AITA for rolling my eyes during a serious discussion my grandparents son and sons wife wanted to have with me?
A Redditor recounted a complicated family situation involving their biological parents, whom they’ve never recognized as mom and dad. Raised by their grandparents from birth, the user feels a strong bond with them and considers them their true parents.
Recently, the biological parents returned to the family and tried to discuss inheritance, causing tension when they claimed the user was taking priority over their other children. During this heated discussion, the user rolled their eyes in frustration, leading to further conflict. Were they wrong for their reaction? Read the full story below.
‘ AITA for rolling my eyes during a serious discussion my grandparents son and sons wife wanted to have with me?’
So clarity is that my grandparents son and his wife are my biological parents. But I (17m) have been raised by my grandparents since birth and do not recognize their son or his wife as my parents. Biological parents if I have to be honest about it but my parents are my grandparents to me. But I call them both grandparents and parents depending on the situation.
My biological parents had me in their mid 20s but they “weren’t ready to be parents” and asked my grandparents to raise me at the last minute, like 2 days before I was born last minute. They (my biological parents) actually walked out of the hospital and just left me there. Called my grandparents first but they were gone by the time my grandparents got there.
I grew up around my paternal family minus my parents. I didn’t “meet” them until earlier this year. I’m close to aunts and uncles who are more like siblings in some ways but also like aunts and uncles. Cousins I’m close to as well. My grandparents are my favorite people though and I’m SO glad they raised me. They were amazing grandparents turned parents again.
About a year and a half ago my biological parents returned and told the family they had kids. My grandparents didn’t push me to interact or meet any of them so I stayed out of it. My grandparents only interacted twice. My biological parents chased after them to be more involved but my grandparents said no.
The extended family didn’t see them often either even though my biological parents really tried to act like it was all one big family around them again.
The discussion of inheritance and wills came up and my biological parents wanted to know if their kids had been added as equal grandkids and they said they heard I was being treated like a kid and why the hell was that happening.
I was no more their kid than the other grandkids and I shouldn’t take priority as a grandkid either since I was one of the oldest. I didn’t need anything. My grandparents kicked them out and told them to get lost (in their more mature nature). This brought my biological parents to me and asking to have a serious talk and them blaming me for my grandparents not wanting to know their kids better.
I rolled my eyes when they brought it up and it pissed them off and I just shut the door on them and my grandparents were outraged they approached me for the first time ever to shame me for their decisions that were not mine. But then my grandpa’s brother was saying they had a point and that caused a fight between my grandparents and him and made me question stuff.. AITA?
Here’s what people had to say to OP:
coolranchpuffs − So… your bio parents vanish and miss your entire childhood, leaving you in the (thankfully great) care of your grandparents, only to reappear 17 years later to sniff out potential inheritance money.. Got it. NTA.
NobodysPerfectTen − NTA. Your biological parents feel threatened because you being treated as your grandparents’ child rather than their grandchild means that there is one more child to share in the inheritance. Based on what you’re saying, it sounds like your biological parents are anticipating an equitable distribution of your grandparents wealth when they finally pass on.
Frankly, in your biological parents’ place, I’d worry more about being left out of the will completely. That’s what your grandparents should do. First, they decided they weren’t ready to be parents, so they dumped you onto their grandparents. Which is disgusting enough.
“Oh, gee. It’s like, I’m not ready to be a mommy/daddy now. It’s like, such a bummer. So, I think I’ll just d**p this kid on my parents and let them take care of the kid.” Ready or not, you are a parent. This is not a responsibility you can just pawn off on something else. Compounding their offense, when they decided they were ready, they didn’t bother inviting you back into the fold.
They just made more kids and left you where you are. If my parents did that to me, I would tell them in no uncertain terms that they are dead to me, and have no right to even speak to me, much less discuss inheritance. Your parents are greedy, s**fish and immature. Like I said, in your grandparents’ place, I would ensure they inherit nothing.
StAlvis − NTA. my grandpa’s brother was saying they had a point. Who cares what this dude thinks?. S**t’s not about *him*.
