Update: AITAH for not consoling my bf because I make more money?

Update my first post here: https://aita.pics/UUFIb

‘ Update: AITAH for not consoling my bf because I make more money?’

Long story short, my boyfriend of 5 months who doesn’t make a lot, found out I make a hell of a lot (he makes around 30k a year and I’ll be clearing 400k, though I was caught off guard when he saw a financial email and told him 120k). He freaked out and had a minor emotional meltdown because he realized he would never be ‘the provider’. I told him to get over it.

Not a huge surprise to anyone, but we talked it out and a big reason he reacted badly is because he’s in a bad spot. We live REALLY rural and 15 dollars an hour in a farm store is basically the top pay without a major change of life on his part. (Moving away, somehow changing jobs when there are no real jobs, winning the lottery…). The stress got to him and he didn’t react well.

He apologized and our relationship limped along for a few more weeks, but he started making little digs at my career. Saying stuff like how he can’t believe I make so much money for ‘silly projects’, that it’s wild I make more money than a doctor when I’m not saving lives. Things like that.

Typing them out, they sound like mild nitpicks. And I certainly have a love-hate relationship with my art when I’m in the weeds on it, but I didn’t like the vibe that was coming from him. It felt resentful. Instead of being happy that he had a gf who was doing well, it felt like he saw it all as a failure on himself.

Like, I kinda think my future is not great because AI is coming for my job… but if I somehow do even better, then how would I explain it to him? Without him freaking out?

I broke it off and he didn’t seem that upset, so I guess it was a good call. Though suspiciously one of the local churches has contacted me for money for their local charity. They seemed to know that I’m a high earner even though I’ve kept it private. (I even use a registered agent for my LLC) So, I think he’s been telling people tales. It’s a small town, so *that’s* fun. Anyway, thanks for all the advice on the last post. And for fucks sake, I don’t do OF.

Here’s what people had to say to OP:

Glittering-Cold-791 −  Good for you. I don’t understand why it’s such an issue if one side earns more than the other. Be happy for your partner that they do well and support them. I think you dodged a bullet by leaving because if he can’t support you there then he’d probably be making problems in other things later on as well. Good luck for your future!

ObsidianNight102399 −  What a small, fragile little man, lol. Good riddance….just be on the lookout for an onslaught of a bunch of random dudes suddenly intreated in getting to know you!

Limp_Razzmatazz_792 −  If my gf make 400k and me 30k, that b**ch is not going touch a single house chores. Clean house, cooked food will be done. She gonna go home, clean and eat. On the other hand, yes, people look down man make less than woman. Lead to him stressed by it.

PuzzleheadedTap4484 −  You dodged a bullet. He’s acting like a child. He’s bitter and throwing a tantrum. He’s definitely too immature for an adult relationship. And yes I think he told people and it’s gotten back to the church. Block him and say no to the church.

Grimwohl −  I really, really don’t get this. You would come home to a foot rub, a back rub, and probably oral and all the chores done. All he had to do was appreciate you as a person and get over not being the breadwinner, and bam, good life for your both. He’s gonna be kicking himself for a while.

Initial-Company3926 −  That is not “a little nitpick”. That is trying to shame you and bring you down. Regarding the churches: No is a complete answer. You can´t be forced to pay them. Of course some don´t understand that no, and if you get tired of it, just say you already give to charities and leave it at that.

coupl4nd −  The clearest his loss I’ve ever read.

picklelady −  When we started dating I made much more than my (now) husband, and he is significantly older than me. But I was career-driven, and he had been a small business owner for 13 years. He thought it was awesome, I was the one who saved up the down payment for our first house while he was switching career paths.

Now I’ve been self employed for the past 10 years making almost nothing (less than your ex-boyfriend), and hubby’s career pays all the bills.
The thing is, when you’re a team, it doesn’t matter. My success was his, his success is mine, because we support each other and allow each other to thrive.. OP, I hope you find your teammate.

Winternin −  Good riddance!

JTBlakeinNYC −  That really sucks. Don’t despair though. Not all guys are like that. When I was earning high six figures, most of the guys I dated made less than me—some of them significantly less. Many of them had as many or more years of higher education than I did, but chose less lucrative (but more rewarding) career paths.

No one ever complained, just like no one ever complained when I was the one making less. Give it time and you’ll find someone who realizes there is very little connection between a person’s true worth and their bank balance, whether their own or a partner’s.