AITAH for being disgusted and just saying OK when my Fiancé broke up with me?

A Redditor shared the emotional aftermath of their sudden breakup with their fiancé, Alex, who initiated the split by ranting about long-held resentments over her career choices, income differences, and even her decorating preferences.

After she simply replied with “okay,” he accused her of being cold and unfeeling, further complicating an already tense situation. Now, she’s questioning whether she should have reacted differently in response to his shocking statements. Read the full story below to understand the complex emotions involved.

‘ AITAH for being disgusted and just saying OK when my Fiancé broke up with me?’

I (28) had been with my fiancé (Alex 34) since 2020. We met at a friend’s party, hit it off, and have/had been together ever since. He finished his Doctorate in Economics just last year. Since then he has been working at the Uni. I have my Master’s in Media Sciences and decided to start working instead of going for a PhD.

Okay… so the problem is that Alex broke up with me last Monday. It was literally so surreal and honestly… just weird. For the past few months, he’d been acting strange. He was making demands and then dropping them immediately.

A few examples: he told me we were going to paint our walls back from dark green to white. When I asked why, he just said, “For f**k’s sake, forget it,” and never brought it up again, even when I asked.

Another time, he came home and got mad because I was sitting on the couch with my head covered in a blanket (I had cramps). He was upset because I was “just sitting there watching Netflix” (mind you, the house was spotless). When I tried to talk about it, he said, “Forget it, it’s not a big deal.”

This kind of thing became common. Every time I tried to communicate… tried to figure out what was going on, whether it was something I did or maybe he was just stressed at work… he would just say everything was fine, but he was clearly seething with rage.

I didn’t even have to do anything; he would find something to complain about (the apartment, clothes, me, work, etc.). So, I gave him space, which apparently was also wrong. I told him I was going to help my parents with repairs for a few days, and somehow that was also wrong because he wanted to renovate the apartment too.

Then, on Monday, I got a text saying we needed to talk. I knew what was coming, and after the last few months, I had made peace with it.
When I came home, he was sitting on the couch. He didn’t even wait for me to take off my jacket before saying, “I want to break up.” Then the verbal diarrhea started.

He told me he resented me. First, because I didn’t pursue my academic career further, even though I was capable, and he didn’t want to upset me at the time. Then, when I started making more money (since he didn’t make much as a PhD student), he felt like I should have the last word financially, and he hated it.

Mind you, I never said anything like “it’s my money, so I have the final say.” That’s a rule he imposed on himself, and he hated it. He said he hated our paint scheme, the couch, and even our f**king crockpot.

Then, he told me he had rejected a better PhD program to stay here because I had already started my job by the time he got the acceptance letters. Only, he never told me he had even applied overseas.

He said a few months ago he checked in with a friend who’s in that program, saw how they were thriving, and decided I ruined his life. He said I had too much control over his life and that he hated the idea that I could just decide not to pay for things and “f**k him over” (I honestly don’t even know what that means).

He also said he hated that all his friends loved me and didn’t let him vent about me. Then he said again, “I’m done.” I was floored. I had already made peace with the idea that we were ending, and it hurt, but after that rant, I was just disgusted. I looked at him, probably with a disgusted expression, and said, “Okay.”

He lost it. He said this is exactly what he meant… that it was horrible. We had been together for four years, and all I had to say was “okay” to our breakup? I just asked if he wanted to stay here while he figured out where to go. He said, “Typical, of course you’re holding the apartment over me,” and started ranting again, so I just left.

I told my parents, and they’re also confused. My dad suggested I reach out to our landlord and explain the situation to see what options I have. I can keep paying the rent no problem myself. He covered the utilities and some subscriptions. Just to reiterate, I never had a problem with this.

I saw that he was chasing his dream, and that was more important to me than a 50/50 financial split. I make good money and am happy at my job. I never saw it as “slaving away.” I always had the mentality that my money was our money because we were building a life together.

Of course, I had my own savings and fun money, but I honestly never cared. As long as I felt he was working towards something and wasn’t taking advantage of me, I was fine with it. More than fine. Alex is still mad.

He’s going between texting me like a robot about the logistics of the split to being a seething a**hole complaining about everything. I’m not even hurt anymore. I just feel nauseated by him at this point. I don’t know. Should I have reacted differently?

