AITA for pointing out that my (20m) dad (54m) is just jealous of my appearance?

A Reddit user shares a tense situation with their father, who has recently become increasingly critical of their fitness habits and appearance. The 20-year-old son maintains a healthy lifestyle, exercising regularly and eating moderately, while his father, who is 54 and significantly overweight, expresses jealousy and concern about his son’s routine.

After repeated comments and lectures, the son points out that his father’s hostility may stem from jealousy, which leads to a heated argument. To explore the dynamics of this family conflict, read the original story below.

‘ AITA for pointing out that my (20m) dad (54m) is just jealous of my appearance?’

My dad is quite overweight. We are the same height, but he weighs about 50 pounds more than me. He has large saggy breasts, a bulging potbelly, a very short neck, and a chubby face. I work out regularly and that’s why I’m fit and in shape. Recently my dad has been more hostile toward me, repeatedly commenting on my appearance and diet.

He said that I need to eat more (he eats a lot at meals and for snacks, whereas I eat a moderate portion), and he says that working out everyday is bad for my health. I just do 20 minutes of cardio and free weights mostly at home, but he says that too much exercising will ruin my body.

He even scolds me when I occasionally skip a meal because I’m not that hungry. What he says has been getting on my nerves lately. Last night I was going to the basement to exercise, and my dad told me that I already exercised everyday for the past 6 days.

I said that I like to workout daily, and he said that I am going to end up like my sister (18f), who developed an eating disorder in middle school and because of that is short and underweight up to this day (though she recovered around 9th grade).

He said that for a long time she ate just 1 or 2 meals a day, and spends 2 to 3 hours exercising each day. (In fact I only skip a meal once in a while, and I exercise about 30 minutes per day).

He kept saying that my behavior is unhealthy, and that I need to take a break from exercising and not obsess over my appearance I explained that I’m not obsessing over my appearance, but I just want to stay healthy and de-stress regularly, and maintain heart and lung strength.

He still said that I am giving him flashbacks to when my sister had an eating disorder, and he said that he cannot repeat this mistake. He said that if his children have eating disorders, it reflects on his failures as a parent. I reiterated that I don’t have body image issues, and that I just value physical fitness.

He kept lecturing and criticizing me, and finally I told him that he might just be jealous of my appearance because of how much he has been commenting on it lately. I said that if he wants to be healthy he should eat less and exercise a few times a week, and that it’s better to be fit than overweight or underweight.

He got really angry and said that he cares about me and doesn’t want me to have disordered eating or body image issues, and that it’s a red flag that I exercise every single day. I said that I work out because I care about my health, not so much my appearance, and that if he was in shape he wouldn’t have been so sore about it.

Here’s how people reacted to the post:

Few_System3573 −  YTA for this bait where you describe someone in the most unkind, unnecessarily n**ty terms possible, in great detail, and then try to make that person out to be The Bad One. If this is real, here’s my more detailed response. Still YTA but more nuanced than that.

Your dad went about this in the wrong way I think, no question there. That said, as someone who has lived with disordered eating for 3 decades, which started largely because I watched someone else close to me live with an eating disorder, I do think his concerns are legitimate.

I hope sincerely that you will spend some time reflecting on what he MEANT, and that you’ll move forward with it in mind in whatever way feels best for you.
And dismissing his concerns specifically by being cruel to make your point and Just Really Stick It To Him is absolutely A**hole Behaviour. I hope it’s something you’ll grow out of. I wish you all the best.

[Reddit User] −  YTA for the way you talked about your father and the general lack of love and respect you seem to have for him. He watched his other child almost die and doesn’t want that to happen to you. He might be uninformed on the subject but he loves you and is worried about you. You are a huge a**hole. You don’t have to change your habits but the lack of love and respect you have for your father who seems to love and care for you is so sad to see.

[Reddit User] −  YTA – He is a father who watched his daughter almost kill herself. While he may be undereducated on eating disorders, he is expressing concern and love. Think of how that must have felt as a parent. Please try to simply educate him. 

RandomA55h013 −  ESH – Sounds like your Dad doesn’t know what he’s talking about and is just being a clown. However I think your attitude is excessive for a conversation with your father, who is apparently still supporting you if you’re living in his house.

I think you’re right to correct him, but you should do it more constructively, pointing out the benefits to him, and if you wanted to wind him up a little bit you could start trying to encourage him to join you and show him evidence of how it will benefit him.

He’ll hate it, but you might be able to educate him and annoy him at the same time. If my son spoke to me that way when he’s 20, I would kick him out of my house. Mind you, if my son wanted to work out for 30 minutes each day I wouldn’t criticise it, I’d view it as a good thing.

Sufficient_Yak_1016 −  IMO NTA. [The rest of the comment is not important, just trying to show some support and relate bc of my own situation, sorry for making it about me] I don’t want to ruffle any feathers but people insecure in their weight tend to project onto others instead of caring for their own health.

I’m not putting any blame on you for snapping, probably because I also want to make my family stop fixating on my body and accept I’m not a holder of the family’s overweight genetics (?) LOL (the only thin people from both sides of my parents’ families are me and my brother)

I have a similar situation at home, my (F20) grandma has SO many issues with my weight (I have good BMI, I’m not underweight and my weight+ height has been consistent since I was 16), she makes it her life’s mission to say/do something n**ty to me at least once a day.

Lately she’s dead set on telling me or anyone who’ll listen that I’m starving myself and anorexic just because I’m not eating the exact moment she walks in on me at home (we live a few blocks away from each other).

Another thing is, for some reason she’ll give me *her* old clothes and get angry when I don’t want it (mostly because it’s way too big and too old fashioned). I just don’t understand why it is such a problem.

RoyallyOakie −  NTA…Daily exercise is good for you. His incessant commentary is the real red flag here

hungrytriathlete −  NTA. There are many studies on how 30 minutes of exercise is the minimum people should get each day to have optimal health. I got so frustrated at my parents telling me that exercising everyday and eating a plant-centred diet was bad for me, that I felt the urge to snap at my mom like you did.

It’s hard to see my parents dealing with health issues because of their lifestyle, but that’s their life and the best I can do is live mine. Maybe see if you can get your dad involved in some light exercise with you, but your reaction to the constant criticism seems understandable.

togocann49 −  You were fine until you just ignored his reasoning, and inserted your own. Dad is obviously projecting (sisters problem onto you), even said it straight up, and doesn’t seem to have the knowledge to know this is not even close to the same, but you doubled down on the jealous angle.

Esh-dad for not knowing real facts, and you for listening to part about your sister (and not trying to explain that this is not the same). And for the record, exercising has great long run benefits, and I hope you keep it up

NoNecessary224 −  Everyone Sucks Here – ESH if you didnt know. Youre Father is indeed being overbearing and a bit of a bunce of the topic of excersize. However, your obvious resentment for him in the way that you speak is very telling as to the fact you do have body image issues.

Maybe youre not insecure in your skin, but the way you described your father screams “Im scared of being a little chubby.”, and that s**t is just f**king pathetic.

taintedCH −  NTA -Your exercice and diet as described isn’t unusual at all, whereas your father’s diet as described and obesity as described are unhealthy.

Do you think the son was justified in pointing out his father’s jealousy, or did he go too far in the heat of the moment? How would you handle a situation where a parent is critical of your healthy lifestyle? Share your thoughts below!