) I can also support another million good causes, I just don’t like this one.. AITA?. 

These are the responses from Reddit users:

huckleberryjam1972 −  It’s been very responsible of you taking care of your family. Sounds like it’s an expectation placed in you by societal/familial norms in your culture. As such your family just takes you for granted, now they try and force unwanted children on you? Good for you on standing your ground and saying no. NTA enjoy your child free life away from your freeloading relatives

coldgator −  1000% NTA

Priapism911 −  NTA, your money spend it as you see fit. Karma is a b**ch!

presvil −  NTA. If I were you, I would cut them all off, explain why, and tell them to f**k off.

Content-Plenty-268 −  NTA. Ditch these leeches, pick another culture. I know it’s easy to say, it’s hard to get the cultural expectations out of us, but you seem to be well on your way. People who depend on your generosity don’t get to insult and criticize you.

Sea-Professor-5859 −  NTA but I I’d gently push you towards trying some therapy with a culturally competent therapist (we do exist!). I think there are some boundaries that would help you live a better life that is more true to who you want to be in the world. It sounds like your family look to you for money but don’t value you for you.

I wonder if there’s a better way for you meet expectations you actually care about and want to uphold, while leaning out of relationships that have no interest in you as a person. You don’t owe your money to anyone, and if it’s not being freely given (I genuinely love and respect you, I want to help you with no expectation of return), then you shouldn’t be doling it out.

People need to learn to live within their means or strive to find better opportunities for themselves. It won’t help them or their children to be the crutch standing inbetween those lessons. Go buy yourself an expensive god u**y cat and consider finding someone to talk some of this through with, for your own long term well being. 

LukeHeart −  NTA as the saying goes, don’t bite the hand that feeds you

Secret-Sample1683 −  NTA. They FAFO. They kept having kids cuz they knew you’d bail them out. But it’s not on you to support them. Cut them out and don’t look back

Excellent-Count4009 −  NTA. There is NO duty for you to pgive them money.

SeaworthinessDue8650 −  You seem to be doing well. Have you considered moving, leaving all the grifters behind, and enjoying your life?. NTA

Was the Redditor justified in setting these boundaries, or should they have taken on more family responsibilities out of cultural duty? How would you balance personal values with strong family expectations? Share your thoughts below!