AITAH for telling my wife to stop crying about missing out on our daughter’s wedding?

A Reddit user recounted a tense family situation involving their wife’s emotional reaction to their daughter Lynn’s decision to elope instead of having a traditional wedding.

Despite their wife’s initial excitement about wedding planning, Lynn, known for her non-traditional lifestyle, chose to have a small celebration, leaving her mother upset over missing out on the experience.

After weeks of her crying about it, the user expressed frustration and told their wife to stop, leading to further conflict. Now, they’re questioning whether they were in the wrong for their bluntness in the situation. Read the full story below to dive deeper into the family’s dynamics and emotional struggles.

‘ AITAH for telling my wife to stop crying about missing out on our daughter’s wedding?’

My wife (53f) and I (55m) have three children. Brett (27m) Amy (25f) and Lynn (24f). Now let me say, I love all my children in their own way. But no child has ever given me a headache like Lynn. She’s our wild child.

Got a college degree at 16, began working and saving up, moved to Louisiana once she turned 18, got more college degrees and lives a pretty nice life. I’m proud of her, of course but she has always been our wildly independent, argumentative, intelligent little girl.

She’s the more social one too. Shes covered in tattoos, piercings and always has funky hair. I’m proud of her, I love her, but she’s always been our non traditional child. Lynn met her (now) husband, Brad (27m) when she first moved to Louisiana.

Brad is like Lynn, tattoos and piercings up the wazoo. Non traditional. He’s a good kid, I like him. He protected Lynn and has been by her side for a lot of things, I actually love that kid for protecting my baby girl.

Lynn will be the first child of ours to be married so when we heard the news about their engagement, my wife was super excited. She started talking about wedding planning and all that girl stuff.

Lynn and Brad were both upfront about not wanting a wedding and just wanting a small party with mainly family and some friends as a celebratory thing. My wife was very upset and pushed at Lynn till she reluctantly agreed to plan a wedding.

Not even a week into wedding planning, Lynn and my wife had a spat about floral arrangements which led to Lynn flying back home to Louisiana. Lynn announced they had eloped and would be planning a small intimate get together in New Orleans around Halloween time.

My wife lost it, her and Lynn got into a huge argument over the phone which led to them both not speaking. My wife cries every time this situation is brought up, saying she missed out on her little girls special day.

After a few weeks of this nonsense, I finally snapped and said “why are you surprised? Lynn didn’t want a wedding in the first place! She’s our least traditional child! I’m just glad we at least got the engagement announcement.

Stop crying about it and wait till Brett or Amy get married cause they are the ones that will actually enjoy that wedding s**t.” My wife called me a few names and has been avoiding me.

I really don’t mean to be an a**hole but Lynn is the last child I’d expect to want a big grand wedding. I mean for f**k sakes she’s a nurse that does hair on the side who is also a practicing witch.

That child makes no sense! I’d more expect Brett to want the big wedding when he and his boyfriend eventually get engaged. It also just felt wrong she tried forcing it on Lynn. Lay the brutal honesty on me. Do I roll over and apologize or continue to stick up for Lynn over this mess?

Here’s the comments of Reddit users:

TarzanKitty −  NTA – Your wife missed her daughter’s wedding because she was acting like she was planning her own wedding. Whatever type of flowers your wife wanted is f**king irrelevant because she is neither the bride or groom.

MathematicianNo8055 −  A good father knows his children and what will make them happy. NTA. You’re a good dad and keep standing up for your daughter. Unfortunately, your wife was thinking about her happiness not your daughter’s.

Kaablooie42 −  Does your wife realize she was probably the reason your daughter eloped? If she had just let Lynn do whatever kind of wedding she wanted I’m sure out of the small guest list you both would have been invited. NTA

RevolutionaryCow7961 −  NTA. She didn’t want the wedding. And when she agreed to a small wedding your wife tried to bulldoze her into one. Tell if she keeps up this bull Lynn will end up no contact because your wife forgot how to be an adult. Remind her the marriage isn’t about her.

digitydigitydoo −  The fact that Lynn cancelled not only your wife’s wedding plans but also her *original* wedding plans really speaks to just how far your wife was pushing things.

I get the feeling that the flowers were barely the tip of the iceberg when it comes to the ways your wife massively overstepped. Totally NTA. And you may need to get your wife into counseling to curtail her need to control her children’s lives.

KimchiAndLemonTree −  I’ll be brutally honest with you.  You shouldn’t have let her complain for few weeks.  You shouldn’t have let her push Lynn to agree to a wedding she didn’t want. 

You need to tell your wife if she continues to disrespect Lynn for life choices she doesn’t agree with Lynn will eventually go no contact with her.  And yes your wife IS disrespecting your daughter.  Your wife doesn’t have to like Lynn’s choices. But she does need to respect them.

You don’t have anything to apologize except maybe the delivery.  You might have been wrong blowing up with frustration instead of calming telling her but your wife needs a bit of counseling to help understand Lynn isn’t a thing she can change.  Lynn is a person, in her own right, who deserve respect. 

Sleepwalker0304 −  NTA. Reading this I have to ask, how much time did your wife spend trying to correct Lynn into her ideas of proper girl things while she was growing up?

Getting married doesn’t require a wedding. Good for you for supporting your daughter and her husband and I hope you keep doing it because I feel like this is only the beginning if they decide to have children.

Bripk95 −  Lol NTA. I mean, she’s allowed to feel sad but you’re right, she should’ve known. Honestly, Lynn reminds me a lot of myself and I was a little surprised she wasn’t the gay one. 😂

tidymaze −  Continue to stick up for your daughter. Your wife sounds awfully m**ipulative and self-centered. I wouldn’t be surprised if Lynn goes low/no contact with her mother. What’s important is that you keep the lines of communication open between yourself and Lynn. Let her know you’re there for her, whatever she needs.

yugo3463 −  Your wife needs to realize it was her day and not hers. She should have respected her wishes to not have a wedding.

Do you think the user’s blunt response to their wife was justified, or should they have approached the situation differently? How would you handle the feelings of a spouse during such a significant family event? Share your thoughts below!