Here’s the feedback from the Reddit community:

dan1987te −  Dude basically hates himself for decisions he took without ever consulting you. He chose his comforts but now since others seem in a better position he is venting on you and making you the culprit. NTA but your man has a little brain and doesn’t know what to do with it.

RantyMcThrowaway −  NTA. Dude basically said he hates you and everything about you. What are you supposed to do, beg for his love when you can find someone who’ll give it to you readily? Nah.

Sorry this happened and that you were blindsided, but this will be a good thing in the long run. Onto the next. FWIW he sounds jealous, insecure and emotionally stunted. If what you’ve written is how things played out then you dodged a huge bullet.

Ready-Zombie5635 −  NTA – your response was sort of what I would have probably said in the same situation. He pretty much was like, ‘I hate everything, you’ve ruined my life, blah, blah, blah’.

What else is there to say other than, okay? It’s not as if he left the door open to work on your issues, he just ranted at you and said he was done, end of conversation.

Soft-Requirement-461 −  Girl I’ve been with a man like that. They want drama. They want toxicity. They will f**k up your life out of pure insecurity and hate. You dodged a MASSIVE bullet. I’m sorry this happened, you deserve better. Wish you the best❤️

PatentlyRidiculous −  You did the right thing. I am a dude and this guy is incredibly insecure. He is a d**ma queen. Let him stew in his own drama. Don’t participate. You reacted perfectly!

He wanted you to get emotional and upset and act irrationally so he could feel superior. You didn’t and he had a meltdown because he realizes you’re more successful and happy than he is.

And he resents you even more now because you aren’t begging him to stay.. Kudos!👏👏👏 Drop this guy. Ghost him and eradicate him from your existence. He is dead weight and will only hold you back. Now go live your best life

x_theNextHokage −  Sounds like his ego couldn’t handle you being the breadwinner. Not your problem, he could have communicated like an adult rather than seething in his own insecurities. He sounds emotionally weak.

VirusZealousideal72 −  Sounds like A LOT of resentment has been building over a very very long time. Over real but mostly completely made-up stuff. He made up scenarios in his mind to be upset about. Also – he wants you to get a PhD in Media Sciences?? To do what with, stare at the wall?

I just have a BA in Media Sciences and I have so much working experience in my field I outearn any Master student or PhD candidate I know with the same degree. Experience and your working curriculum is so much more important than degrees in that field. He’s insultingly unknowledgable.. NTA.

your-yogurt −  NTA. so there’s a comic called, “tramps like us” where the main character has a hard time finding romantic partners because all the men in her life are intimidated by her. she’s tall, beautiful, well educated, makes good money, etc.

so all the men feel “less” in her presence and end up breaking up with her because of it. the situation here is similar. because your ex is older than you, he probably feels like he needed to be more successful, more dominant in the relationship, more in control.

he had this whole break up speech, and when you responded with, “okay” you didnt give him the response he wanted. maybe he wanted you to beg, to cry, to let him be the emotional dominant one in the situation.

the fact you shown him you will be “okay” once he’s gone pisses him off, because *he* knows he’ll struggle since he has to find a new apartment, find a new roommate, and the fact his friends like you MORE must’ve really stung him.. anyways, NTA op.

FitzDesign −  So it’s pretty clear that he resented that you were becoming successful and he wasn’t. In his mind he warped that into you were holding him back and so he resented every single thing that you had a hand in.

Fact of the matter is that you dodged a major bullet OP as his resentment would have only festered and gotten worse. As for saying okay, actually I love it as even though it was unintentional it showed him how little his nonsense was worth.

Just try to keep any conversation between you emotionless and don’t try to respond to his provocations. If necessary get an impartial third party to act as a mediator to handle his nonsense so you can be done with him ASAP. I’m sorry that this happened to you OP but at the same time I am happy for you that you dodged such a major bullet.. NTA

Stormydaycoffee −  He doesn’t hate you, he hates himself, has some sort of inferiority complex and is taking it out on you. NTA op, u can’t fix someone like that, just run from that bullet u dodged.

Do you think OP’s simple response was justified given her fiancé’s outburst, or could she have reacted differently? How would you handle a breakup after hearing such a list of grievances? Share your thoughts below!