AITA for breaking my children’s vegan diet imposed on them by my ex?

A Reddit user recently shared a story about a conflict with his ex-partner over their children’s diet. His ex, a lifelong vegan, imposed a vegan diet on their three young sons, but after seeing some potential growth concerns, the father consulted a doctor.

Based on medical advice, he began slowly introducing animal products to his children’s diets during his parenting time. This decision led to a heated disagreement with his ex, who threatened to take legal action to change custody arrangements. Read the full story below to understand the complexities of this family’s dietary debate.

‘ AITA for breaking my children’s vegan diet imposed on them by my ex?’

Before you all jump down my throat, give me a chance to explain. I was with my ex “Venus” for over 10 years, from when I was 15 until I was almost 26. I am currently 31. Venus was raised a vegan and has never (to my knowledge) eaten meat or any animal product.

While we were together, we had 3 boys, M11 “Mercury,” M9 “Jupiter,” and M7 “Mars.” When I first got into the relationship with Venus, I started to follow the vegan diet because she wanted me to, and I’ve mostly followed it even after we broke up, mainly out of habit.

During this time, I had to be very careful with what I ate to ensure I got the proper nutrients, and my food bill every month was sky-high. I also had a lot of issues with depression and anxiety. About 3 months ago, I slowly started to reintroduce meat into my diet, and since then, I’ve felt so much better.

I haven’t had to buy loads of vitamins or carefully plan my diet to ensure I got every amino acid or avoided deficiencies, and my food bill dropped. I also started doing research into kids who are raised vegan and found some things that made me nervous.

I read that vegan kids can sometimes be shorter and might need supplements for things like B12, calcium, and iron if they aren’t getting everything they need from their diet. None of my boys have started puberty yet, which might be okay, but since I hit puberty at around 9, it got me worried about Mercury.

They’re also all in about the 5th-15th percentile for height and weight, which made me want to check in with the doctor, which also made me very concerned after I learnt that their vegan diet could have impacted this. I was never a short kid, but idk I think I just assumed they were just short for their age.

When I brought my concerns to our GP, he recommended introducing meat and animal products into their diets first to see if it would help with growth before considering other options.

So, following that advice, 6 weeks ago I decided to slowly introduce animal products into their diets whenever they had their time with me, but it has been slow. I don’t want to introduce it too fast and I gave them the choice with all the information I had and with what the doctor said.

I informed Venus about this and she was furious with me, saying how I’m just doing it to be vindictive to her, when I’m not. And that if I don’t stop she is going to go back to family court and get the Child Arrangements Order changed so she has full custody of the boys and I only get visitation.

I told her that this was recommended by their GP and she said I had ‘no right in going to the GP without her’, when that is not true, it was during my time with them I am entitled to do whatever I want.

She’s calling me cruel and she’s been telling our boys that they should refuse to eat any animal products and to say I’m forcing them. When this isn’t true and every time they’ve been over they’ve loved trying new foods like real milk, eggs, etc. some they don’t like which is fair. . AITA?

Here’s what the community had to contribute:

Remote-Passenger7880 −  she said I had ‘no right in going to the GP without her’, I’m curious if she involves you in all medical visits during her time. “Right” implies a legal issue, what does your custody agreement say about medical stuff?

NTA. I’d recommend getting medical documentation for the inevitable custody battle that’s coming your way. It’s weird af that only she gets to decide their diet and I really can’t see any court enforcing her diet onto others.

hubertburnette −  I don’t know where you live, but you might want to check on your custody agreement, and see what options you have. It could be useful to get a full blood panel done on the kids.

Yes, you have to be really deliberate about getting everything you need if you’re vegan. It’s possible, but complicated. (And eating meat doesn’t guarantee you’re getting everything either.) It would be good to know whether the kids have deficiencies. NTA

Travel8059 −  Nta I don’t agree with vegan diet for young children. Your doctor recommended meat products I would go with that.  Just a heads up… Veganism is sometimes used as a manipulation or alienation tool against the other parent.

