AITA for missing my sister’s wedding after she scheduled it on a date she knew I might not make it?

A Reddit user is grappling with family pressure after missing their sister’s wedding, which was scheduled on a date they had previously indicated might not work. Despite discussing availability and offering clear “yes” and “no” dates, the sister chose a “maybe” date after consulting with friends.

The user felt it was too difficult and costly to travel with their three young kids and ultimately decided not to attend. Now, they’re facing intense guilt and criticism from family members who believe they should have made it work. Read the full story below for more insights.

‘ AITA for missing my sister’s wedding after she scheduled it on a date she knew I might not make it?’

Sister and fiancé (both early 40’s) are getting married after many years of dating, first marriage for both, but they’ve been casual about this from the get-go. They decided to get married randomly after a conversation with friends prompted it, no proposal, wanted a courthouse ceremony and just a party with their friends.

Our family has blown this up a bit. It seems to be moving now more towards a backyard wedding with friends and family. Several months ago while they were discussing dates, my sister asked me what my availability was because I’m the only family that lives far away and I have 3 young kids, so I’m the most difficult to pin down.

We talked through my schedule and I gave her dates that were kind of like “no”, “maybe”, and “yes, absolutely”. She said she was planning on those “yes” timeframes anyways so, awesome, this will be great. Save the dates go out via email a few weeks later, and she set a date that was on my “maybe” weekends.

I call and ask what’s up, she said her and finance also kicked dates around with friends, and this was the one that seemed to work for them so… they decided to do that. The “maybe” reason for me was related to other travel I have already scheduled.

Trying to get back to my hometown with my whole family is no longer an option, now it becomes only some of us go, and not others, or we fly out on different days… it’s a mess to navigate. She says “Hey it’s okay. I want you there, but I understand.”

I talk to my spouse, we decide it’s too much to navigate, too expensive to make it work, we’re not going.My sister seems fine, she keeps downplaying mom & dad making a big deal out of this, says it’s not even a wedding… yada yada.

I’m feeling okay but my siblings and my parents are absolutely ripping me to shreds over this. They are piling on the heaviest guilt trips, accusing me of not caring about family and s**t like that.

Like I should just cancel and eat the cost of other things I’ve already paid for (and can’t get refunded) and drop thousands of dollars to fly my family to this wedding that my sister scheduled to happen on a weekend when they knew I may not be able to attend. So Reddit… AITA for skipping this wedding?

Here’s what Redditors had to say:

PandaCotton −  NTA – Your sister is planning her wedding knowing you might not be there. You had discussed this possibility. Your family shouldn’t even be involved, they’re the ones creating drama where none exists. Enjoy your trip.

Pretzelmamma −  Mild YTA because ff the plans were already in place and it really isn’t workable then the date should have been a no from you,  not a maybe. Nothing in your plans has changed from when you discussed dates except you’ve decided . it’s a mess to navigate. Not even impossible, just a mess. If you weren’t willing to navigate the mess you should have said so from the start. 

Spiraling_Swordfish −  So wait… Do you already have an important trip locked down, that you can’t miss, at the same time as your sister’s wedding, or don’t you? Because, you make it sound like you do… The “maybe” reason for me was related to other travel I have already scheduled. But then you make it pretty clear you’re skipping for other reasons…

Trying to get back to my hometown with my whole family is no longer an option, now it becomes only some of us go, and not others, or we fly out on different days… it’s a mess to navigate.

We decide it’s too much to navigate, too expensive to make it work, we’re not going… and by “clear,” I mean you throw out a bunch of words in a fairly inscrutable way, which seems deliberately designed to make us shrug and go, “oh well I guess this person has their reasons” and give you a pass.. YTA

4ries20 −  INFO: Why not leave your spouse & kids at home and go to the wedding by yourself?. (Edited a word.)

lausim59 −  When your sister went over dates with you you gave some “maybe” dates. That suggests you hadn’t finalized any plans or bought any tickets. You never informed her that a “maybe” date changed to a definitely not date until after she sent out her save the date cards.

Even in your title you say she scheduled with on a date she knew you “might” not make it. According to the other comments I’m in the minority, but I think YTA. You knew your sister was planning a wedding, which is a pretty important occasion.

You decided that you making plans for a vacation to visit family took precedence over her hopefully once in a lifetime wedding. Now you’re acting indignant because other family members are calling you out. In my opinion, YTA.

Alternative-Pop6452 −  INFO why would you give her a maybe for a date where you already had travel plan?

Single-Ant3193 −  YTA. you listed the date ‘maybe’, when it should have been ‘no’. now you’re whinging and refusing to go. Exhausting!

www_dot_no −  Esh I think you should have been more strict with what “maybe” meant regarding dates. She picked this because she thought you could work it out to make it and literally arranged her friends and your schedule for all her people to be there

SpecialistAfter511 −  I’m confused so you’re traveling the weekend of the wedding? But you told your sister that was a maybe date? I don’t understand that. Shouldn’t that have been a no??? Why maybe? Did you not have concrete plans then?

Thejmax −  YTA, timeline and comments prove that. You gave a maybe for the date and then booked a non refundable trip without talking to your sister a week before the invite was sent. You should have either said it was a no from the start or confirmed with your sister before turning the maybe into a no.

Was it unreasonable for the Redditor to miss the wedding given the circumstances, or should they have prioritized family over logistical challenges? How would you handle a situation where family expectations clash with your own commitments? Share your thoughts below!