AITAH for not making my brother’s soon-to-be ex-wife give up her plane ticket to his current girlfriend?

A Redditor recently shared her story about being caught in the middle of her brother’s new relationship and his ex-wife, who is set to join a family trip they’d planned and paid for prior to their split.

With tickets and reservations already booked, the brother’s new girlfriend requested that the ex-wife’s ticket be given to her instead, citing discomfort with her presence after a recent argument.

Despite empathizing with her brother’s girlfriend, the Redditor decided that it wouldn’t be fair to ask her ex-sister-in-law to give up her spot. Was this the right call, or should the Redditor have handled the request differently? Read on for the full story below.

‘ AITAH for not making my brother’s soon-to-be ex-wife give up her plane ticket to his current girlfriend?’

My(30f) brother who is 36 years old filed for divorce from from his wife of three years just two months ago after he discovered that she has been cheating on him. Before her secret came to light, my family and I planned a week vacation to Orlando, FL in which we travel to late next month.

Three months ago, tickets were already paid for. My brother paid full price for his while pitching in for his ex-wife’s ticket who did put a little more than he did towards it. However, after he filed for divorce he started dating his current girlfriend. They been together for a month and some weeks now.

Last Sunday, my parents hosted a Sunday dinner at their home and my brother’s girlfriend was invited. We were talking about the trip and when my sister who is 28 suggested my brother’s ex to get a room of her own since the two are no longer together I noticed a look his girlfriend had on her face, however she said nothing and stayed quiet.

After dinner, the girlfriend pulled me to the side and said that she had no ideal my brother’s ex was still going on the trip. My response was a simple yeah. She proceed to tell me that she was not comfortable with the ideal of the ex still being allowed to go on the trip. She then asked if it was okay that the ticket went to her instead since she’s now with my brother.

I politely told her that I didn’t think it would be right for me to give her my former SIL’s ticket since she did put money towards the ticket. Girlfriend then ask me if I didn’t think it would be disrespectful to her if I was still allowing former SIL to go on the trip. I told her I’m sorry she feels that way, but that I still wasn’t going to make ex-wife give up her plane ticket.

I also told her that she is more than welcome to purchase her on ticket and come with us if she wanted to. That wasn’t good enough for her because she still doesn’t want to see ex-wife’s face on the trip. The main reason why my brother’s girlfriend is not cool with ex still being around is because of their unfortunate encounter.

According to my brother, a couple of weeks ago his girlfriend was at my brother’s house at the time former SIL showed up to collect some more of her things. SIL end up disrespecting girlfriend and starting a heated altercation with her. I don’t condone SIL’s behavior towards my brother’s girlfriend.

But I also don’t see why she should be uninvited from a trip after she had already paid for her own ticket. Not to mention as my sister said, former SIL can just get a separate room. So am I wrong?.

See what others had to share with OP:

bestbobever −  NTA – I don’t understand why girlfriend is coming to you with this crap. This is not your circus, these are not your monkeys. GF needs to be redirected to your older brother. Even if you fully agreed with girlfriend you can’t just give away someone else’s paid for property.

That would be theft. I get that it would be weird for SIL to be there considering she is an ex…but that is a conversation and negotiation between boyfriend, girlfriend and ex. no one else.

Ok_Conversation9750 −  Let me see if I have this right… Soon to be ex SIL cheated on your brother, which is why she’s soon to be ex. Then brother gets new gf who has obviously met and hangs out with you and your family. New gf is blindsided by the fact that soon to be ex SIL is still going and thinks she should go instead.

I get it that soon to be ex SIL paid for the ticket, so it’s hers, but I’m wondering why in the world she’d even ***want to*** still go considering the way they broke up – her cheating! Why would anyone in your family still want her to go?

Does anyone care that she ***cheated on your brother and destroyed their marriage??*** For now, I’m going with ESH, except maybe new gf who should be really concerned that the ex is still so very entrenched in your lives.

Aggressive-Mind-2085 −  NTA- And: **Are you sure it was SIL who cheated? 2 months, and your brother has his next steady gf? THAT sure was fast,** he likely had her already when the divorce proceeings started.

And: WHY would YOU decide this? SIL paid, so this is HER ticket – and HER half of the room – unless SHE tells you otherwise. **If your brother wants to bring the new gf, he will have to get an additional ticket and an additional room.**

Even_Budget2078 −  NTA but what in the heck is up with you all? First of all, why did you not just say “yeah, I completely understand how you feel. LET ME CLARIFY. The ticket is non-transferable and because she bought it, I actually can’t do anything about it.

Second, she’s, as far as I know, still using the ticket because it is hers, but is not a part of our family vacation. She will not be joining us or have any part of the vacation. It is awkward, but nothing can be done!”. There is sooo much you could have said to clarify what at first blush sounds like a completely weird situation.

I don’t find your responses as you’ve expressed them in this post to be polite AT ALL. I find them unnecessarily opaque and uncaring towards a person who very rightly felt uncomfortable and taken aback by what you were discussing.

Second, your sister’s “suggestion” is not appropriate or helpful at all. If, as you claim in the comments, this is just about soon to be ex SIL’s plane ticket that can’t be transferred, why are you discussing or care about her hotel stay- why does your sister?

Obviously it is on SIL to arrange her own hotel room and it is insane that this would need to be said to her. Of course she’s not staying with your brother. It’s no one’s job to tell her that. But, more importantly, it’s not your sister’s business to take care of for her.

Your sister’s “suggestion” compounded with your own seemingly lack of willingness to clarify without a doubt made it sounds to gf like this woman was very much a part of the family vacation still. Ultimately, it’s up to brother to address with gf and his ex, so that’s why stick with NTA for you.

But, you get zero pats on the back for being polite and you certainly weren’t kind to gf (which again just because you weren’t an a**hole doesn’t mean you acted nicely either, you didn’t).

Cleo0424 −  Is it just me, or did the brother move on very quickly? I am sorry, but I don’t believe this post. And why ask you and not your parents?

Sinaya_L0 −  NTA – Why is the girlfriend even coming to you? They are adults, you can tell her to just talk to your brother. And how does your brother have a new girlfriend so soon? Are you sure that it wasn’t him cheating?

Ready-Replacement181 −  You dont see a reason to stop your bro ex wife to come on a family vacation? Eh she cheated on your brother!!! How does your brother feel about this? NTA to you, however this is going to open up a can of worms. 

Honest-Sector-4558 −  INFO: Why are you guys still close with the ex-wife? Obviously the marriage ended with her cheating on your brother, so it’s a bit weird you are all still friendly with the ex-wife and are including her in family trips. Are their kids involved?

Mission_Breakfast548 −  Airlines absolutely will not change the name on a ticket, regardless of who paid it.  I’ve booked work travel & personal travel and when issues have arisen, all they’ll let you do if the name on the ticket can’t go is issue a credit in THAT PERSON’S NAME only.  So no matter anyone’s feelings on this trip, changing the ticket name in not an option..  NTA

Myrkana −  It’s interesting that she cheated on him but he’s already dating 3 months after initiating a divorce and before it’s finalized.

Do you think the Redditor made the right choice in keeping things fair, or should the ex-wife have given up her ticket to the new girlfriend? How would you handle this type of awkward family dynamic? Share your thoughts below!