AITA for not providing any kind of extra support for my kids other household?

A Reddit user shares the tension with his ex-wife over financial support for their shared children. Though he pays a court-mandated amount in child support, his ex has repeatedly asked him to contribute extra for her household, which includes children from her current marriage.

After refusing to fund gifts and top off lunch accounts for her stepchildren, his ex accused him of being heartless. Is he wrong for drawing the line at supporting only his own kids? Read the full story below.

‘ AITA for not providing any kind of extra support for my kids other household?’

I have two children (11f and 8m) with my ex and we share physical and legal custody of them. I pay child support because I’m a higher earner than my ex and the child support is minimal ($150 monthly) but is supposed to help balance things between both homes.

My ex is married again and her family has grown. In the house with her are her husband, his three children (under 10) and their two shared children (under 5). My ex and her husband struggle financially and have attempted to increase child support five times in the last four years.

The courts turned down their request for more child support each time. Twice in front of a judge and the other times we did not make it before a judge before it was denied. My ex was reminded that child support is meant to provide for our kids, not for her family as a whole.

My ex argued that the financial burden impacts them but this was not deemed worthy of a child support increase. They were looking for an increase to make it $800 a month. My ex has independently asked me to give her $50 here and there. Or to buy stuff for the other children in her home.

This happens even when our children are in my home. I always say no. I have told my ex that I am not responsible for supporting her other children and will never provide for them financially.

Recently this became a more intense issue on their side because our daughter’s birthday and her youngest stepchild’s birthday are a week apart and our daughter had a great time and got gifts at both my house and her mom’s and she had a big birthday party that I hosted.

While my ex’s stepchild didn’t get much and had no party (they could not afford one). I had been asked twice to send some gifts for the other child. My ex also wanted the other kids invited, my daughter didn’t so they weren’t invited. It pissed my ex off.

But then her stepkids lunch accounts went into the negative days after the birthdays were both over and since I topped up our kids, she wanted me to do it for her stepkids and I said no again.

She called me a monster and asked how I could live with myself knowing my children’s other family are struggling and are literally drowning in financial difficulty and I could help out but choose not to.. AITA?

Here’s what people had to say to OP:

Sapphire71519 −  Is it possible to have the kids live with you? What she is doing sounds very m**ipulative… I truly hope this doesn’t turn into a situation where it is making your children feel bad or even make the stepchidlren resent your children over time.

As much as I am for helping any child, you are in the right to not feel obligated to take care of someone else’s child. Not only that, she is sure acting entitled about the situation.

I would save these messages and see what can be done to make things not just easier on you but the children. If you can, it sounds like they just need to live with you instead.

Ducky818 −  Why in the world does your ex think you should be supporting somebody else’s children? They should have had their finances in order before expanding their family. Kids ain’t cheap.

slinkimalinki −  NTA and thank you for listening to your daughter when she chose who to have at her party. Sounds like she finds it a relief to get a break from her step siblings which is true for a lot of children. If you cannot get full custody, Is there anything else you can do to help your children?

Like maybe if they have an interest, you could pay for them to go to a summer camp for it so they can get a break? It sounds like their time at their mother’s house is really stressful so any extra time you can get them out is probably better for them.

Remote-Passenger7880 −  are literally drowning in financial difficulty and I could help out but choose not to. You could help them financially by taking majority custody if you want lol. Two less children to provide for should help. NTA

ObsidianConspiracyXx −  The other kids’ dad is literally right there. NTA. Not your problem.

poeadam −  NTA, and I would be concerned with the living conditions in the other house that has 7 children in it and not enough money to pay for their school lunches. At some point it might be worth looking into having your kids spend more time at your house – is custody 50/50 right now?

n3mar1 −  NTA. You provide for your own family, she needs to provide for hers. Why isn’t her husband pitching in lol??

jc92380 −  If I were you, I would file for sole custody of your children and make her pay you support. Even without the support, your kids would be better off with you.

Stranger0nReddit −  NTA. Your ex is delusional if she thinks you’re a monster for not financing HER family. They are not your responsibility or problem.

anbaric26 −  NTA. You are right to not give her a penny extra — the moment you start giving her more, she could potentially use that in court as a precedent/status quo to get the child support officially raised. You have to be really careful about strictly holding that line.

It was her decision to marry someone with 3 kids, and then her decision again to have 2 more. She chose to have kids she couldn’t financially support. I would suggest though that you don’t worsen any rifts between your kids and their step/half siblings.

The financial disparity is already huge, and it may be next to impossible to salvage the relationship, but you should encourage your kids to be considerate and grateful and generous with their siblings.

It’s not their siblings’ fault that their parents are financially struggling or that they’re putting the responsibility in the wrong place. There’s ways you and your kids can still be kind and considerate to the other kids without giving your ex money.

Was the Redditor right to set clear boundaries for financial support, or should he contribute more to help his children’s other household? How would you handle financial responsibilities in this blended family situation? Share your thoughts below!