AITA for not staying home from my Eras Tour stop because my SIL’s mom died?

A woman faced a dilemma over attending Taylor Swift’s Eras Tour after her sister-in-law, Grace, lost her mother. Although she spent time supporting Grace and prepared food for her family, Grace later requested more company,

expressing hurt when the woman said she was still going to the concert due to prior commitments with friends. Grace accused her of insensitivity, which left the woman feeling conflicted. read the original story below…

‘ AITA for not staying home from my Eras Tour stop because my SIL’s mom died?’

I am currently on my flight to Indianapolis to see the Eras tour on Saturday. I bought tickets last year and have been booked and ready with my outfit, friendship bracelets, etc. I have been looking forward to this so much as someone who has been a fan since Red.

My SIL Grace told the family last night that her mom died. This is truly heartbreaking, I lost my Dad when I was 20 so I do understand. I went over after work to be with them and also did their laundry for them and fixed them dinner.

Before I left I prepared a bunch of wraps to eat and some casserole as well, I was there until 2am and have barely slept. I got a call this morning from Grace asking if I could come over and spend the morning with her. I told her that unfortunately I had a few things I had to do before I could leave for my concert.

She got very quiet and asked me if I was still going to that. I told her yes, I leave in 5 hours for the airport. She said that she couldn’t believe I could still think about a concert when she has just become an orphan with no one in the world but our family (which is true).

I told her that I am so sorry, and that when I get back I will take off a few days to be with her if she needs. But that this is something I have been looking forward to and also my friends coming with me are counting on me for things like the hotel, rental car, etc.

She got angry and told me that I was a horrible sister in law and that she hopes when my mom dies, everyone abandons me, too. I know this is the shock and grief talking so I am truly not mad at her, when my Dad died I said some pretty chaotic things too. But as I’m sitting on this flight I feel so bad.

I did everything I could think of before leaving to make the day to day banalities of life a little easier for them. There won’t be a funeral so there’s no real big planning involved. AITA for still going on this trip despite my SIL really not having a lot of other people to be there for her?

Take a look at the comments from fellow users:

EmceeSuzy −  INFO: Is this your sibling’s spouse or your spouse’s sibling? And in either case why isn’t your sibling or your spouse stepping up to support her?

ChiquitaBananaKush −  NTA her wishing your mom dies and everyone leaves you, crosses the line.. especially when she’s your brother’s wife and not yours. She’s toxic.

Square-Minimum-6042 −  You put yourself out to help her quite a bit before you resumed your own life. You offered to take time off and help her again when you get back. I’m starting to understand why she does not have many friends. Grief is painful, but it does not absolve her from being courteous. NTA.

PopularComfortable38 −  No. Go to the concert. You helped her but you’ve had these plans for a year. Don’t feel guilt. I’m sorry her mom died but sounds like she has some issues of her own causing people not to want to be around her. 

Curious_Platform7720 −  NTA. Is she always a bit self centered?

rocking_womble −  NTA She’s got her husband (I assume your brother) and her mother-in-law to comfort her (at least). Her grief is not your responsibility – enjoy Eras!

Rabt_FTS −  NTA you aren’t her significant other. You’re the sibling of her SO. Your parent didn’t die. No one even directly related to you died. It’s weird for her to assume you wouldn’t go on your very expensive once in a lifetime trip because her not related to you parent died.

If your brother didn’t drop all his plans, that would be more of a possible red flag, but not you. Go and enjoy your concert. I saw it in London and it was amazing.

Expert_Slip7543 −  It’s probably for the best that you are not serving as a main support for her for this period of time. She feels bereft and seems to want to grab onto you as a replacement; with your absence she will be forced to seek help from more people or find inner resilience.

I wish her all the best, but encourage you to enjoy the concert without the weight of guilt. SIL will still be in need when you return, and you’ll be refreshed and able to help carry her awhile. Grief is a marathon not a sprint.

Ldowd096 −  NTA. Sometimes, when you experience a significant loss, it’s kind of hard to realize that the rest of the world keeps turning when it feels like yours has completely ended. So it’s not surprising that it seemed strange to her that you’re going to the concert when her world has come crashing down.

But it’s not your world, and it’s not your responsibility to support her in this time. You’ve done more than enough, and offered to do more upon your return. She’s lashing out because she’s in pain and can’t understand why the world is acting like the biggest thing in the world didn’t just happen.

But that isn’t fair to you. Go and enjoy the concert, offer support you feel comfortable offering, and hopefully she realizes how off base she was and apologizes when she is in a clearer headspace.

Ireland1169 −  NTA I thought she was very needy but grieving but when she said “she hopes when my mom dies, everyone abandons me, too” (husbands mom too). This is not merely her going over a line this is scorched earth policy for me, as far as I’m concerned I would never see her in the same way again.

You have already gone out of your way to help her but she wanted more, its very sad that her mother died but she (SIL’s mom) is not a relative of yours so to put it bluntly it does not impinge on your life, you were being a decent person to your SIL.

Was it fair for her to continue with her plans? Share your thoughts below!