AITA I told my MIL that’s all on her?
A Reddit user shares a conflict surrounding their son’s upcoming fifth birthday. He wants a chocolate cake, but his mother-in-law (MIL) expresses her dislike for that flavor and insists on a cake everyone will enjoy.
When the son tells her it’s not her birthday, the user reinforces the idea that the birthday child chooses the cake flavor. This leads to tension, with the MIL calling the user names and threatening not to attend the party unless their son writes her an apology note.
The user stands firm, believing that allowing their son to enjoy his special day without compromising is important for his understanding of celebrations. Read the original story below to see how the situation unfolds.
‘ AITA I told my MIL that’s all on her?’
My 5 year old son’s birthday is coming up and he wants a chocolate cake with chocolate icing. It’s his birthday so I said yes. My MIL can be a s**fish cow sometimes and my son was telling her how’s he getting chocolate cake and chocolate ice cream.
My MIL said she didn’t like that and my so. Should get something we all like. My son said “it’s not your birthday so you don’t get a say”
This would be normally disrespectful but recently said this to my son when went to his friend’s party.
When my son didn’t like the cake flavor and we had the discussion about how the birthday person gets to choose their cake flavor because it’s their special day. My MIL was shocked and I told her the same thing I told my son “when it’s your birthday you can get whatever flavor of cake you want”
My MIL called me a b**ch and my son a spoiled b**t. So I told her “with that attitude you won’t be coming to the party.” My Husband was wtf and tried to talk me into ordering his mom a cake she would enjoy after our son and I was “rude” to her.
I said no it isn’t her day and that just teaches our son to act e**itled at other peoples parties if we don’t stick to the rules and etiquette that we explain to him and it will just make him confused, e**itled, and spoiled.
My husband saw the truth in that because our son was excited about his birthday cake for his birthday and now understands that not everything is about him. Other people get to enjoy their special event how they want to. In return my son gets to enjoy his special event and occasions how he wants to.
My MIL doesn’t seem to get that and wants my som to write her a “sorry note” and what he did wrong. My husband and I don’t feel like my son did anything wrong by repeating what his parents told him. My MIL said she’s not coming to the birthday party or getting him a gift without the apology note. I told my MIL that’s all on her.
See what others had to share with OP:
twelvedayslate − NTA. But why is your husband not sticking up for you and your son? He’s equally guilty here for that.
Comfortable-Sea-2454 − NTA – I said no it isn’t her day and that just teaches our son to act e**itled at other peoples parties if we don’t stick to the rules and etiquette that we explain to him and it will just make him confused, e**itled, and spoiled.
My husband saw the truth in that because our son was excited about his birthday cake for his birthday and now understands that not everything is about him. Other people get to enjoy their special event how they want to. In return my son gets to enjoy his special event and occasions how he wants to.
My MIL doesn’t seem to get that and wants my som to write her a “sorry note” and what he did wrong. My husband and I don’t feel like my son did anything wrong by repeating what his parents told him.
My MIL said she’s not coming to the birthday party or getting him a gift without the apology note. I told my MIL that’s all on her. MIL is acting like a 5 year old and your 5 year old is acting like a grown up!!! Kudos Mom for letting your son have the final say on HIS day!!
CrewelSummer − NTA – Your MIL’s behavior is so e**itled and rude that she got called on it by a 5 year old. That *should* sting, but it should be a wake up call that she’s incredibly out of pocket.
It’s not spoiled at all to want to have your birthday cake be in your favorite flavor, but it’s *incredibly* spoiled and s**fish to tell someone else to change their birthday cake flavor to suit you.
There is someone acting like a spoiled b**t 5 year old here, but it’s not the actual 5 year old. And hopefully, MIL sticks to her word. You’ll have a better time without her and her childish behavior in attendance when you’re trying to teach your son how to act with maturity.
Personally, I think your son acted well. His statement wasn’t rude at all. The rudeness was coming from your MIL, and he simply shut that down and stood up for himself. That’s very impressive from a 5 year old!
EsmeWeatherwax7a − Tell your MIL your son will apologize after she writes you a “sorry note” for calling you a b**ch and your son a b**t. I predict that will happen exactly never. I think you’re taking the exact right tone here.
If she expects to make her grandson’s events all about her, it’s important that she understand how that is not going to work. (I feel some sympathy for your husband’s childhood.) If she expects that calling names will get what she wants, she is less mature than your 5-year-old.. NTA. Keep up the good work.
T00narmy1 − NTA. “Our CHILD does not owe you an apology for stating the truth. His birthday is about him. What he said to you was just repeating something we recently said to him at another child’s birthday.
It was not rude, and it was not out of line. You can disagree all you want, but we’re not going to force him to pretend to be sorry. This is his birthday, and he should get the cake HE wants on his one day.
If you are going to hold a grudge against a small child over your hurt feelings, skip his birthday, withhold gifts, and not be in his life, then that is your choice as an adult. And it is your relationship with your grandchildren that will suffer.”
ReviewOk929 − My MIL called me a b**ch and my son a spoiled b**t. NTA – For wanting to have a cake his way on his birthday?? WOW, well we all know who is acting like a 5 year old here and it’s not your son!!
Lucky_Six_1530 − NTA. “ My MIL said she’s not coming to the birthday party or getting him a gift without the apology note. I told my MIL that’s all on her.” Good, because I’m pretty sure you uninvited her to begin with.
catladyclub − She is arguing with a 5 year old child over his birthday cake and has the audacity to claim he is in the wrong? Let her stay home and miss the party. Naughty children do not get to go to birthday parties. NTA
WhizzoButterBoy − NTA – My petty self would write the following apology note. Dear Grandma. I’m sorry I embarrassed you by reminding you about courtesy and manners. I know you are doing your best and will try harder to be nice in the future. Love grandson
JoanHarris581 − Your MIL is being unreasonable. It’s your son’s birthday, and he should get to choose the cake he wants. You’ve taught him that birthdays are about celebrating the person, and your MIL is acting e**itled by demanding a cake she likes.
Your son didn’t do anything wrong, he was simply repeating what you taught him about respect for others’ special days.
Do you think the user’s stance on allowing their son to choose his birthday cake was fair, or was the MIL justified in her feelings? How would you approach this situation with a family member? Share your thoughts below!
