AITA for putting my foot down with my family who blamed my fiancée for something my half siblings said?
A Reddit user shares a conflict involving their family’s harsh response to a sensitive topic about “half” siblings. When the user’s fiancée, Ash, mentioned her estranged half-siblings, the user’s own half-siblings expressed complicated feelings about family dynamics.
This led the family to blame Ash, claiming she had “brought up” the issue, even though she didn’t initiate the topic. The user stood up for Ash, but now the family thinks they were in the wrong for defending her. Was the Redditor right to take a stand for their fiancée? Read the full story below.
‘ AITA for putting my foot down with my family who blamed my fiancée for something my half siblings said?’
I’m (25m) engaged to Ash (25f) and recently we had an incident with my family where I put my foot down with my family and they think I’m TA. So we were all having dinner, mom and dad, half siblings (mom’s kids with her ex-husband) and their spouses, full siblings, and me and Ash.
During dinner my parents asked Ash if she’d heard from her siblings recently and Ash said no and she wouldn’t expect to ever hear from them. Ash was raised with half siblings who were older than her but did not like that she existed and made sure she knew she was less than in their eyes for being half.
They chose no contact once they turned 18 and cut off their (shared) dad too. Ash carries some sadness around because of it. She’s an only child otherwise and still loves them and sometimes struggled with the little girl inside of her who really looked up to them.
But she’s working with a therapist to make sure she’s doing better mentally. Especially now that she’s an adult who has accepted she’ll never have a relationship with them.
My siblings brought up that they find the half thing weird and we never used it and nobody they know would ever personally use it. Mom said it’s not something that should be encouraged and she’ll never understand anyone dividing family up that way.
My half siblings said they just don’t want to think people use it, but they do all of the time. They said they always used it for us. That most of us just closed our ears off to it and liked to pretend we’re all full siblings.
They said we’re not and the relationship they have with the rest of us will always be less than the one they have with each other because they have an entirely different side of their family to us and a different dad to us and we only think it’s the same because we never went through divorce and/or d**th of a parent.
They went through both. My half siblings went onto say their kids know we’re not their real aunts and uncles and that our dad isn’t their real grandpa. And it’s dumb to think step and half are ignored.
My half siblings left and the rest of my family tried blaming Ash because she brought it up (my parents did, not Ash) and look what she started kind of thing. My mom said that kind of talk was never in our house before.
I told them to stop and when they tried to say Ash working on accepting “half is less” (which she’s not working to accept that but to accept her half siblings not wanting anything to do with her) I suggested to Ash that we leave and told my family that I was not going to tolerate that from them.
I told them it was inappropriate and we would not come back if they were going to keep blaming Ash for something she had no role in.. AITA?
Here’s the comments of Reddit users:
Natural_Garbage7674 − NTA. Your *mom* was the one who started it when she tried to brag about how much “better” she was at managing her family. Well done, mom. You’ve alienated your older children *and* your son and his fiancée. All to try and win a competition no one was competing in.
Papismooth − NTA. This has obviously been brewing in the family for a while going by what your half siblings said, they just didn’t bring it up outside of eachother. Those feelings don’t just appear out of nowhere.
Seems your parents are just looking for someone to blame so they don’t have to face the reality that their family isn’t as cohesive as they thought.
LightPhotographer − So the whole family dinner was a leaking fuel barrel at a poorly maintained gas station and your parents asked Ash if she had any matches.. NTA
EstrellaA11 − NTA – Time to have sit down with your mom (the person who is to blame for it). Did she know the situation with your fiancé and her siblings before hand? If so why would she even think to bring them up? Maybe to try and brag about the dynamic she believed yalls family had.
How was it like growing up? Did your half siblings seemed to be pushed into everything without actually getting talked to? I have 2 half sisters and 1 full brother, but I’ve never saw my little sisters as “half siblings” they were just my siblings period I love them just as much as my brother even if we don’t share the same father.
Hell the older of the two looks like my twin and the younger one looks like my brother. I know not all families see it that way and i usually see it as because parents don’t take accountability of their children’s feelings and have a talk with them see how they are feeling about it all.
I don’t agree with the part your half siblings saying yall aren’t “real aunt and uncle’s” because yall are. Yall are siblings sharing the same mother it seems your half siblings have some unresolved feelings that have been dismissed by your mother, maybe father, maybe you and your other siblings. But your mother does need reality check.
LouisV25 − NTA. The problem is your parents don’t want to hear or take accountability for reality. They pretend they didn’t hear step and pretend and do not want to take accountability for starting the conversation.
It’s too bad they cannot accept that their home is peaceful while 1/2 and steps exist. A lot of people don’t have that coexisting relationship.
becoming_maxine − NTA – Just because your mom doesn’t want to acknowledge the reality doesn’t make your step siblings confronting her with it Ash’s fault when the subject came up.
Sounds like your step sibs feel the same as Ash’s step sibs. They just aren’t treating you badly like Ash’s are, even if they don’t consider you an equal sibling.
analyst19 − NTA. Walking away when someone is being rude to your fiancée is a good idea.
Rohini_rambles − Your mom sure does gaslight. She is fiercely guarding her idealist all her kids love aand adore each other and she won’t let her delusion be broken by the reality that the family was nolever as blended as she wanted . NTA
throwaway6262626278 − NTA, it sounds like your mom is living in delulu land and I’m not sure how you turned out so unbelievably empathetic and logical. Good on you sir, she’s lucky to have a supportive partner
Shdfx1 − NTA. Your half siblings were right that the parents refused to listen. They STILL refuse to listen. Your mother is acting like if Ash never described how her half siblings don’t think of her as a sibling, then her own kids would never have even felt this way. It’s willful blindness.
I think the problem is that you and Ash were younger than your half siblings. You grew up with them already there, like any other sibling. Since their other parent died, there was no shared custody, and no time when they lived with another family. To you and Ash, they were just older brothers and sisters.
But what they experienced was the d**th of a parent, and the destruction of their nuclear family, as a child. That shatters a child’s sense of security. Mom or Dad never came back one day. That is a terrifying thing to happen to a kid.
Then, their surviving parent moved on, fell in love again, and had one or more children, like their old family never happened. A child NEVER gets over the loss of a parent. That was their one and only mom or dad, forever, and there is no replacement.
There’s just a stab wound to the heart that heals into a scar they always feel. An adult, however, may always miss their late spouse, but they can move on, love again, and marry again. It’s not replacing the late spouse, but rather a new chapter. It’s a completely different experience for the adults.
It is very common for kids not to bond with their younger half siblings, when parents remarry. Some just feel like outsiders in the new family, they’re angry that a parent moved on after a d**th when they never can just get over it, or they may even feel envious that those younger kids have that safe nuclear family that was taken from them.
A bond cannot be forced. You and Ash really don’t understand what it was like for a parent to die, and their other parent to move on, remarry, and have kids with a new spouse. It’s like they’re ghosts from the past, looking through the window at the happy new family.
It’s also really common for the kids of that new family not to understand why the half siblings reject them. Only pain and loss brings that understanding. A final word – you ARE real aunts and uncles to your half siblings’ kids, because you shared one parent. You are blood kin to your half siblings’ kids. You aren’t step siblings, but half siblings.
Was the Redditor justified in defending their fiancée, or should they have handled it differently? How would you navigate such a family situation? Share your thoughts below!
