AITA for telling my friend to stop mentioning pictures my wife posts?

A Reddit user shared a recent confrontation with a friend who has developed negative attitudes toward women, particularly regarding their confidence and body image. The user’s wife, a passionate pole dancer, frequently posts pictures and videos showcasing her skills, which the user fully supports.

However, during a DIY session, the friend criticized the user for allowing his wife to post such content, claiming it contributes to a problematic culture. This led to a heated exchange where the user defended his wife’s choices and called out his friend’s attitudes. Was the user wrong for pushing back against his friend’s comments? Read the full story below.

‘ AITA for telling my friend to stop mentioning pictures my wife posts?’

I’ve got a friend who the last couple of years has turned a bit “Tatey”. He has been wronged by a couple of women in the past couple of years (one left him and got married within three months, the other stole a lot of his money) but he seems to have a particular dislike for women selling content or just generally being confident in how they look.

That point brings me on to my wife. She’s 39 and we’ve been together since school. She’s a very fit and attractive woman and her main hobby is pole dancing. She loves it and has been doing it for a few years. She’s really good and she loves it so much, it’s great to see her really excelling at something and being so passionate about it.

She posts a lot of pictures and video of herself pole dancing on accounts that only friends can follow so it’s not like she does this for attention even though I’ve told her if she ever wanted to I wouldn’t mind as a few of her friends have quite big followings and sometimes when they do shows my wife is in the photos and videos and gets a lot of positive comments.

At the weekend I went to my friends to help him with some DIY and he asked me if I mind my wife posting what she posts. I said not at all it doesn’t bother me. He then said “you’re part of the problem. Women are getting too much ego and it’s bad enough when it’s single women but married women shouldn’t be doing that” I told him if he’s that bothered then don’t look and unfollow her.

He said that won’t change anything and it’s the culture being created around women getting validation for their bodies or some s**t like that. I got a bit wound up at this point and asked him if he’d like to ring my wife and tell her himself? He said no he was just talking to me man to man and I need to grow a backbone. I told him I’m not the one with the backbone problem if he can’t handle a bit of flesh and gets offended by it and he’s the weak one.

I ended up leaving and a few mutual friends have said that while I was right he’s going though a hard time and is a bit vulnerable to this way of thinking. I personally think thats b**lshit and we need to tell him he’s heading down a wrong path. Me and my friend are both 41 I forgot to mention that.

TLDR: friend is heading down a Tate wormhole and said my wife shouldn’t be posting pictures of herself pole dancing. I told him to grow up and not be so easily offended.

Here’s how people reacted to the post:

DJ_Too_Supreme_AITA −  NTA. He then said “you’re part of the problem. Women are getting too much ego and it’s bad enough when it’s single women but married women shouldn’t be doing that” This mindset is why this man is single. OP I would be dropping this guy as a friend after this comment. Two bad apples doesn’t ruin the whole apple tree.

He said no he was just talking to me man to man and I need to grow a backbone. What he wants you to do is be controlling and force your wife to stop a hobby she enjoys. Pole dancing isn’t always seen in an inappropriate light, many people do it in an art form. Also, to clarify even if she was doing it in an inappropriate way it would still be ok because you’re fine with it. Thats all that matters

anothertypicalcmmnt −  NTA Good job standing up for your wife’s right to enjoy a hobby and be confident! I agree with you about letting him know you (and hopefully your other friends) don’t agree with these new views he’s taking on. If the people around him just let his comments go without any push back or worse, agreement, it’ll only make him feel validated and justified and more comfortable with these new views.

He needs to understand that just because he’s been hurt by two women, doesn’t give him the okay to be a misogynist. Even without all that, what business is it of his what YOUR wife does anyways?

No_Database_5101 −  “you’re part of the problem. Women are getting too much ego and it’s bad enough when it’s single women but married women shouldn’t be doing that”. The correct response is “You are an a**hole”.. NTA

MaleficentProgram997 −  This whole friendship is coming into question if this dude is going this path. Wow. NTA and I’m really happy to read how you’ve responded to him. EDIT: “He has been wronged by a couple of women in the past couple of years (one left him and got married within three months, the other stole a lot of his money) ” This sounds like a him problem and not a women problem.

Pladohs_Ghost −  NTA. Tater Tots should be called out every time they spew their toxic, misogynistic b**lshit. Going through a hard time doesn’t excuse the b**lshit.

DANADIABOLIC −  NTA— Good for you for sticking up for your wife and other women, even when they are not in the room. Men like this only have something to say behind a computer screen or under his breath to other people. I woulda said the same thing- SAY IT TO HER FACE THEN. These men are miserable, and will always be miserable. They are SCARED of women, lets face it.

taorthoaita −  NTA. Tell your wife so she has the option to remove him as a follower. He’s a weirdo.

TipsyBaker_ −  NTA your mutual friends need to stop handling him with kid gloves, letting him get away with that nonsense. That’s how it grows. Other men calling him on his bs is the only way to stem it. In the meanwhile, talk to your wife about blocking him. He doesn’t need any sort of access to her.

onlytexts −  When women consistently make bad choices about men, it is women’s fault. When men consistently make bad choices about women, it is still women’s fault. Men are always inoccent somehow.. NTA.

HelenGonne −  NTA. He’s not ‘going through a hard time’ if he’s chasing that kind of thinking, because chasing that kind of thinking is manufacturing a pretend hard time out of nothing for the sake of f**e drama. Any pain he’s feeling is from what he’s doing to himself.

Do you think the user was justified in defending his wife against his friend’s comments, or should he have been more understanding of his friend’s feelings? How would you handle a situation where a friend makes inappropriate comments about your partner? Share your thoughts below!