AITA for getting my ex-wife and children uninvited from a Halloween party?

A Reddit user recounted a tricky situation with his ex-wife, who seemingly invited herself to a Halloween party hosted by his friends. Despite the party originally being planned without her, she assumed her presence was welcome and insisted on going after overhearing about it.

The user, who has set boundaries with his ex due to past issues, asked his friends to support him in keeping her uninvited. However, this led to his ex telling their kids that he was the reason they couldn’t attend, causing them to be upset with him. Read the full story below to see how these co-parenting and boundary issues unfolded.

‘ AITA for getting my ex-wife and children uninvited from a Halloween party?’

So my (37m) ex-wife (35f) have been divorced for six years and have two kids together under 10. The divorce was not unusual but a pattern emerged during that time where it seemed like my ex would try to intrude into my business whenever possible.

Her boundaries are not good, or rather, her willingness to respect my boundaries. Some limited examples include: I kept the home, but even after moving across the city she felt entitled to enter my home whenever she wanted, she created fake social media accounts to try and keep tabs on me.

and freaked out on me several times when I started dating, despite being in a relationship with her affair partner. As a result, I decided to do everything I could to avoid any crossover in our lives other than the children. I stopped talking to mutual friends, and built my own network of friends that she doesn’t know.

It’s been great for my mental health. Many of my friends live in my neighborhood but my ex didn’t know them when she lived here. She has interacted with them briefly at school events because my kids are friends with their kids as well.

When my friends have asked about her, I keep the information limited, and not share the extent to which she made my life difficult during our marriage. So, recently my ex took my oldest to a birthday party for one of my friends’ kids.

Apparently during that party the moms were talking about our Halloween party coming up around my ex. I don’t have my kids this year but I go every year. According to my ex, she was invited to bring the kids, and according to my friends, she invited herself via text after the birthday party.

The truth is probably somewhere in between. Nonetheless, two of the wives told me about it the next time I saw them, literally hours after seeing my ex at an event for our kids. They were apologetic and said they weren’t sure how it happened and were asking if I was okay with that.

I told them that I need her to not be there and that I’d offer to have the kids and bring them to the party if she wanted. My friends were understanding and said they’d support me however I needed. I told them I’d make it about me, not them. Not surprisingly, my ex didn’t go for it and was insistent that she was going.

This led to a contentious back and forth where she accused me of trying to control her, demanding that if I wanted her to not come I needed to call her (where she usually tries to steamroll me), and claiming that I was violating her boundaries by talking about her with my friends.

She’s also insistent that she’s allowed to be friends with anyone she wants, and I can’t stop her from being friend with these people.
I finally ended it by telling her that she had been uninvited and I was the one communicating it on behalf of my friends.

She then told my kids that I uninvited her from the party and they were mad at me for a few days. So, AITA?

Here’s what Redditors had to say:

Bibliophile_w_coffee −  NTA and change your locks. Go ahead and let a few of the other adults know the nuts and bolts of her behavior, so when she tries to saddle up to them they know not to gossip about you at all, that it’s borderline stalking on her part.

[Reddit User] −  Your going to have to be honest with your kids.  I tired to shield mine and honestly it only messed them up. I took on so much blame to protect them it hurt our relationship.

Tell them mommy was not invited. Daddy was. You wanted to take them. She would not allow you to take them. You had no control over that as it was her holiday. Facts only leave out emotions. 

1lilqt −  Your EX is trying to USE the kids to get into places you go. How many years have you been going and she didn’t know or GO. She will quiz your kids about stuff you do as they get older to try and push her way in..

No-Asparagus-6852 −  He made a new network of friends that he states she didn’t know. These aren’t people she was friends with and he’s making them ice her out. That isn’t the case.

She invited herself and now she’s mad and being petty. The kids were not uninvited. They are dad’s friends so DAD can take them to the party. If they don’t go it’s her fault. NTA.

missvanderflag −  NTA but don’t involve the kids in your fights. In this case they are the ones directly affected, by being uninvited, just because you and your ex can’t be civil. So try to find some common ground with your ex for you kids’ sake.

Sasha_Goddess001 −  NTA – Your ex ain’t respecting your boundaries. She’s acting like they’re just suggestions, not rules. You’re all about keeping peace, and that’s chill. Your friends got your back, so she needs to chill out.

You offered to bring the kids, so you’re not ghosting them. She’s playing the control card, but it’s all about respect, which she’s lowkey not giving. Keep your space, you’re good, dude.

carlosmurphynachos −  NTA. If those are your friends, she shouldn’t try to bulldoze her way in. But you also need to tell your friends that you don’t feel comfortable with her in your space and share a bit about her inappropriate behavior (eg she had an affair and has made your life difficult by trying to control you post divorce).

If you don’t tell people and open up a bit, they will continue to invite her as the mother of your kids. Also, tell your kids the truth. Your mom was never invited to this party. She invited herself and I had to tell her truth.

Consistent-Ad3191 −  I would use a parenting app to talk to her and definitely talk to a lawyer about her overstepping her boundaries and pretty much stalking you

[Reddit User] −  NTA ! Classic case of projection for one thing by blaming you for the exact thing she’s doing and then trying to have her cake and eat it to by continuing to try and be apart of your life and new friend circle so she can have some sort of control over it or opinion on what your doing despite having ruined your marriage.

Seems very s**fish to me and then telling the children so they would get mad at you, SHADY! you sound like your heads in the right place and your doing what’s necessary to get away from that toxic behavior, good for you.

In the end co-parenting means it’s what’s best for the children that matters and you sound like your doing that, but that doesn’t mean she has to have any control over you or your life or who you see and add all this unnecessary drama.

again it’s all about control, control, control and you’ve taken that away from her by moving on and making smart choices so she can no longer cause problems in your life after what she’s done. Stay strong and good luck!

Outrageous-forest −  Stop keeping your relationship with your ex a secret from your friends. They can’t support you or have your back if they don’t know the trouble and abuse your ex throws your way. If you can’t trust your friends with this info, then they aren’t your friends if you can’t trust them.

It’s also puts your friends in an awkward situation of   “had I only known…..”. Next change all locks in your home.  Also install a camera for the outside (don’t tell kid cause they’ll tell their mom).

In case you need evidence of harassment. Talk to the kids on their level. They are invited if you brought them,  but they’re mom wasn’t invited. They are your friends, not your moms friends. NTA

Do you think the user was right to prioritize his boundaries and ask for support from his friends, or should he have allowed his ex and kids to join the party for the sake of peace? How would you handle a situation like this? Share your thoughts below!