My friend of 8 years accused me of sleeping with his wife. I cut him off and he’s asking if I’m still his friend?

A Redditor finds himself at a crossroads after his close friend, whom he supported through a divorce, accused him of being involved with his wife. Despite years of friendship, the accusation and his friend’s refusal to take responsibility for his own behavior make him question whether to continue the friendship. He’s torn between loyalty and the frustration of seeing his friend avoid accountability.

‘ My friend of 8 years accused me of sleeping with his wife. I cut him off and he’s asking if I’m still his friend?’

So I 22m and my friend B 22m, have been friends for 8 years. He was a brother to me. In 2022 he got married to his highschool sweetheart N 22. The three of us went to a small highschool together and graduated in 2020. In the past year he’s been a slob, and quit his job making N pay all the bills.

I talked to B for N. Asking him to support and be there as a good husband. No matter how much we talked to him, he never changed he played games all day every day. N eventually divorced him and he moved back in with his parents. I was on a call with him for the 2 day drive so he wasn’t alone.

I was talking to him and checking up on him. After a few weeks of begging N not to divorce him he got angry at me. Saying N probably cheated on him with me. I view them bolth as family and wouldn’t do that. I blew up on him and explained to him why that’s not the case.

He then said if I’m his friend I’d convince N to not divorce him. But she worked 50 hours a week to support his bad spending. He would buy hundreds of dollars worth of games and gear to sit at home. He wants to be friends, but I don’t want to be friends with him anymore.

He took advantage of his wife’s kindness. Got mad at me for telling him she’s unhappy. Accused us of sleeping together. In my mind B doesn’t want to be the problem so everyone else is the problem. Should I still be his friend? Should I still support him hoping he’ll change?

Check out how the community responded:

Altruistic_Mobile_60 −  You can’t help him if he doesn’t want to be help.

RudePrincess_69 −  B’s got a PhD in ‘Blame Everyone But Myself’! Maybe he should focus on leveling up his life instead of just his gaming skills.

Biggerthanashark −  NTA. Good friend come with baggage and problems they are human after all. They will have a bad day and sometimes you’ll see a bad side but over all they are a friend. But no the guy is nuts and you clearly see it. Do you want to be friends with this kind of baggage? Anything that goes wrong is your fault? Do you think a friend would accuse you of that ?

MessEither −  Your former friend has decided to become a professional victim and leech. N is very lucky she realized that he wasn’t going to grow up and her decision to divorce him was the right call. Sadly, you are caught in the middle.

You could try to remain B’s friend, but he doesn’t really want friends. He wants people to wait on him and serve him. He’ll never take responsibility for anything. Don’t expect him to change and remain NTA.

AyeYoTek −  Man got married and doesn’t know what accountability or self awareness is. NTA, can’t be friends with bums.

shammy_dammy −  NTA. Let me ask you this question…if you met him today, would you want to be his friend?

larrydavid2681 −  why would u even want to be friends with this type of person. he too far gone.

Tea_Time9665 −  If u a real friend u would absolutely tell his wife to divorce him.. He’s a pos.

Fluffy_Sheepy −  NTA. B is responsible for his own behavior. It isn’t your job as his friend to make sure his life remains exactly the same as it was. Friends dint exist to tell ys that we are alwats right. If anything, that would be a disservice and would not be the actions of a true friend. And nobody, and I mean NOBODY, has any right to force someone to stay in a relationship that isn’t working out for them any more.

So even if B was behaving better and N had no obvious reason to leave that you were aware of, it still would not have been your place to try to make her stay. You are a friend of hers, not her jailer. B needs some self-awareness, and to reasses what it means to be a friend or a partner, because he seems to think those words mean “unpaid servant”.

dollywooddude −  Run fast and far. You’ve outgrown him. A friend like this will s**k your energy and bring you down in life. Better to surround yourself with mature people farther ahead in life with a growth mindset. You’ve given enough here, don’t stay in any relationship with someone who just takes.