AITA for allowing my friend to bring her stuffed animal to me and my fiancés wedding? ?

A Reddit user shares a dilemma about her upcoming wedding. One of her bridesmaids, Kennedy, who has autism, finds comfort in carrying a plush frog named Hocus. Kennedy asked if she could bring Hocus to the wedding, as it helps her feel calm in social settings.

The user agreed, even suggesting Kennedy make a matching dress for the plush, but her fiancé is upset and thinks it’s inappropriate. Now, she’s unsure if she overstepped by allowing it. Read on for the full story below.

‘ AITA for allowing my friend to bring her stuffed animal to me and my fiancés wedding? ?’

i(27f) am getting married to my fiancé kay(26m). our wedding is only a few months away. This problem has to do with my friend kennedy(27f) who is also gonna be a bridesmaid. she has autism and always has some sort of plush with her to squeeze and hold on too when we’re out, along with a pair of headphones.

A few years ago i got her a frog plush from build a bear for her birthday and she loved it. she named it hocus and loves buying and making clothes for it. Even her boyfriend thinks it’s adorable how attached she is to it today. My fiancé never had a problem with kennedy until she asked if it was okay to bring hocus with her to our wedding.

i don’t know why but it upset him and he told her no. i asked him about it later that day and he said it would be weird and childish. but i never really thought it was childish. when she does bring hocus out with her she just has it sitting on her lap and squeezing its hand. this might be where i am the a**hole because i told kennedy it’s fine if she brings it along.

even encourage her to make a dress for it that matched the one she was gonna wear(pink) my fiancé found out and was livid. i tried to tell him that it wasn’t a big deal and that it was just a stuffed animal that wouldn’t draw any attention. even then he still won’t budge and is refusing to talk to me. was i really wrong.

hi! thank you to everyone for the supports and advice. i currently talking to my fiancé and attempt to compromise with him. and i love the ideas some of you are thinking of! we will have hocus in some of the brides maid photos with every bridesmaids approval(. if kay agrees to keep him there) and kennedys about to start getting to work on the dress as soon as she finds the fabric the same color as the dress

Here’s the input from the Reddit crowd:

strawbbella −  he shouldn’t be negative and ur a great friend, but i personally wouldnt want someones stuffed animal in the background of my wedding ceremony and party pictures

melodymountain −  NTA. Been a wedding photographer for over a decade. At my wedding just LAST WEEK, the groom’s daughter (17 years old I believe?) had autism. She had a mini fidget toy/plush tied onto her bouquet, and toys + headphones accompanied her down the aisle to stand next to her dad in the best man’s spot.

Guess who cared? NO ONE. We got to witness this beautiful child support her dad in the best way she could, and her having those comforts allowed her to be present and I even got stunning photos of her crying during her dad’s and new stepmom’s vows, and her stepmom even wrote a vow just for her.

Wedding decisions are a two yes, one no’s decision, but I do believe your partner is being unreasonable and don’t understand why he would even care.
ETA my first award! Thank you kind internet stranger!

TrainingDearest −  ESH. This is one of those things that you have a DISCUSSION about and work it out. Both of you are being dismissive of the other’s opinion/feelings. This is a wedding of TWO people and neither of you gets to ‘override’ the other. Doing something behind his back is just as wrong as him not being considerate of your friend’s needs.

myselfasme −  This is your friend and your bridesmaid, and I think having the little safety frog in a matching bridesmaid’s dress is completely adorable and very inclusive. It is a shame that she didn’t ask you instead of your fiance. It is a shame your fiance didn’t talk to you before saying no.

You were in the wrong for overriding your fiance’s decision, but your fiance was in the wrong by making that call without discussing it with you first. A wedding is just the day that starts a marriage.

The two of you need to find a way to talk about things and respect one another’s feelings, needs, and whims in order to have a good marriage. Maybe schedule some time with a therapist and use this issue as a starting point on how to argue in a healthy manner. It could be this little frog is what helps you build a good, healthy marriage.

srgonzo75 −  NTA. You’re making an accommodation for your neurodivergent friend, and your fiancée is concerned with how things look. A wedding doesn’t make a marriage, and your friend can leave Hocus out of the pictures if it’s that big of a deal. The groomsmen are his responsibility, the bridesmaids are yours, and it’s not up to him to make sure everyone is as mature as he’d like to be.

FancyGoldfishes −  Lots of ways to make this work. She may NEED Hocus as she’s standing in front of a bunch of people in a fairly stressful situation for a longish period of time. Incorporate Hocus into her flowers (if she’s holding any). Have him dressed as a groomsman or bridesmaid and let her carry him without disguising him at all (adorable). Make him the ring bearer!!!

Have a little lily pad on the ground at the front so she can set him down within close reach during the vows. Allow another friend to sit up front and hold Hocus for her once she’s settled at the front. You risk her stepping back as a bridesmaid or breaking down during the ceremony and this as a very reasonable accommodation.. NTA – your fiancé is.

CasualOnlooker619 −  Don’t have any kids with him if that’s how he treats an adult with autism. NTA your husband is

laurasdiary −  NTA. It’s alarming that your fiancé is being so negative about her bringing a beloved stuffie with her for the ceremony. It shows a lack of caring and compassion on his part. His priorities are off in a disturbing way.

Jilltro −  ESH Your fiance is an AH for getting bent out of shape over a toy frog. You are an AH for going behind your fiancé’s back concerning his own wedding. It’s not a big deal *to you* but it clearly is to him. Instead of talking about it and working on a solution together you just did whatever you want and even told your friend to make the frog into more of a spectacle.

Famous_Specialist_44 −  I think weddings are as much about friends and family as the bride and groom because together they make it a memorable event.
On that basis if your friend wants to bring a plush toy, attired appropriately, that’s all good and you are NTA.

However, everyone has their own appropriateness measures when it comes to weddings including in some cases colour schemes, dress codes, children or child free, seating plans and lord knows what else – ultimately the bride and groom have to communicate with each other, come to agreement and then together share their agreed position with guests. That’s the start of a healthy marriage. Good luck.

Do you think the bride is right to prioritize her friend’s comfort, or should she respect her fiancé’s feelings about the wedding vibe? How would you handle a similar situation with a friend who needs extra accommodations? Share your thoughts below!