AITA for not answering the phone to my stepsister, calling her back or letting her stay when she needed a place to stay for the night?

A Reddit user shares a tense situation involving his stepsister, who reached out for help after her car broke down. Despite her desperate texts and calls, he chose not to respond, citing their long-standing strained relationship.

This decision sparked a fierce backlash from his family, who felt he should have offered assistance. Was he justified in his choice to ignore her plea for help, or did he go too far in protecting his boundaries? Read the full story below.

‘ AITA for not answering the phone to my stepsister, calling her back or letting her stay when she needed a place to stay for the night?’

This happened last weekend. Got three random texts in a row and then a phone call that was a number I (23m) didn’t recognize. Didn’t answer and read through the texts. Found out it was my stepsister (24f).

Her car broke down, she was about 30 minutes from my place and her dad and my mom told her she could spend the night at my place and that I “needed to come pick her up”. She called me again and I still didn’t answer and I ignored her texts. The next morning all hell broke loose.

My mom called me a bunch of times and her husband was texting insults repeatedly at me. My mom asked me why I hadn’t answered my phone or gone to pick my stepsister up. I told her I wasn’t asked I was told and I do not welcome people in who I have a bad relationship with.

To sum up our relationship. We knew each other from kindergarten. We didn’t start out a steps but as kids in the same school. By the time we were about 7 we had a very tense relationship. I don’t know what started it but we fought a lot and it only got worse whenever we were put in the same class.

My mom met her dad through the school calling them up and saying hey we need to talk about your kids, they fight a lot. Through that they started to like each other and began dating when we were 9ish. They got married 8 months later.

Our dislike for each other did not change because we were supposedly family at that point. We went to therapy together and her dad sent us to this bonding camp thing where we had to do challenges each day for like a month in the hopes we would work together.

I ended up with a dislocated shoulder from that because she refused to take part in one part of it and I fell. My mom put her foot down about it being the end of that. But we didn’t even tolerate each other. It was either outright avoid and if we couldn’t, there was tension, we glared.

We have not been in the same room since she moved out of my mom and her dad’s house and went to live with a friend. 18 months ago I was in a pretty bad accident and spent some time in the hospital. No concern shown. She didn’t call to find out how I was or come to see me.

Did I care? No. But this is a point I will make because of the big deal about her staying at my place. We do not help each other or care what happens to each other and that’s how it is on both sides, not just me. She had to get my number off my mom last week. She did not have it already.

Because I didn’t answer or let her stay I was told I’m now a s**tty, awful person and my mom’s husband has asked repeatedly how I could do that to my “sister”.

My response to him was where was she when I was in the hospital. That was ignored. My stepsister ended up waiting in a coffee shop for her dad to make the 6 hour drive to her… AITA?

Here’s the input from the Reddit crowd:

No_Cockroach4248 −  Your mom and her husband are well aware of the history between the two of you. If they wanted you to pick her up and provide a roof over her head for one night, they should have called and asked first.

The fact that you do not have each other’s cell phone number says it all for me. They both know there was a very good chance you would say no if they had called and asked, so they unilaterally decided to gave her your cell number and told her all would be fine.

Why on earth would your mom’s husband drive 6 hours to your stepsister? She could not possibly have driven 6 hours for a date. She could have gotten a cab or Uber or rented A car to get home. NTA

naraic- −  Nta – If parent or stepparent wanted you to do something they could have called you themselves. Not give your number to a stranger. Why would they expect you to answer this person and to do them favours.

Cursd818 −  NTA – Tell your mother that not only did she utterly fail you by forcing you to live with a girl who bullied you to the extent you had a serious injury, but she is now allowing her husband to also b**ly you for refusing to engage with your abuser.

Did they seriously think you would allow her into your *home?* That would be extremely foolish, there’s no way she wouldn’t take advantage and do something awful to you. Your mother was a terrible mother back then, and she is a terrible mother now.

Warn her to get her b**ly of a husband to leave you alone and read her the riot act for handing out your phone number. But, frankly, I’m shocked you’re in touch with any of them. Maybe consider if there’s any point being in touch with foul people like that.

GlassButterfly1858 −  NTA. The whole purpose of having your own place is that you don’t have to let people you don’t like into it. She would’ve done the same to you. And there’s no way I’d be answering my phone for a number I didn’t know at all, let alone at 10pm. Block the stepdad and the stepsister.

SpinachnPotatoes −  So 2 people on your contact details did not for one second consider actually phoning you to ask or to let you know she was stuck? 4 adults and that thought never crossed their minds once? NTA. Not everyone sits by their phone waiting to answer unknown numbers that phone them in the middle of the night.

dontblamemeivotedfor −  What an absolute shitshow, “our kids hate each other, let’s get married and force them to live together.” NTA, this is all on your mother’s bad decisions.

wlfwrtr −  NTA Tell mom’s husband that she isn’t your sister, never has been and never will be, she’s his daughter and nothing to you. You show her the same care that she has shown you. Mom and stepdad have no right giving her the okay to stay in your apartment that you pay for.

Also if mom has a key to your apartment for emergencies change your locks without telling them. They may give stepsister a copy so it doesn’t happen again which she could use at any time.

VelvetVixen63812 −  It sounds like you’ve had a tough relationship with your stepsister for years, and just because she needed help doesn’t mean you’re obligated to drop everything—especially when there’s no real connection.

It’s totally valid to set boundaries, especially when you two have been at odds for so long. Plus, she didn’t even have your number until recently? That says a lot. Sometimes family dynamics can be messy, and it sounds like you chose to take care of yourself first, which is important.

1568314 −  her dad and my mom told her she could spend the night at my place and that I “needed to come pick her up”. She really pulled a “daddy said you have to” on a grown man.

NTA All history aside, that is an incredibly entitled and dumb way to ask for help, particularly from someone you have a contentious relationship with. If she had messaged and explained that she was in distress and needed help, been humble and respectful and grateful… maybe you would’ve answered.

Maybe if your mom had been considerate and respectful enough to call you and beg you to help her even though she’s an entitled that, then they’d at least not have been waiting on you.

MattDaveys −  Your mom and stepdad are made for each other. Two failures of parents that put their own s**fish needs ahead of their children.. NTA

Do you think the user was justified in prioritizing his boundaries over helping his stepsister, or should he have stepped up in her time of need? How would you handle a similar situation with a family member you have a difficult relationship with? Share your thoughts below!