AITA for using alcohol in my cooking?

A Reddit user shared an experience of unknowingly upsetting one of their dad’s friends after cooking a meal that included cooking sake. When asked for the recipe, they revealed the ingredient, and one guest expressed discomfort due to religious beliefs.

The user’s dad then criticized them for not considering potential religious restrictions beforehand. Read the full story below to see how a simple cooking choice turned into a bigger issue.

‘ AITA for using alcohol in my cooking?’

My(18) dad invited some of his friends from his school days over. He asked me to cook for them. I asked if they are allergic to anything and they all said no allergies.

One of them said they like the chicken and wanted to know how I prepared it. I told him I used white pepper, soy sauce, black soy sauce, oyster sauce and Japanese cooking sake.

Another of his friends looked very upset so I asked him what’s wrong. He said he can’t have alcohol because of his religion. My dad quickly admonished me, saying I shouldn’t have used alcohol without asking many people can’t have alcohol due to their religious beliefs.

Here’s the comments of Reddit users:

JeepersCreepers74 −  NTA. It is against my religion to drink alcohol, but there are no specific rules about having it in cooked food and the general presumption is that, if we can’t detect it is there, the alcohol has largely burned off in cooking.

And even if that wasn’t the case, intent matters in most faiths and your guest had no intent to imbibe. If anyone has strict dietary restrictions, whether related to allergy, religion, special fitness program or veganism, it’s really on them to inform the host of such before showing up and/or to bring their own food.

DinaFelice −  “No, I’m not allergic, but I can’t have anything made with alcohol” “I keep kosher, so I don’t eat pork” “It’s not an allergy, but I have several food restrictions…it would be easier if you just give me the ingredient list and I can tell you if anything would be a problem”
Those are all valid ways to answer your question.

Because it’s *very* clear that your question about allergies was really about whether you were free to make anything you wanted or whether you needed to be mindful of a limitation.

And frankly, I’m not aware of any religion that restricts alcohol that doesn’t also restrict other ingredients, so when he failed to tell you about the alcohol, he also didn’t think to tell you about the other issues.

NTA. I’m a bit torn on whether your dad or his friend is the bigger AH… The friend failed to tell you his restrictions but technically, he didn’t blame you for including the alcohol (the way you describe it, it’s possible that he was upset with himself, not with you).

On the other hand, your father actively admonished you even though you’d made a good faith effort to discover if there was an issue (and if your father knew about the friend’s religion, then he is actively responsible for the whole situation)

Dittoheadforever −  You’re NTA. My dad quickly admonished me, saying I shouldn’t have used alcohol without asking many people can’t have alcohol due to their religious beliefs. He was the host, **he** should have asked **his guests** when inviting them over for a meal.

The_Void33 −  NTA. When you cook with alcohol, the alcohol evaporates. With the exceptions of rum cakes, bourbon cakes, etc that have alcohol added after baking/cooking. There is zero alcohol. If the try to disagree, ask if they have anything with vanilla in it. (Vanilla extract is about 15% alcohol, just like wine)

cndnsportsfan −  NTA. Cooking with alcohol, sake or not is common, and you asked for allergies. If buddy was so religious it should have gone without saying that he be a big boy and tell you he can’t have alcohol because of his beliefs.

StAlvis −  NTA – I mean, next time maybe use the word “restriction” instead of “allergy.” But anyone asked about allergies who **has** a restriction **knows** that this is their time to mention it.

noinfono −  NTA. Your dad is a d**k. Why exactly are you cooking for him and his friends?

LTZohar −  I’m a retired chef throwing in my 2¢. First, not every bit of alcohol is burnt off during cooking. Next, I keep kosher so I’m very particular about anyone preparing my food. My observance is private so, at family gatherings, I’m cautious.

I have quietly skipped eating once at Thanksgiving as everything was sus. It’s my choice and my responsibility. My faith is a shield not a sword. People have forgotten to be responsible for self and patient with others.

Thanatofobia −  NTA. If that person was *actually* serious but their religious rules, he would have made sure to ask/tell you.
Generally, its more than just one ingredint thats off limits. Dude should have also asked if anything contained pork, if he was so serious about religious prohibitions.

ReadThucydides −  NTA – If someone cares that much about what they eat they should make a point to tell the cook beforehand
Your due diligence on allergies is more than enough

Do you think the user should have asked about religious dietary restrictions as well as allergies, or was the reaction too harsh? How would you handle a similar situation when cooking for a diverse group? Share your thoughts below!