The reason I know… This happened to us. We were the meat eating family and the step kids bio mother was a vegan. They began seeing our house as the bad house that eats meat and began “lecturing us” etc.

Just something to keep an eye out for if it happens and she uses the veganism against your household. Eta from your description it already sounds as if she is.

There is actually a term for that. Look up the term alienation. She is alienating the kids from you when she speaks negatively about you to them which causes them to not like your place as much. 

Existing-Tax7068 −  I am vegan and believe that you can bring up healthy vegan children. I also believe that when you have joint residency, you have to accept that the other parent will have their own rules.

I had shared residency with my two older children (until the ex got bored of them). I didn’t like the way my ex parented. The kids didn’t have an issue with different rules in their different homes and have grown up fine. I also expect my children to make their own choices once old enough.

For example, I think McDonald’s is an unethical junk food company, but at 13 my youngest wanted to try the McPlant burger, so I let them. I don’t think you should eat animals, but it is a legal, socially acceptable choice, and your ex has to accept that.

PerhapsTheFinalOne −  NTA. They’re your children too. You’re doing it in consultation with a medical professional and allowing your children to choose.

Jmfroggie −  Nta. She’s off her rocker if she thinks a judge will grant her full custody to feed her underweight children a vegan diet against the advice of their pediatrician. No judge will force a family to adhere to one parent’s diet on the other parent’s time UNLESS there are serious medical issues involved.

Choose to be vegan- as an adult, with the finances and ability to ensure you’re getting a balanced diet. It is extremely hard to feed growing and pubescent kids a vegan diet alone.

It IS expensive, it IS difficult to ensure all needs are met, and it IS actually just as costly environmentally when you consider the amount of global shipping and third world poverty of food/spice items that are not local.

The HEALTHIEST for the environment is to eat a completely local diet like indigenous people all around the world do. The HEALTHIEST diet for a human is what works with their body. Diet is not a one size fits all and she’s damaging her kids by her attitude.

Keep the receipts! Track their diet and their growth. Get bloodwork done and add in thyroid and vitamin D which are usually separate lab tests. Keep track of their energy levels and how they’re feeling.

NandoDeColonoscopy −  ESH. Learn to communicate and co-parent. Who takes their kids to the doctor and changes their diet without discussing it with the other parent first?!

You both need to set your egos aside and sort it out with each other or through the courts. Bringing this to reddit is either debate bait or a sign that you aren’t up to the task of being a parent.

Available-Love7940 −  I’m going to buck the trend, and I expect negatives as a result, but: YTA for doing all this -without talking to her.-
Yes, she may have fought you on it, but then you wouldn’t be the A.

You didn’t talk to her about it at all, even though it’s shared custody. And while you may dislike why she’s vegan, or the potential issues it may cause, you also didn’t allow her to offer any solutions before going ahead and doing whatever you wanted.

The fact that you let the other custodial parent out of any of the decision making/medical knowledge is what makes you the A. (Bonus thought: If they had any negative effects of introduction to animal products (which many vegans have if they leave the lifestyle), it might’ve hit on her watch, and her with no idea why.)

SouredFlowers −  NTA. If she wants to be vegan that’s fine but if their GP recommends some animal products and they want to try it, they should be allowed to decide.

Better_Implement_973 −  YTA. When the two of you were together and made the choice to have children you followed and agreed to a vegan diet.

Then, for whatever reason, you’re looking into ways this could be bad and consulting physicians without input from their mother and simply expect her to be okay with you unilaterally deciding to change your kids diet.

The whole thing seems pretty off. If you had legitimate concerns that were not based in hostility or resentment etc. why not include your ex in this from the beginning?

Even if the animal products are the right thing for your kids, how you went about it was bound to cause issues. You had to know this. I have to wonder if you didn’t care or liked that about it.

Do you think the father made the right choice by following the doctor’s advice, or should he have respected the vegan diet his ex imposed on their children? How would you approach a situation where parenting styles clash so strongly? Share your thoughts below!