AITA for “letting” my ex and my kids’ half siblings “be poor” when I could help?
A Redditor is grappling with a dilemma involving their ex-partner and her young children from a new relationship. Since their separation seven years ago, the Redditor has taken full custody of their two kids and maintains financial stability, while their ex has experienced ongoing struggles.
Recently, the ex asked for financial help and a place to stay in the Redditor’s lake house, but they declined, pointing out that their responsibility ends with their own children. The ex has accused the Redditor of being unsupportive and “letting family suffer unnecessarily.” Read the full story below.
‘ AITA for “letting” my ex and my kids’ half siblings “be poor” when I could help?’
I have an ex with whom I share two kids (13M & 12M). Our relationship did not work out and we broke up seven years ago. Since I was the financially stable one, she wanted me to have full custody. I have had full custody ever since. She has visitation, but she only uses it intermittently.
Quickly after the breakup, she started dating a guy “with money.” He is from overseas. She quickly got pregnant by the guy and they had a son. The guy did not want to “raise someone else’s kids,” so she moved three hours away and completely stopped seeing our kids for almost two years.
It turns out the guys’ money was actually family money, and when his conservative family found out about my ex and the baby, they cut them off. Also, their son had some developmental issues. She got pregnant again and a few months later, her BF left and returned to his home country.
She is now 6-ish months pregnant with no job and taking care of a special needs kid. She called me last week and asked me for financial help. They are living out of a motel and she is running out of money. I have a lake house about 30 minutes from her.
She asked if she could stay there. I said “no.” She asked if I would send her money, I said, “no.” She called me an AH. She said that I am letting “my family” suffer unnecessarily when I have the means to help. I told I have no obligation to help. We have been arguing ever since.. AITA
Here’s the input from the Reddit crowd:
Tangerine_Bouquet − NTA. You have responsibilities to *your* kids (as did she, but she doesn’t have custody so let’s say that’s not part of this particular question). You do *not* have responsibility to your ex or any other kids she has.
She can call you anything she wants. She’s your *ex*. You can facilitate visitation, or anything else that’s for the benefit of *your two children*, but it’s more than reasonable to say no to anything else. She needs to chase the other kids’ father (or other family) down for their support, if she can.
LouisV25 − NTA.
1) You have two kids with an absent mother to raise. Don’t let her guilt you.
2) Helping in this case will lead to dependence. She’ll not leave your home and expect you to support her.
3) You should not become a financial crutch for an ex that makes REALLY bad decisions.
4) Having 1/2 siblings doesn’t make you, specifically, your finances family.
5) If her kids are suffering, it is because of her poor decisions not yours.
6) Calling you for money and not for the kids she basically abandoned should say all you need to know.
CaregiverSubject581 − Nta. You have no obligations to her. Make sure you’ve got cameras at the lake house or neighbors who can tell you if she trespasses bc unless you can stop her, she could and probably will just show up at the lake house and stay there without your permission.
KidnappedPlzHelp − NTA – You have full custody, let her rot. She’s not your family and never was. She can enjoy the bed bug infested motel. Also, if she’s living in a motel, do not let her in your home and if she visits your kids, make sure they don’t let her inside or go inside the motel. The last thing you need are roaches or bed bugs from a motel.
extinct_diplodocus − NTA. She’s your ex, not your family. Her kids are unrelated to you and not your family. She made her choices and it’s up to her to handle the consequences. You have neither legal nor moral obligations to give her charity.
GothPenguin − Your family is not suffering because you won’t give her money. She’s no longer your family especially since she’s barely family to the children you share. NTA
Logical-Cost4571 − NTA “unless you are calling/texting to speak about the welfare of OUR children or expressing your desire to visit them, please refrain from calling me. Be warned though, I will not let you emotionally upset our children with YOUR problems.”
Chance-Contract-1290 − NTA. She’s confusing the *ability* to help with an *obligation* to help. They’re not the same thing.
150steps − Make sure she can’t break into the lake house. NTA
Apprehensive_War9612 − NTA. You have already helped her by relieving her of the financial burden of supporting your 2 children. You don’t have to bail her out of her repeated poor decisions. She is not your family
Do you think the Redditor should step in to help their ex for the sake of family ties, or is it fair to set boundaries given the circumstances? How would you handle a similar request from an ex? Share your thoughts!