MissAnth − NTA because your biological parents have no business coming to you after 17 years and asking you for anything. But you need to have a serious talk with your grandparents. They need to see a lawyer and have ironclad wills. Don’t bring up who will get what. Frankly, that’s not your business.
It’s 100% your grandparents’ choice. It doesn’t matter who is a kid, who is a grandkid, etc. It only matters what your grandparents choose to give to each person. But it would help you out immensely and eliminate a lot of fighting and drama from your life if your grandparents get their wishes down on paper and make sure that there are no loopholes, no mistakes.
That means hiring a lawyer to write it. This is the only way to make sure that your grandparents’ assets will go to who your grandparents want the assets to go to. Tell your grandparents things like you love them and appreciate them, and you want their wishes to be honored. Tell them that you don’t want to fight with your biological parents, so they have to have wills that will not allow any discussion or debate.
Travel8059 − Nta. Personally I would avoid your bio parents moving forward if they want to meet up again. They are just coming around “for the money” and hopes of being put in the will. Don’t allow them to guilt you for their negative choices. You did nothing wrong. You are lucky to have such great grandparents as parents to you growing up.
They are your real parents. As far as any will or inheritance, simply refuse to discuss this matter with your biological parents. In my opinion it’s horrible etiquette to discuss or make demands about someone else’s will. Your bio parents need to mind their own business. The fact is.. They weren’t around and didn’t put in any effort in your life and upbringing.
LouisV25 − NTA. You’ve done nothing wrong. Stay away from them and their child. They’ve only come back to stake a claim on money. They’ll treat their kid better than you – no need to subject yourself to that.
1) The OTHERS are ridiculous to think that they have any say in how YOUR parents divide THEIR estate.
2) The OTHERS not only left you, they left YOUR parents.
3) Rolling your eyes was polite compared to the things that could be said and are ALL TRUE.
4) It is time to drop grand. If EVER approached by the OTHERS, tell them. “You’ll have to speak to MY PARENTS, they taught me about stranger danger.”
TheDarkHelmet1985 − OP.. your uncle is wrong and they do not have a point. Your bio parents abandoned you for almost your entire life. They disappeared with a whole new family. Despite being ready to be parents at some point, they never seemed to think of you as family. Never came to get you or visit you or any thing that parents do for the kids, but they had time for their new children.
Now they want to blame you for having a closer relationship with your grandparents than they do? Blame your grandparents for being closer to you? That is complete and utter BS and I’d disregard anything that uncle says. On a legal note (I’m an estate planning attorney), your parents have zero legal authority to direct or dictate who your grandparents give them estate to through their wills of trusts.
They can legally disinherit anyone they want as long as they are competent at the time they execute the documents. I can tell you a lot of people decide to disinherit people. If your grandparents do want to accept your bio parents new kids, that is their choice. Your parents significantly and permanently altered your grandparents lives.
They handled it well and clearly handled raising you well. That said, action like that by a kid can really alter the way their parent looks at them. ON top of that, they abandoned you only to have more kids and never come back to get you. They have no right to come back and have any argument to an inheritance when your grandparents had to pay for everything related to you in their absence.
You will be stuck in the middle i’m sure. You will have certain family members give you crap and try to make you feel bad. If your grandparents decide to not provide for them and give you more of a share, they are well within their rights to do so and are doing so because of how they feel about the relationship they have with you. Don’t let others change that or your view of that. Don’t give into make your parent’s life easier.
True-Button-6471 − But then my grandpa’s brother was saying they had a point. Sort of like how the Coneheads have a point. NTA and your biorents are hugely.
ThatWhichLurks782 − NTA and I really hope your grandparents drop those people from their will entirely. Or maybe leave them $1, so it is harder to contest in court that were left out unfairly.
MerlinBiggs − NTA. Your 17 and the only time they’ve ever reached out to you is to ask about money. Hope they get nothing in the will(s).
Do you think the user was justified in rolling their eyes during such a serious conversation, or was that disrespectful to their biological parents? How would you handle a similar situation? Share your thoughts below!
